(Closed) Finally decided I’m not changing my name. Advice?

posted 8 years ago in Names
Post # 3
860 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I don’t think you need to explain it to people.  If someone asks, just say that you decided to keep your maiden name for various reasons, and leave it at that.

Post # 4
2066 posts
Buzzing bee

Just tell them you like your name and you decided to keep it.  Congrats making a decision – it sounds like this was very stressful for you.

Post # 5
7082 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2009

Just stick to your guns.  My family is still sending all my mail to my name his last name.  I just gently correct them each time, but was persistant.  In the professional world people were much more accepting.

I’m glad you are at peace with your decision!

Post # 6
2392 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

We’re still a ways off from the wedding, but I’ve decided to keep my name as well.  I think we’ll probably have an “address after the wedding” or something like that on the website, just so people are aware.  Maybe some people who have already gone through this might have more advice, since I know one issue is people making checks out to Mrs. Someone WhoDoesn’tExist which are then a little more difficult to cash.  I’m not sure of a polite way of avoiding that, though, since nobody wants to seem like they’re fishing for checks!

Other than that, it seems like there’s often some older relatives who have trouble getting it right, but it’s a lot easier to deal with that than all the name change paperwork.

Post # 7
2386 posts
Buzzing bee

I don’t think you have to explain it to everyone. If they happen to ask just say you just didn’t want to. I don’t see why you have to lay it out for everyone. 

I’m not changing my name and when people ask why, I just say that I never planned on doing it. His family took the news well (at least in my presence). Now they just tease him and call him Mr. MyLastName. He’s a good sport. 

Post # 9
2208 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I am still a little over a month away from marriage, but I’ve long known I would kep my name, and my mother kept her name.

It really isn’t a big deal. It’s something you’ll just negotiate as the years roll by. For now, just decide how you want to react to being called “Mrs. HisLast” or the “HisLast Family.” You can be aggresive about correcting people, ignore it, passively correct (just respond with your correct name), gently correct (simple reminders), etc.

There isn’t a need to announce it, though, just be sure that your wedding thank you cards have both your full names so that people will get the message.

Post # 10
7174 posts
Busy Beekeeper

I’m keeping my last name and am planning to not make a big deal about it.  If people want to call me Mrs. FI’sLastName, I’m not going to correct them.  But, if they ask why my maiden name is going to remain on all my ID, email, correspondence, I’ll simply say I decided to keep my last name (said as a statement, not as a topic for their opinion or for discussion).  If they ask “why?”, I’ll simply state it was a matter of preference.  And, hopefully, that will drop the nosey inquiry.

Is it going to bug you if people call you Mrs. HisLastName?  If it will and you’ll feel the need to correct people, you might have more conversations about this with people than you’d like.

Post # 11
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

I don’t think you owe anyone an explaination, but if you want to give one, the professional reasons sounds like your best bet. That way, should your dad overhear you say that to someone, he knows it’s not b/c you want to honor him and his family.

Post # 13
3316 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

You could use the same line I did, when asked about why my last name was different from my then husband’s:  “He decided to keep his maiden name.”  It tends to shut them up, and maybe even make them think.

Post # 14
105 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I will be keeping my last name, but WILL make a deal of correcting people.  I am going to try with all of my might to be gracious for a while, but I know eventually I am going to blow up at someone who insists on calling me by hislastname even after I’ve told them not to call me that (probably his mother, who I don’t refer to as mother in law)

Post # 15
136 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

My Tip:

Create return address labels that say “Mr. Hubby’s First/Last Name and Mrs. First name/Your Maiden Name” to use for the thank you cards after the wedding. That way, it will be clear that this is the name you are keeping since it will be preceded by “Mrs.” but still have your old last name. Good luck!

Post # 16
3788 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

@2dBride: That reply is priceless!

 @greenleafmountain: I agree with other posters and your decision about not making a big announcement. The less big deal you make, hopefully the less big deal others will make. And if they do question it, I would probably be short and to the point so they get an answer and understand the topic is not up for discussion. “I gave it a lot of thought and decided this was best for me and our family. So, what’s up with this weather?…” I hope you don’t have too many issues!

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