Post # 1
This may seem like an odd thing to post about, but my feelings are just all over the place and I needed the hive! I found out a few months ago that my ex’s mom had cancer, and considered reaching out to express condolences/well wishes at the time, but didn’t because the timing didn’t seem appropriate (this was just like a week before my wedding). Well, today one of my friends let me know that his mom is unfortunately not going to get better – she could go anytime, the most optomistic doctor gives her a year.
It’s just tearing me up because she is such a great, nice, kind woman. The ex and I were together through high school and part of college, and she was like a second mom to me, but I didn’t stay in touch after the breakup because that just seemed like it would be awkward and not quite right. I did reach out to my ex via e-mail today after finding out, just to say I am so so sorry and how much his mom meant to me growing up and, well, the normal things you say when someone is dying =/
I just wish there was more I could do, or that someone could do, to help. It was not a nasty breakup, more of a just realizing we weren’t right for eachother as we got older and matured, but obviously I don’t want to stay in touch with the ex or anything – Darling Husband does know I messages him to express condolences today, I did let him know first. But I just feel awful because he is younger than me, only 22, and is now caring for both his mother and his younger sister, who is in 12th grade. So he is working constantly and I still don’t ever imagine how he’ll make ends meet – I guess his car just broke down, and his mom has no savings, no life insurance, and doesn’t own a house or car or anything to leave to them. And since his sister will turn 18 in the summer he wouldn’t get any help from the state to care for her.
God this just sucks, it’s not fair. She is like the nicest person ever and I hope she just stuns the doctors and makes a miraculous recovery, but I know how unlikely that is =(
Post # 3
I’m sorry you’re going through this and your ex too.
It is hard to say what is appropritate to do since I’m not too familiar with your relationship with her or your ex and it seems like you haven’t seen them in a while.
Do send a card to his mom, expressing your best wishes and offer your support if need be. Maybe flowers or some of her fave food items, if she’s eating.
Seems like they could most use money but you don’t want them to feel like charity cases either.
Post # 4
Do they live nearby? I would bring some meals over that they can freeze (lasagna, casserole, etc). It lets them know you’re thinking of them without being sentimental, but it’s also practical.
Post # 5
Sorry to hear this, it’s always sad to hear of someone young with children being sick.
I think bringing food that can be easily frozen and prepared is extreemly useful in this situations. When my grandfather was sick (he also had cancer), we were there a ton and it was so much easier to just toss something in the oven for 20 minutes than to have to cook/make ourselves when we could have been spending time with him.
If they don’t live nearby there are some wonderful food baskets online that could be sent as well (got one recently when my other grandfather passed).
Hope this helps.
Post # 6
Your feelings are completely understandable and I agree with PPs. Make a gesture, but don’t get too involved. You don’t want to confuse your ex in any way, or potentially create conflict at home for yourself. Food would be the most valuable ankd welcome thing right now, I’m sure.
You’re in my thoughts.
Post # 7
In times of crisis, I think the meaning of reaching out to someone definitely transcends any amount of time that’s gone by after a breakup. I’d definitely bring over some nice homemade meals and let her know that you are thinking of her, and that you’ve always been happy she was a part of your life. I’m sorry this is happening.