- 3 years ago
- Wedding: June 2015
I am feeling so torn right now. My heart and mind are being pulled in such different directions and I have no clue what to do. I have sat around feeling entirely stumped for like 48 hours. It’s gloomy in my head. I want to take a chance but I have no clue..is it right at all??
Backstory (long or this won’t make sense)
When I was 5, I got my first pony. We lived on an acreage an the rest of the family rode so I got this little black pony named, yup you guessed it, Beauty. I was hooked. When we moved to town I was crushed. The horses were boarded like half an hour away and life changed. We still saw them but we saw them less. I was officially hooked though. Too late to go back now.
Over my life, I kind of went back and forth between really involved and not so involved. But everyday that I dont do it, I miss it.
I worked at a horse retail store for 3 years when I was 20-23 and it rekindled the fire. Horses are really my passion but I had accepted when I was pretty young that a person couldn’t make a living off of it.
So flash forward to now. I just finished a certificate to work with people with special needs, am employed and basically and dying for something new already. There’s a whole post about that somewhere 😛 I have been searching for anything and everything and its getting me in a rut.
And then a couple days ago, I found an ad seeking a good horse person so apprentice on a horse retreat in exchange for room and board. Basically do my dream job (ride/train horses on a beautiful, very natural oriented ranch) all summer in exchange for living free.
If I was 19 I would jump in it in a heartbeat! I know the lady through my job at the store and I am fairly certain I could get it. The catch is that I’m not 19. I’m an adult, we have a ‘home'(aka tiny basement suite) a FI and 2 cats.
At first glance it makes NO sense. But there are some other factors. FI is goin to learn to drive truck starting Monday and will be gone a TON. I will barely see him and I am miserablr enough as it is. When my man is never here, it’s gonna really suck the big one. But if I could go do this and he went and did that, we could both live mostly free for the summer. I woulnt be making money but room and board is worth a fair chunk and he will be earning a wage and probably sleeping in the travel trailer. If we could give up the basement suite and save the $800 a month it could be highly advantageous.
Its a HUGE change though. FI is extremely hesitant about me going. Part of me understands an part of me thinks he’s being greedy. I don’t want to be alone all summer. But he wants somewhere to come back to and rest and what not and I get that for sure. The thought of not even having my own basement suite at almost 25 freaks me out too.
But this is my absolute dream. I want to do it SO badly that it makes me ache inside.
I feel so very torn. I don’t know what to do, I don’t know how to handle this and I don’t know where to go from here. I am 100% stuck.
Any insight? I know there’s no magical answer but I’d love ti hear an unbiased opinion!