Finally Broke with MIL (Long Rant)

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
6200 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House

I DID make it through the whole thing, and I applaud your patience! Is awesome that you sent that text, please tell us if you get a response!

Post # 4
Member
2581 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - UK

@megz06:  Oh man, well done you for laying the line down with her. I hope things aren’t too awkward for you when you go down this weekend – or that she doesn’t just lay it on extra-thick with your DH and say how ‘mean’ you are or something.

 

It’s good that you’re putting boundaries now though, because it gives you time to properly establish them and reinforce them before your baby arrives!

Post # 5
Member
5008 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

@megz06:  Good for you!! My FMIL is NOWHERE near this bad but she definitely does the guilt tripping thing. She lives 5 hours away and guilted FI into driving 5 hours on a Saturday and then 5 hours home on a Sunday because she was “depressed” and missed him. Right around this time, they were waiting for his grandmother to pass away, so basically the next weekend he had to do that trip AGAIN! 

She also almost flipped out on Thanksgiving when I informed her that we would be alternating Christmases every year after we get married. I don’t know why it didn’t occur to her that I would want to spend Christmas with my family – but apparently it didn’t. She literally said, “Oh no- That will NOT be happening..you will be with us every Christmas”. Um yes… it will be happening….I have a family too….SO stressful! 

Good luck!!

Post # 6
Member
11668 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

It’s good to set boundaries, since she clearly has some issues with it. But, honestly, I thikn it should have come from your husband. I also have learned that text message is never the way to go with that kind of conversation. You guys should really have a sit down with her together and present as a united front.  You doing your husbands dirty work for him won’t be as effective I don’t think. Just my two cents.  My mom is super obnoxious with the guilt trips, so I totally get how annoying it is.

Post # 8
Member
11668 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@megz06:  Ugh that is so difficult. My mom is the same way – everything goes in one ear and out the other. Unfortunately, I thikn sometimes you get to a point where you jus thave to accept that is the way the person is and there’s nothing you can say to change that. At the end of the day, you need to do what is best for your family and not let her get to you when she doesn’t like it.  That’s pretty much where we are at right now.  It’s hard but what can ya do?!  Good luck!

Post # 9
Member
5932 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

@megz06:  Yuck….and the derpy thing is…its just DINNER!!!

All this mess over some chicken and green bean casserole….either way, you can’t unring the bell and honestly, I don’t think you should…this lady is just a little out of control and honestly…she’s got to break the habit…

If it were me, I’d stop calling her altogether…its only going to fuel the fire…let her burn out over it and come to you when she’s ready.

Post # 11
Member
6964 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

@megz06:  good for you! This shit needed to get under control before the baby arrives!

Post # 13
Member
5932 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

@megz06:  ..well, if he’s hesitant to just let her burn a while, propose the radio silence like this:

We’re in new territory here, someone has finally blown the whistle on this controlling behavior and NOW, everything we do, is the new norm…so do we really want to establish the protocol that everytime we disagree with or point out something your mother does as an unacceptable behavior…that’s she gets to turn of her phone like some wounded 13 year old while you call her every 32 minutes…?

Its just another dysfunctional tactic, so don’t let him play into it either.

Post # 14
Member
272 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

Good for you for setting some boundaries with her. It may be a little awkward during your weekend stay, but she needs to realize her little boy has his own life now and she is not the center of it. It sounds like she has some serious trouble letting go, which may or may not be tied back to her lack of a partner in your FIL. I really do feel bad for her since she sounds so lonely and so excited about the new baby, but you are 110% valid in being annoyed and frustrated with the situation. You’re busy adults with busy lives and can’t uproot your schedules just to accommodate her.. sounds like you’re handling it well though and I wish you luck, especially with the little one on the way!

Post # 15
Member
240 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I have a MIL who is very similar as far as guilt tripping and being overbearing and if your situation is anything like mine, it WILL get worse when the baby is born. I think you did the right thing by standing up to her.  I used to be able to deal with my MIL being overbearing throughout our relationship and even when I was pregnant, but once our baby was born, she started being even more overbearing except instead of gearing it toward my husband, she started acting that way with MY baby.  And you’ll find your mama-bear instincts kick in pretty strongly right away so it’s best to get her under control now before it gets any worse. 

Post # 16
Member
6866 posts
Busy Beekeeper

I think that MIL does sound very overbearing, but also think that this should have come from your H and in a conversation, not an  email or text. 

It’s the old story.  She can forgive her own son and would  likely  get over it, but you, maybe not so fast. I understand that you were the one in the conversation, but I’d have just said, H is going to have to get back to you on that.

Leave a comment


Sent weekly. You may unsubscribe at any time.

Find Amazing Vendors