I guess I am writing this to myself because I need to get it out of my system and maybe others can also relate.
Today I picked my wedding dress something I have waited my whole life for and I am crying. The tears are somewhat joyous ones but mostly they are of sadness because I shopped for and picked the dress by myself and no one was there to celebrate this with me, no one to hug in joy, no one to go out and celebrate with. This moment would probably not warrant so much had it not been for the fact that as a plus-sized bride, I went thru hell trying to pick a dress. Sample sizes in my size (street size either 20 or 22) are not readily available so while some stores may have ‘some’ (most of the dresses are so damn ugly that a white blanket with attached rhinestones would likely deem to be more attractive), picking my dress was done with a prayer and knowing my body fits best in an ‘A-line’ dress. My first dress adventure wasn’t too successful and subsequent ones to other stores left a bad taste in my mouth given the coldness and dismissiveness and sometimes even rudeness of the salestaff which often left me ignored, in tears and awe given that I didn’t know that in 2012, I would run into weight discrimination in the Northeast of the United States especially when buying a bridal gown. Don’t salespeople tend to drool and flock at the opportunity of selling to brides?? I hate to use “weight discrimination” as these are heavy (no pun intended) words but it’s really what it is. My Mom lives 1.5hrs away, can't drive, and not one to give a firm opinion. My MOH and one bridesmaid basically disappeared after having selected their dress. Not a damn peep from them other than from my MOH who texted, “How was Kleinfelds?” to which I responded, “Didn’t go well.” No follow-up, not a phone call, nothing. It disappointed me so much that I began second guessing why I even had a bridal party to begin with. I was under the impression that they are supposed to be there at every pivotal moment of the wedding planning. Was I misled by the experiences of others or by watching too many bridal shows? I want to say that at the age of 40, I think I’ve been in enough weddings myself to know the difference. Anyways, now that I’ve said what I had to say, I think I’ll find a way to celebrate on my own even if thru some tears.
Thanks for reading my venting..
Cherub71
Aww Im sorry that you had such an awful experience and that your friends werent more supportive. Why dont you post some pictures so us Bees can oooo and aahhh over how fabulous you look?
I, too, chose my dress alone, so I know how you are feeling to some degree. I had the opposite problem that you encountered as, when I went into bridal stores just a few months before my wedding, I was not well-received. My size was too small and he majority of the store owners said that I would have to special order a dress, but the special orders wouldn't be in time, so there was no point in looking. At one store, after I explained my situation, the store owner wouldn't even let me LOOK at dresses. I know how much it sucks when all you want is that "bridal experience" and the store owners turn a blind-eye. I ended up buying a sample dress that was in a my size, but at a store with 0 customer service. 
On a happier note, WHICH DRESS DID YOU PICK?? 
Awww sorry you had such a bad time. Post your dress and Ill pretend I was there with you to give you the praises you missed ;)
I'm so sorry you had to go through this by yourself. Terrible sales people are the worst and I don't think they realize exactly how much damage they can cause by being uncaring, unfeeling and unsympathetic.
On a happier note though, I agree with the above comments, let us see the dress so we can oooo and aaah.
(((((HUGS))))) I'll probably be buying mine alone, too. Also an "older" bride and not my first wedding. My mom passed away a few years ago and my sister lives out of state. I'm not having a traditional wedding party, just a very small wedding. My best friend lives 300 miles away. In fact, my FI may go with me, lol. Maybe not. Either way, I know where you're coming from - it's not the usual way it's "supposed" to be. But you are still going to be a beautiful bride and that is the most important thing. We have to remember that it's not about the rings or the dresses or the flowers or the music. It's about the lifetime committment with the one you love. Besides, please keep in mind that seemingly ALL bridal shops have snooty staff, against everyone. I am a size 4 and have run into the same snooty attitude thing. Nobody expects anything out of the ordinary, they expect the 20-year-old bride, mother of bride and MOH shopping sprees. They need to get a grip. As you said, this is 2012, people!! Any kind of discrimination is nuts. Size, age, whatever. Also, I don't want to spend thousands on a dress, I only want to spend hundreds, so there is an attitude about that as well. Don't let the haters get you down. You are beautiful, just as you are. And obviously someone really LOVES you or you wouldn't need the dress in the first place. Be blessed.
