Post # 1
Sorry for the rant/too long
So my Future in laws are pressuring my SO to marry me. I am finishing up my bachelors in 8 months and have been working my ass off to get into masters. They think that I should put it off for another year. I dont want to put it off for another year.
I dont even understand how they think we can pull this off – They think that we should have a summer wedding for June 😐 My SO hasnt even met my dad yet (we have been dating for 3+ years but we are S.Asians so…thats normal). I dont see him having money to propose till Decemeber (minimum). I dont know why they are stupid enough to think that we can plan a JUNE SATURDAY wedding last minute!
They just really want grandchildren and it freaks me out more because a) Im only 21 (Turning 22 this year) (SO is 28)…Im not ready to be a mother and I dont think SO is ready to be a father b) what if somethings wrong and I cant have children…then what? I essentially feel like a walking uterus…and Im not that.
SO has been fighting with this parents a lot about this because he too wants to wait till 2016 to get married (which is our original plan), so that I will complete my masters and I can move in with him, etc. Its getting so hard that now we are fighting.
I love him so much and I want to marry him but I feel like whats supposed to be the happiest moment of my life (engagement) is now going to be forced on me and its making me so sad. I am praying that he wont propose to me – I DONT WANT TO PRAY FOR THAT! I want him to propose to me but when we are ready and I want to marry him – WHEN we are ready!
Post # 2
signedconfessions: You can’t control their behavior, but you can control your response. Simply don’t engage. Stop letting them push your buttons and live your lives on your terms.
Post # 3
Wow that is so frustrating! Your SO needs to stand up to them and insist that they stop harassing you about it. Every time it comes up I would just ignore them or say “we have it figured out already but that’s for your concern”, smile, repeat as necessary.
Post # 4
julies1949: So I spoke with SO and we are both trying to exercise this as much as possible. The issue is that in our culture we have to respect our parents a lot and anything we do against their wishes is seen as HUGE issues.
hollyberry4: SO has been resisting them for over a year now. Im so going to steal that line though! LOL <br /><br />Update:: We have decided to get engaged (sometime in the next few months LOL). We feel we are ready for that. SO and I had a very nice conversation and we talked about what was really important for me and what SO can do to help me. We do want to get married and we do want to spend the rest of our lives together. Also, We figured if we get engaged we can shut them up! The rest – he is going to make sure that we do it on our terms. So blessed to have him. So, I guess Im officially waiting now?! LOL! <br /><br />THANK YOU BOTH SO MUCH! It was nice to come here and see the replies. You’re both so kind!
Post # 5
I also come from a culture that demands complete compliance from children no matter what age they are. My parents have learned not to push their beliefs on me because they know that I will do what I choose and leave them out if necessary.
It is worrisome that you have allowed your in-laws to pressure you into an engagement.