I guess I am writing this to myself because I need to get it out of my system and maybe others can also relate.
Today I picked my wedding dress something I have waited my whole life for and I am crying. The tears are somewhat joyous ones but mostly they are of sadness because I shopped for and picked the dress by myself and no one was there to celebrate this with me, no one to hug in joy, no one to go out and celebrate with. This moment would probably not warrant so much had it not been for the fact that as a plus-sized bride, I went thru hell trying to pick a dress. Sample sizes in my size (street size either 20 or 22) are not readily available so while some stores may have ‘some’ (most of the dresses are so damn ugly that a white blanket with attached rhinestones would likely deem to be more attractive), picking my dress was done with a prayer and knowing my body fits best in an ‘A-line’ dress. My first dress adventure wasn’t too successful and subsequent ones to other stores left a bad taste in my mouth given the coldness and dismissiveness and sometimes even rudeness of the salestaff which often left me ignored, in tears and awe given that I didn’t know that in 2012, I would run into weight discrimination in the Northeast of the United States especially when buying a bridal gown. Don’t salespeople tend to drool and flock at the opportunity of selling to brides?? I hate to use “weight discrimination” as these are heavy (no pun intended) words but it’s really what it is. My Mom lives 1.5hrs away, can’t drive, and not one to give a firm opinion. My MOH and one bridesmaid basically disappeared after having selected their dress. Not a damn peep from them other than from my MOH who texted, “How was Kleinfelds?” to which I responded, “Didn’t go well.” No follow-up, not a phone call, nothing. It disappointed me so much that I began second guessing why I even had a bridal party to begin with. I was under the impression that they are supposed to be there at every pivotal moment of the wedding planning. Was I misled by the experiences of others or by watching too many bridal shows? I want to say that at the age of 40, I think I’ve been in enough weddings myself to know the difference. Anyways, now that I’ve said what I had to say, I think I’ll find a way to celebrate on my own even if thru some tears.
Thanks for reading my venting..
I bought mine myself too, it’s a mixed emotion thing
Aww Im sorry that you had such an awful experience and that your friends werent more supportive. Why dont you post some pictures so us Bees can oooo and aahhh over how fabulous you look?
I, too, chose my dress alone, so I know how you are feeling to some degree. I had the opposite problem that you encountered as, when I went into bridal stores just a few months before my wedding, I was not well-received. My size was too small and he majority of the store owners said that I would have to special order a dress, but the special orders wouldn’t be in time, so there was no point in looking. At one store, after I explained my situation, the store owner wouldn’t even let me LOOK at dresses. I know how much it sucks when all you want is that “bridal experience” and the store owners turn a blind-eye. I ended up buying a sample dress that was in a my size, but at a store with 0 customer service.
On a happier note, WHICH DRESS DID YOU PICK??
Awww sorry you had such a bad time. Post your dress and Ill pretend I was there with you to give you the praises you missed
I’m so sorry you had to go through this by yourself. Terrible sales people are the worst and I don’t think they realize exactly how much damage they can cause by being uncaring, unfeeling and unsympathetic.
On a happier note though, I agree with the above comments, let us see the dress so we can oooo and aaah.
(((((HUGS))))) I’ll probably be buying mine alone, too. Also an “older” bride and not my first wedding. My mom passed away a few years ago and my sister lives out of state. I’m not having a traditional wedding party, just a very small wedding. My best friend lives 300 miles away. In fact, my FI may go with me, lol. Maybe not. Either way, I know where you’re coming from - it’s not the usual way it’s “supposed” to be. But you are still going to be a beautiful bride and that is the most important thing. We have to remember that it’s not about the rings or the dresses or the flowers or the music. It’s about the lifetime committment with the one you love. Besides, please keep in mind that seemingly ALL bridal shops have snooty staff, against everyone. I am a size 4 and have run into the same snooty attitude thing. Nobody expects anything out of the ordinary, they expect the 20-year-old bride, mother of bride and MOH shopping sprees. They need to get a grip. As you said, this is 2012, people!! Any kind of discrimination is nuts. Size, age, whatever. Also, I don’t want to spend thousands on a dress, I only want to spend hundreds, so there is an attitude about that as well. Don’t let the haters get you down. You are beautiful, just as you are. And obviously someone really LOVES you or you wouldn’t need the dress in the first place. Be blessed.
@Cherub71: Awww Cherub Yay for you that you found your dress! That’s an awesome moment. Think about it…you may never experience that again! Honey celebrate it…even if by yourself.
I am so sorry though that you’re going through this alone. I went through my dress hunting alone, having bridesmaids who were not only out of town, but just not very enthusiastic. It’s sad when you see tv shows and movies with all these happy, girly moments and have expectations that thats the way it’s supposed to be. My advice hon, don’t let those expectations ruin your wedding preparations memories. Just enjoy the moments as they come, for what they are…not what you wish they could have been. Your joy is yours…don’t let any circumstance steal that from you!
This is a great day!
post pics so WE can celebrate with you!
*Hug* I’m so sorry to hear of your experience. I am sure you look beautiful in your dress. And yes, post pics. WE will definetly celebrate with you. As for your wedding party, screw them. At the end of the day, its all about you and your future husband. Be happy that you will soon marry your best friend. You have something that so many people search for, to love and be loved.
Silver lining though – while I can see why someone would want to share that experience, at least you were able to pick what you loved and not have a million opinions to confuse you or criticize your choice. Not saying that’s what always happens. But those bridal shows you talk about are also about people not listening to the bride as well. And tv does hype things up more than normal.
I bought mine alone and that’s what I loved about it. I’m sorry you didn’t have the greatest experience. But we’d all love to see what you picked! I’m sure it’s gorgeous
YES! Please post your dress! We would love to shower you with compliments on how beautiful you look! I’m so sorry your experience wasnt what you had hoped it would be, but know that you are not alone!
Where are you located? I’ll totally be a dependable bridesmaid for you lol!!
I got mine all by my lonesome too. don’t cry, we’re here, show us and we will oh and ah!
@claireos: That’s a great way to look at it. I always remind myself that I really don’t value anyone else’s opinion more than my own. About anything. So, if I think something is awesome, then it really is. Because I know I have very high standards, lol . . .
You guys are so amazing, really. I knew I could count on the beautiful bees in here. Thank you so so very much for all your kind and beautiful words. I’ve been so touched honestly.
BTW, if you know of any plus-sized lady needing a dress, Casablanca is the company to go with. They will make adjustments, customize, etc your dress. I’m getting mine custom cut for a little extra $$ and it will be made for ME and not a dress I need to conform to if that makes sense. I live in NJ but am working with Susan at Country Bride in Bensalem, PA and they’ve really been nothing but wonderful in this process.
Thanks again, everyone.
Love and hugs…