Post # 1
I finally had the timeline talk with SO. After a somewhat crazy holiday season with both of our families not being shy about asking wedding questions and pushing us, and a few unpleasant conversations (thanks, alcohol) I decided it was time.
I guess I felt like maybe I didn’t need a timeline since he had been talking ring sizes and preferences and mentioning proposing (btw, is there a SIUP for the guys!?) back in August/September and as I think I mentioned in another post, he said some things to my family that made them (and then me) think it was coming sooner.
Well long story short, apparently he hasn’t even bought a ring yet. It was hard getting my point across to him that the timeline is just a general timeframe when he plans to propose and NOT some sort of ultimatum or “deadline” as he called it. He was pushed into marriage way too soon in a previous relationship so I’ve made sure to be understanding of that and to never push him. I just figured if he was talking rings and seeming excited he must have had *something* planned? Maybe I just stink at explaining the timeline??
Anyway, I told him I had hoped to be engaged this year or in the next few months but we agreed to a 6 month timeline. I tried to let him know how long it can take to buy a ring and he refused to believe me. If I weren’t already in my early thirties with some reproductive issues, this wouldn’t be as much of a concern for me but we both want to have a family and that seems to be another thing he thinks won’t take that long. I’ve spent a lot of time trying to explain that one, I wish I could be as confident as he is about it working out!
I thought I’d be way less anxious and happier with a timeline but right now, honestly, I’m just bummed. Patience was never my strong point and I have been strung along big time in a previous relationship so that doesn’t help.
I love him and trust him, and I know I need to just focus on other things now. Just hard not to be let down when I had let myself get so excited.
Post # 3
Congrats on getting a timeline! Even if it isn’t as quick as you would like.
Post # 4
@BrandNewBride: Thanks 🙂 I owe it to this board because before reading here, I knew nothing of this timeline business!
Post # 5
Well, it’s a bit after the fact, but this is why you don’t have the timeline talk immediately following some liquid courage 🙂 It doesn’t take THAT long to buy a ring, even when it’s custom! If you need to have future discussions with him (hopefully you don’t!), focus on legitimate concerns. Like “I spoke with my doctor about <medical condition> and my ability to have children, and he/she feels strongly that it will take additional time for us to conceive. Here’s why”.
It may even help for him to go to a doctor’s appointment with you. I know it can be uncomfortable, but if the two of you are serious about having children, you’re going to be seeing and discussing icky things eventually. He may have questions that he wants to ask, and talking to a medical professional may make it easier for him to understand. He may be thinking that you’re getting overly concerned just because you hit the magical 3-0, when in fact, you do have a medical issue.
Post # 6
@MariContrary: LOL yep! Liquid courage=never a good time for those talks.
As for the children issue, he knows in detail what happened to me and what the issues are and what options we might need to consider when the time comes. I think it might be a good suggestion to bring him to the doctors eventually although right now they’re acting cautiously optimistic too despite some of the cards being stacked against me. Thanks for the suggestion!
Post # 7
@Roses91: That’s great you have a timeline- fx it happens sooner than you think it will:)
Post # 8
@Roses91: most men seem to be very oblivious to timeframes huh? my SO is the same way…I swear he thinks he can buy the ring, propose, and get married in the same weekend if not the same day…*eye roll*
I think you have some great progress! 6 months is very reasonable and it will go by so fast! I agree with the idea of taking him to the doctor or letting him see what your doctor has to say about your fertility, if he really wants kids that might be the eye opener he truly needs to realize that time is essential here.
Post # 9
@cherriesandcream: I know, I came thisclose to showing him wedding-related websites just to show him how long it can take. Buuuuut I’m not that crazy 🙂 I could have sworn he already had the ring and my gut feeling is that he does.