Post # 1
No kids yet, currently TTC. DH and I have pretty much agreed on everything we talk about when discussing children. The one major thing so far is whether to find out the sex of the baby or not before birth. I want to find out and he doesn’t. If you and your DH disagreed, how did you decide which way to do it? We are competitive people and considered finding some game that neither of us are good at and the winner decides, but beyond that, we don’t know how to settle this. Any ideas?
Post # 2
I like the idea of having a contest to decide who will choose! I think that’s what I would do.
To make it extra fair, you could do something that would be purely up to chance ie Rock Paper Scissors. But! It would have to be binding, and nobody is allowed to pout. Also, the winner should have to do something nice since they won. Buy cupcakes or something.
Post # 3
mdglass: Ohhhh that’s a hard one. I know it may seem impossible but what if you find out the sex but just don’t tell him. I also don’t know how early you are in your pregnancy but maybe he’ll change his mind and want to know.
Post # 4
Well, I would say, get pregnant first and then see. My husband always said that he wouldn’t want to find out the sex because it’s one of the few times in life that either surprise is a happy one (I disagree). However, once we found out we were having twins, he was on board to know the sex of the babies lol.
Post # 5
I kind of lean toward the person who doesn’t want to find out should get their way, but it depends on their reasoning.
I don’t want to find out, DH does… My reasons for not wanting to find out are:
- It’s kind of a traditon to not find out for the first one in my family. At least 3 generations now.
- I’m hoping for a drug free labor, and I think that little extra excitement will help me get through.
- I don’t want to get our hopes up either way and be disappointed if they were wrong (it doesn’t happen often, but it still does. We aren’t planning on getting a lot of ultrasounds and DH really wants a boy and I wouldn’t want him to be disappointed if they said boy and it ended up being a girl. Same thing reversed, I would be very excited if they said it was a girl, then find out it’s a boy… If I only find out in the moment I can be excited either way!)
- I want gender neutral things for the baby so we could use them for future children, finding out would make it hard to stay “neutral”.
- I have the BEST memory of my brother-in-law practically floating down the hallways in the hospital after their first child was born, and making the announcement that they had a girl, it was extra emotional and it is one of my favorite memories.
My DH just wants to know so he can know. lol
Post # 7
I would say ultimately, it’s up to the mom whether you find out the sex or not. Some women think it is motivational during labor not to know the sex, and other women think it’s motivational during labor or helps them feel more connected to the pregnancy to know the sex.
I would not suggest finding out the sex behind his back and pretending that you don’t know. It’s bound to slip out, and it’s also kind of shady.
Post # 8
I’d also say wait until you get pregnant and then decide. You might both feel differently when you are actually expecting a baby.
I would also just offer up this cautionary tale about discovering the gender of an expected baby too. Only my son and DIL had their second child last year. My DIL had THREE ultrasound scans all of which confirmed she was having a boy. A brother to their gorgeous little daughter. They’d decided on names and had given away all my granddaughter’s “girlie” baby clothes.
Come the Big Labour Day, little Phoebe was born! And, as her name suggests, she is a girl!
So all I’d say is that no matter how much you want to know the gender of your baby, Mother Nature has a habit of knowing better than even the best technology.
Post # 9
mdglass: Maybe find a card game where you can keep a running tournament. Start after you find out you’re pregnant, and then when you guys are free in the evening or on weekends, you can play a few rounds of your “tournament”….make it last a few weeks until you’re close to finding out the sex, and the winner decides.
I don’t know….I found out the sex of my first– and I really wanted to. I has a boys name picked out, and I wanted to know if we were going to get to use it– because I really had a hard time with girl’s names LOL (baby was a boy!) 🙂
I think there are lots of clothes (if you know where to shop) that are gender neutral. And at first, it might be easy to get baby’s room together…I swore that I wasn’t going to go all blue for a boy…..but that didn’t work out (mostly because blues and greens are my favorite colors, anyway….)
Your husband might change his mind after you’re actually pregnant. A lot of people think they know what they want before they are actually pregnant.
I always try to tell people that even if you want a drug-free birth, be prepared to let go of that if needed.
Cory_loves_this_girl: IMO, mom taking charge and deciding whether or not to fnd out the sex is just as shady as behind the back stuff. Mom and Dad are a team during this….so I do think it should be a joint decision. There are lots of other decisions that are hard to make during marriage, and while I am all about women and thier bodies….if you’re having a baby with your husband, I think you should should come to a decision together about whether or not to find out of the sex.
Post # 10
I also say wait until you are pregnant. I thought I would want to wait, but when I got pregnant with DD, I HAD to find out. I had to plan, I had to know. DH also really wanted to know and that pressure made me cave.
I’m now pregnant with #2 and have told DH that we are NOT finding out, even though he wants to… lol
Maybe you can compromise. if you plan on having more than one…? Find out the first time but not the second!
Post # 11
I want to know because I’m a planner. I don’t plan on buying lots of girly/boyish things, because we plan on having more than one child, but I would want to repaint the room that will be the nursery if it is a boy (it’s a rose color right now). And if I can save myself the extra work of painting, then I’d love that.
He doesn’t want to know because he’s afraid he’s going to be disappointed if we find out it’s a girl beforehand.
housebee: I’m hoping he does change his mind, but we just want to have a plan in case he doesn’t.
eecuadrado: That’s what I said! But we both know that I’ll slip and do something that will give it away. Either by saying he/she/him/her or just choosing a certain item that would lean one way or the other.
Fizzy8: Cupcakes, yes!
Post # 12
I wanted to know my DH did not, I won that, like you I am a planner and honestly it is so much easier to get the nursery to clothing when you do know the gender.
Though, I can say now that we had 1 child if we have a 2nd child, not sure if want to find out or not.
Post # 13
mdglass: Yeahhhhh it will happen I’m sure lol how could you keep it in! hopefully he changes his mind
Post # 14
urchin: That was my compromise. And he said he would be ok, but he doesn’t want to know with the first one, but would be ok knowing for the other ones. We’ll eventually figure it out.
The first thing he came up with was doing some kind of fantasy sports league that neither of us have interest in (like golf or NASCAR since we’re both pretty big basketball fans and he watches more baseball then I ever would), then the winner gets to decide. I made it a little more interesting by allowing our friends to join in and they might get to decide.
Post # 15
mdglass: I agree with others who say wait until you are pregnant and see how you feel. My husband and I knew we were going to have a difficult time with names so we made the decision that we wanted to find out to narrow that down a bit. Plus, we are both impatient. Something to keep in mind when you are planning… even if you do plan to find out just by an ultrasound there is always that chance that they are wrong anyway so beware of this if you are a “planner.” We found out girl but we are still going very very gender nuetral for clothing and registry items JUST IN CASE.