Financial issues causing problems in my relationship

posted 1 month ago in Money
Post # 31
Member
4609 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Move out on your own, your fiancé can move in with you when she gets her shit together if you both still want. The cats are clearly a separate issue, and either you can accept the cat thing or not but it may be a deal breaker. Either or remove yourself from this situation. No good can come of it the way things are right now. 

Post # 32
Member
1030 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

ihatehercats :  you break up and go figure out your own life. YOU’RE NINETEEN. LITERALLY A TEENAGER. I’m not trying to be patronizing, really, but you are way too young to be getting married, let alone supposrting a whole family. Go live your own life. 

Post # 33
Member
8197 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

One way or another, if you end up with your now FI, and no matter what she tells  you now, her family, not to mention those cats and her entitled attitude will be a headache. You are 19, with lots of changes in your own life and mind ahead of you. You are way too young to be tied down, and certainly not to an unmotivated person who would dream of putting you in a situation like this. If it’s not this, it’ll be something else. 

Post # 34
Member
4029 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 1997

You’re way too young for issues like these. You ought to move out , drop the overtime and enjoy your life. You both have a lot of growing up to do before you should have to worry about supporting a family  (that isn’t even yours).

Let the other members of her family sort themselves out for now. If she loves you she will still love you if you move out. If she’s using you,  she’ll throw a fit if you try to leave. 

Post # 35
Member
3982 posts
Honey bee

HappySky7 :  THIS. 

Get your own place. If you’re not ready to give up on the relationship itself, at least put yourself in an independent position. You can live separately and give your gf the opportuinity to make the promised changes, get her life together. If you choose to live together in the future- she should move in with you. Because this way you have control over who lives there and who doesn’t. She says she’ll give her mom and sister a week or two, they’ll claim they can’t afford to move and it will become a month or two. Or they may move out and then 5 or 6 months down the road their new arrangement doesn’t work out and they’re guilting your girlfriend to let them move back in. 

But several points of caution if you decide to continue in this relationship: 

Your girlfriend allowed all of the burden to be on you. Even if mom and sister were collecting government assistance, a big part of that assistance cheque is supposed to go toward rent. If your girlfriend lost her seasonal job (which sounds like she knew it was coming), did she not qualify for EI benefits while she looked for a new job? If yes, she should have been financially contributing out of her EI benefits, if no, this should have been a HUGE incentive to be busting her ass trying to find a new job. 

Your girlfriend allowed her mom and sister to disrespect you- you come home from a physically demanding job and you’re TOLD to start cleaning? WTF, I would have peaced out right there and then. They sound like the ugly stepsisters and they made you Cinderella with your girlfriend’s permission. 

Plus you say your girlfriend’s home used to be spotless (at least when you came over). Yet once you were living with her, her true colours came out and she was living as slovenly as her mom and sister….the apple may not fall very far from the tree here Bee. 

Don’t blame the cats though. Cats are generally very clean creatures and it’s hard on them if their litter box/ eating area etc aren’t properly kept up. If the cats are leaving a mess- unless the cats have health issues and can’t help it, this is the product of bad and irresponsibly negligent pet owners. 

Post # 36
Member
2536 posts
Sugar bee

ihatehercats :  Either way, the overtime money should be saved once the burden has been lifted. Even just a tiny bit of it will add up to a huge amount over time versus trying to play catch up when you’re older. I’m playing catch up now. Just something to have in the back of your mind. 

Post # 37
Member
502 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

Too much drama for being so young. You shouldn’t have to work overtime at 19 to support your girlfriends family. I would drop the girl and find some roomates and focus on yourself and your own personal growth and health. I also reccomend saving your $$ and investing once you are able to, as I would have loved if someone told me to do that at your age! Good luck!

Post # 38
Member
168 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

I think you should get your own place. Only you and the fiance no in laws. It is hard to live with in laws even if there are no major problems but with that and cats and nobody working. I would get out while you can.

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