@Cherub71: Awww Cherub :-( Yay for you that you found your dress! That's an awesome moment. Think about it...you may never experience that again! Honey celebrate it...even if by yourself.
I am so sorry though that you're going through this alone. I went through my dress hunting alone, having bridesmaids who were not only out of town, but just not very enthusiastic. It's sad when you see tv shows and movies with all these happy, girly moments and have expectations that thats the way it's supposed to be. My advice hon, don't let those expectations ruin your wedding preparations memories. Just enjoy the moments as they come, for what they are...not what you wish they could have been. Your joy is yours...don't let any circumstance steal that from you!
This is a great day! :-)
*Hug* I'm so sorry to hear of your experience. I am sure you look beautiful in your dress. And yes, post pics. WE will definetly celebrate with you. As for your wedding party, screw them. At the end of the day, its all about you and your future husband. Be happy that you will soon marry your best friend. You have something that so many people search for, to love and be loved.
Silver lining though - while I can see why someone would want to share that experience, at least you were able to pick what you loved and not have a million opinions to confuse you or criticize your choice. Not saying that's what always happens. But those bridal shows you talk about are also about people not listening to the bride as well. And tv does hype things up more than normal.
I bought mine alone and that's what I loved about it. I'm sorry you didn't have the greatest experience. But we'd all love to see what you picked! I'm sure it's gorgeous :)
YES! Please post your dress! We would love to shower you with compliments on how beautiful you look! I'm so sorry your experience wasnt what you had hoped it would be, but know that you are not alone!
Where are you located? I'll totally be a dependable bridesmaid for you lol!!
I got mine all by my lonesome too. don't cry, we're here, show us and we will oh and ah!
@claireos: That's a great way to look at it. I always remind myself that I really don't value anyone else's opinion more than my own. About anything. So, if I think something is awesome, then it really is. Because I know I have very high standards, lol . . .
Ooooh, gorgeous! I had a friend get a custom-cut dress from Casablanca because she's short, and it came out really well! Congratulations on finding such a beautiful dress!
@Cherub71: That is a GORGEOUS dress! Stunning! I can't wait to see pics with you in it!
I love your dress! So classic! Can't wait to see it on you!
@Cherub71: Stunning dress! I bet you're going to look very beautiful in it. Congrats!!
Awwwww sweettyyyy!!! I can feel your emotion reading your post. Sos orry you had to go through the alone. ALso, SHAME on ur girls for not being there with you!!!!
First of all ... HUGS!!!!! I, too, was a 40-something, plus-sized bride who could not go gown shopping with her mom (she lived five hours away was recovering from a fall and a broken bone and could not travel), and who also was alone when she had her "this is the dress" moment. Thankfully, I did not face any cold, rude sales associates when I was searching.
All but two of my bridesmaids were from out-of-town, and my one MOH and in-town bridesmaid did go with me on two dress-hunting occasions, the first of which did not turn out well, as the salon kept putting me in basically the same dress with variations, and I didn't like any of them. I did not have success on the second visit at a different salon, either.
Ultimately, I went back to the second salon alone (I loved the reputation at the salon as well as the very sweet bridal consultant who was helping me.) After trying on a number of silk ball gowns (and realizing that the very last thing I needed was a ton of extra, gathered fabric at my waist), I finally fell in love with a beautiful, silk, A-line dress with Swarovski crystals on it. I had my moment of relief, and my experience of finally feeling like a bride, with just the consultant and me. Thankfully, I was able to reach the in-town bridesmaid and asked her to stop by the salon on her way home from work. She did, and she liked the gown, so I bought it. I still wish I had had my mom with me, and, in hindsight, I wish I had been able to go to Kleinfeld's (since I had never even seen SYTTD until after my wedding. There are so many gowns that I now love that I never even knew existed, but, I probably would have fallen in love with something that was out of range for my budget, lol.)
