- 5 years ago
FI and I have finally decided we are definitely going to elope. There have been many reasons leading up to this decision, but last night solidified my opinion.
My mother has been difficult during this whole process (and throughout my life, if we’re being realistic). She loves FI, but for some reason, can’t get over the fact that we are not Christian. I have let many comments slide, and let what she’s said roll off my back, but last night was the FINAL straw.
The other day, my sister, mother, and I were eating at a restaurant, and somehow got on the topic of gay marriage. I know this is a sticky topic in our household (my sister and I support it, our parents are against it), so I try to stay quiet when it gets brought up. Well, she began getting irritated when my younger sister tried reasoning with her, well, really, just expressing her opinion. SOMEHOW that discussion got turned into one about my wedding, and who was going to officiate it. I had planned on our pastor (even though I’m not christian, I go to church with my parents and I love the pastor at the church) doing the ceremony. Well. Before I could get that out, she screamed at me (in the parking lot, mind you) that if we didn’t get married by an ordained preacher she wasn’t going to show up to my wedding. Well, I let my emotions get the better of me and yelled back, “Fine! We can just go to the courthouse.” That really made her mad, and she screamed at me that I could just go there, and that she was disowning me and my sister, and declared that we were no longer considered her family. Awkward. I hate confrontation, and I hate drama…and yelling. I shut up, because EACH time I tried to explain to her what I believed (or didn’t believe) she condemned me to hell and said that she KNEW god was real and KNEW she was right. She wouldn’t listen to my side at ALL, so I told her, “Listen. If you aren’t going to respect my opinion, I’m not respecting yours. Why should I listen to what you have to say if you won’t even hear me out?” Well, that went on for about 45 minutes in her car in the parking lot, and then we dropped it.
Then last night, I was at my parent’s house with FI and my sister, and my dad (emotionally abusive) said he needed to speak to my sister alone for a minute. Well, FI and I began hearing him screaming at her and making her cry, and we had no idea what the hell was going on, since we had just been sitting there watching TV. I then found out later that night (from my sister, because FI and I left immedierely) that my dad was yelling at her because my sister had told him to shut up yesterday in church. She sincerely apologized and he apparently didn’t care/didn’t hear, because he told her, “Apparently I wasn’t listening because I don’t care!” Well, my sister is VERY strong-willed, almost the opposite of me, and she began telling my mom that he was a jerk. My mother said, “Shut your GD mouth before he comes back here and beats you, just shut the hell up.” (Yeah, mom, where’s your preaching about god’s love now?) I didn’t find out this had happened until I got home later that night, and I heard my mother say that she wanted to pack up and start over, because she never wanted us to begin with. I had to hold my sister while she was sobbing because her own mother said she hated us.
I am now firmly committed to an elopement, where my sister will be present, and FI’s brother will be present. And that is IT. I cannot stand my family. (They’re the kind that puts on the happy, perfect family front, but behind closed doors, it is HELL of the worst kind.) I need to move out of their house (was living with them until I got married, but I’m moving out ASAP), and start my life again without them. I’ve told my sister she is more than welcome at FI’s home with me, anytime she needs us. I just can’t believe this is all happening. It breaks my heart, because for so long, I tried to be the good daughter and the loving one, and invite them to a wedding with our whole family. My mother was the SOLE reason we had decided not to elope, but now that she has basically written me off, that reason is no longer valid.
I just need encouragement from you girls (if you read all that, thank you). I am heartbroken, but I will not let her stand in my way.