Post # 1
Hi everyone 🙂 I’m new here and this is my first post, I just don’t know who else to talk to about this 🙁
I’m getting married next June and me and my fiance are really desperate to start TTC. We’re really hoping to be able to right after we get married, as we’ve been together for 6 years now, living together for 3, and engaged for 2. But I’ve only just graduated from uni and still haven’t found a job that’s relevant to my degree. I’m so torn as to what to do, as it’s really important to me that I have a job that’s worthwhile and doing some good (I have a degree in psych and want to ideally work as some type of therapist), but on the other hand I’m deserate to have a kid once we’re married and we both think that if we have a baby then I should only be working part time. The problem is that most jobs that I could get as a psych graduate at the moment are temporary contracts, with no stability or anything, and if we were to get pregnant after our wedding then I’d be stuck with no job and no maternity pay, and no job to go back to after having a baby, which we just can’t afford. At the same time though, I don’t want to be stuck in an awful job which uses none of my hard-earned psych skills and be miserable and unfulfilled… I *really* love psych, and having done a year as an assistant psychologist as part of my degree I know that it is something I love and am good at… provided I can actually get a job, as it is super super competitive, especially round here.
Is anyone else in this situation, or had this dilemma in the past? I could really use some advice, or just hear someone elses experiences about this kind of thing! I know it’s *really* stupid, but I’m also worried that I won’t be the first in my family to give my parents grandkids. It’s stupid I know, but my parents are kinda, what’s the word… not very good at treating people equally, I guess, and I know that they would be far less bothered about our kid if it wasn’t the first.
Sorry for rambling a bit…! Thanks for reading if you got through it anyway!
Post # 4
I’m in a similar boat. We got married in May and are going to start TTC in January. I currently work as a secretary in a law office (I majored in music) and I’ve thought about going to law school (I would start Fall 2014). I know that waiting until after law school would be the “rational” thing to do…but I don’t want to wait for a child. My view is you can’t plan your life to every little second. I know that when I do decide to go to law school and I’m lucky enough to succeed at TTC and have a baby then it will be difficult, but not undoable.
Post # 5
@Wabbit87: How old are you and your FI? I’m guessing that if you’ve just graduated from university then you are probably young 20s? It took me about 2 years after graduating to find a job in my degree, I’m 24 now. I went through 3 positions as an administrative assistant and a move to a new state before I was promoted to the marketing department in my current company now. I went to college for advertising and journalism. With the economy the way that it is and being fresh from school it can take a little while to get into a job in your field. I am very happy where I am now and know that the stepping stone beginner jobs brought me to where I am today. It sounds like you have passion about what you want to do and I want to encourage you to make that a reality no matter what stepping stones you might have to work through to get there.
On the subject of TTC, and I can only speak from my own experience, my Darling Husband and I have a simillar back story to you. We’ve been together for 7 years and are newlyweds. 2 years out of college. For us, taking the time to become financially and emotionally ready to TTC centered on us both having stable full time jobs with benefits, a house to start a family in, and time together as a married couple before adding to our family. We both want a family but know that if we wait we will be more prepared, older, and even more confident in being “ready.” Maybe decide with your Fiance what things you want to have before TTC. If you want to focus on finding a career in your field that will provide you with benefits when you do get pregnant then focus on that for now. There doesn’t need to be a rush to TTC after the wedding if there are things you want to get lined up in your life first. And no matter if you are first to bear grandchildren or not your babies will be loved by your family regardless. I hope some of this has helped, good luck to you. And just focus on your wedding right now, there will be plenty of time to obsess about TTC and babies after. I know because I’ve been there 🙂
Post # 6
I totally understand where you are coming from. I am 26 and have been out of college for 5 years now. My husband is 28. We have been together for 4 1/2 years and we both dreamed of being younger parents. To add to the mix, I have a 9 year old stepdaughter and we both really wanted to have a child that was at least remotely close in age to her. She is at the perfect age to be a big sister!
Here’s where the back story comes in. I am a teacher (certified in three areas) with my master’s degree. I was a subsitute for 2 years, taught for a year, and then was laid off from my district. Jobs are SCARCE right now and I am interviewing against teachers who have 10+ years of experience. For the past two years I have taught education classes at a local college and although I love my job, the stability just isn’t there (I don’t have a doctorate). So, we just can’t even think about TTC right now. It stinks! My husband has a good job with benefits and is pretty stable, but I just don’t think that we could live comfortably on his salary and benefits alone (in fact I know we can’t). So, unfortunately for the time being TTC is off the table. I hate that we can’t make our parenthood dream come true right now, but I know that I still have time and I am just too concerned that we would struggle more than necessary.
So, long story short… I feel your pain! I don’t have great advice, as I could use some great advice myself. We are just trying to enjoy every moment of newlywed bliss and push the baby desires out of our minds until the time is more right.
Post # 7
@Wabbit87 I’m assuming your more a less my age (22) since you just finished UNI and I think that having a baby now for me would be catastrophic!
First of all you should get married and ejoy being newlyweds. If you have a baby now or in the near future you can probably wave bye bye to your career. When you have a baby he/she becomes your number one priority and you can’t give 100% to your job, and given the current economical climate you need to give 100% the first few years to eventually land the job of your dreams and relax a little bit.
I think it also depends a lot on how many children you want.
If only one then I kind of see your point, do it now, stay at home a few years and then start your career.
Post # 8
Thanks for the replies everyone! It’s nice to know I’m not the only one. I should have said though, I’m 25, my uni course was 4 years, and I had a gap year and did one year of another degree before starting this one… so I feel a bit behind on where I should be by this age 🙁
Post # 9
@Wabbit87 it’s understandable,but having a baby now may make you feel even more behind!
your so young you have so many years to have kids!
Post # 10
I get what you’re feeling. I got married a few months ago, and initially we had planned to not start ttc for 3 years. However, since the wedding i’ve got crazy baby fever. Darling Husband has considered that we try sooner than 3 yrs (but more like waiting another yr rather than right away), which for me sounds forever… He thinks I should wait until I’m more settled in my career. I’ve been working for four years, am qualified in my field, though not experienced enough for management. The thing is, I’m really lacking in motivation on the career front, even taking babies out of the equation, I just don’t like my industry (not fulfilling in the slightist, though pays well).
It’s so good that you’ve identified a career you know you’ll love. If I were you, I’d focus on getting a job in that field, and then just see what happens in terms of ttc. Maybe you’ll love it so much you won’t mind waiting a while (at least until you qualify for maternity benefits). And then you can work through your pregnancy and have all that experience to put on your CV for whenever you want to go back to work post baby 🙂
As for wanting the first grandchild, I’d try to put that out of your mind. It’ll still be adored!
Best of luck with the rest of your wedding plans