Your gown is beautiful! I love the neckline and the texture! You are going to look amazing!
I am sorry you had to go through that experience. The dress you have chosen is absolutely stunning!
Thanks again so very much to all of you. I hope your kindness comes back ten-fold for all of you.
:)
Hugs...
I can kind of relate. I ordered mine online. I tried it on and realized I had no one to show. It really upset because I couldn't share my excitement with anyone.
ETA: Where in Jersey are you from?!
that is an absolutely stunning dress, can't wait to see pics of you in it :)
I've been thinking that I wish I had the money to open a bridal salon that specializes in plus size designer gowns. Because the experience you described just isn't fair. I am sorry that your bridesmaids weren't there to celebrate with you. So far, I have dress-shopped alone and I am waiting until next weekend when my mom flies in to help me decide.
I am so glad you found a dress and it is beautiful. And I am even happier that you have found a man you want to spend the rest of your life with.
You'll be a beautiful bride! :)
Your dress is gorgeous but I'm sorry you didn't have a good experience. I didn't even go into a bridal salon to look at dresses because I knew it would be baaad. Over 59, plus size, short = what will I wear? I finally orderd a custom dress from and Etsy shop and it will be here soon. I am just keeping my fingers crossed that I haven't made a mistake. I gave custom measurements.
I had an email today saying she was working on my dress, it was turning out great but she needed a few days longer than originally promised. No problem. I just hope it looks okay.
Here is a link:
http://www.etsy.com/listing/77333727/custom-made-maria-severyna-wedding-wrap
GORGEOUS!
I had a similar-ish experience..my mom lives across an ocean, so I've been sending her text pics and emails of all my options. My sister (who lives with me) appears to have gotten tired of my indecision and pretty much just checked out of the conversation - stopped replying to my emails and texts about dresses. When I found The One, I got no reply from sis, and the delay in texting between the US and UK can be long, so I got no reply from my mom either. So I didn't have either of them to celebrate with either. Boo.
I'm sorry you had such a rough time. I think your dress is beautiful and I bet you look amazing in it! Don't let anyone take away from your moment.
@Cherub71: Im in bucks county, encore, older bride, wife now. Feel free to PM me we can chat...and go shopping for shoes;)
Your dress is so beautiful and I bet you look so beautiful wearing it.
We are here for you <3
I went alone to look at dresses too. I move to LA to be with my FI and dont really have any friends or family close. It was a very weird emotion to do it all alone.
When I went to order it a couple weekends ago, FI was home (he works on the road) and I asked if he would come in and see it so I can get someones option on it besides the sales lady, but he said he cant see it til the wedding.. which I understand but I just wanted someone else to be there and be excited with me
I'm sorry that you had such a negative experience buying your dress. I think though, that at age 40 (I am assuming your bridesmaids are your age for this thought), women just aren't generally excited about being bridesmaids. I think the best approach would be to lower your expectations for how involved with your wedding they will be, because otherwise it sounds like they will continue to disappoint.
THAT BEING SAID- there is something to be said about being a good FRIEND. Your friends should be better about being there for you- but sometimes people just don't know how to be good friends. I can tell you from experience that it does NO good to get upset with your friends because they are not the kind of friends to you that you expect them to be, unless you're going to sit down and talk to them about it. If you feel your bridesmaids are not being good friends (friends, not bridesmaids- I think there is a difference- not being a good bridesmaid doesn't mean you're a bad friend), then I think you need to talk to them.
I am also really sorry that you had negative experiences with people at bridal stores. I think that there is never an excuse to be flat out rude when you work in customer service. However, I think it is a fact that bridal stores will never carry a wide range of larger-sized dresses. I know that's disappointing, but you will look BEAUTIFUL in your dress on your wedding day, and I'm sure the dress you picked will be fabulous. :)
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