financially dependent on my parents, should that switch to fiance when engaged?

posted 4 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
2400 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I think that when you guys get engaged that you need to be financially independent from your parents. I know it’s tough but work on that first then talk about engagements(:

Post # 4
906 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Why aren’t you supporting yourself? Just get a job (or a second job). I worked 56 hours a week in grad school while taking a full course load. It can certainly be done. 

Post # 5
7997 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

Well.. the only way to know is to discuss it with him.


I agree though, it’s unrealistic to expect that once you get married, the parents will still contribute financially. Honestly I find it a bit odd your parents still give you money when you live with you boyfriend, but who knows.


Since you already live together, not sure if being engaged makes that much of a difference.. but yeah, once you’re married I think that you should pay for stuff as a couple. If you still need parents’ money, you’re not really mature (in a financial sense) enough to marry IMO.


Post # 6
3978 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I think as long as by the time you get married you are financially independent, there’s no issue. I think at this time in the world, we’re getting a later and later start because of schooling/job market/loans, etc. 

Post # 7
627 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014 - Scottish Rite Cathedral (New Castle, PA)

I think if you’re engaged you should be financially separate from your parents. IMO you shouldn’t get engaged unless you’re ready to be married and I don’t think parents should be supporting their married child. So I would say your fiance should be ready to take on your financial burdens or be willing to wait until you’re handling them yourself. Just my opinion though!

Post # 9
3696 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I think you should be financially responsible for yourself.

Post # 10
170 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@jmv2013:  Like the others, I also agree that you should be financially independent prior to getting married/engaged.  You need to be able to rely on yourself before you rely on someone else.  I hate to say it, but cut the strings asap.

Post # 11
2546 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

It’s unrealistic and unfair to expect him to support you, whatever deal you have going on with your parents is between you and them.

Just get a job and be independent from both your parents and your boyfriend.

Post # 12
2546 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@jmv2013:  if i were you, I would wait until the spring to get engaged, when you have time to work

Post # 13
8993 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

I disagree with PPs.  My parents are paying my 30k in undergrad loans (thanks Mom and Dad!!!!!!!) with money that was explicitly set aside for that way back.  That is not changing now that I’m engaged.  I pay for everything else – my share of our mortgage, bills, etc.  My grad school was free thank god.

Is your bf in a position to cover all this stuff?  If he’s not but your parents are (like my situation), and they think this of this as something they want to do for you, I don’t see what the difference is.

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