Post # 1
I need help—I want to “fire” my maid of honor, but I’m not sure how to go about it. I know this might sound harsh–but she’s making my wedding planning a nightmare.
Im very close to all of the girls in my bridal party, so when I got engaged it wasn’t a difficult decision to ask my Maid/Matron of Honor to be my Maid/Matron of Honor and we were both overjoyed by the decision, to which she gladly accepted. However, since then it’s been a downward spiral and it’s like she’s a completely different person! She’s been making planning extremely stressful. Everytime I talk to her she tells me that “it’s not fair” that I’m engaged while she’s still single. At first I overlooked this, but lately she’s been ranting about how “you have everything and I have nothing.” referring to my relationship, and it’s driving me crazy. She was never a needy friend, in fact she used to be great— but a couple weeks ago I received a text out of nowhere stating that I’m not a good friend because she went on a date with her ex and “where were you? You havnt called me in a week and I needed you, and i never hear from you.” Meanwhile I call her at least 2x a week and she never mentioned it. i talked to her about it, and told her that her accusations came out of nowhere and hurt my feelings. ultimately, she apologized and said she was under a lot of stress–I forgave her and moved on. People get stressed and I got over it. Since this time, I’ve been trying to plan a bridesmaid get together luncheon–and my Maid/Matron of Honor keeps putting it on hold. First she told me that she’s not available any weekend this summer. So I compromised to make it work, andtried to work it out for a weekday evening for all 5 of my girls–everyone’s on board except my Maid/Matron of Honor. She doesn’t like the resturant I chose. Than she says she’s “allergic” to the Cheesecake Factory menu. Well what on the menu? She says all of it–I can only eat salad. This is new to me, but ok. I told her ok–well where would you like to eat; what do you suggest than? She responded by saying she can only eat sushi–let’s do that. I like sushi, we can do that. I choose a sushi resturant that works for everyone, at her suggestioand at the last min she needs me to drive an hour to pick her up because she won’t be able to get there -when she’s the one who chose it. Needless to say the plans have been postponed again. The last straw was that a very dear friend of mine passed away lately, and when I told my Maid/Matron of Honor about it she told me, “I’m sorry but I have so much going on with life and grad school I can’t deal with a funeral right now.” What?! Excuse you–what a horrible thing to say! Needless to say she’s acting like a horrible friend and I don’t want her as my Maid/Matron of Honor.
My question is—how do I word it? Obviously we probably won’t remain friends after this but I believe the friendship is already over. Still, I don’t want to be rude about firing her, and word it in a way that’s not too bitchy.
Bees, how would you word it? What would you say?
Post # 2
Friend, I love you, but this wedding planning thing has not brought the best out of us. I no longer want you to be Maid/Matron of Honor. Because I love you so much I really hope that we remain friends and you attend my wedding as a guest.
Or something like that where you don’t put it all on her. She sounds like a loose cannon right now.
Post # 3
Yikes, she sounds immature and selfish. I can see why you wouldn’t want her to be a part of your bridal party. Maybe something simple but to the point:
“MOH, you seem to need to focus on your life right now and are busy. While I appreciate you accepting to be my Maid/Matron of Honor, I don’t think it’s in your or my best interest right now. Hopefully you can attend the wedding as a guest.”
Post # 4
We are going through similar things, except reversed roles. I posted about it earlier if you care to look. I would word it exactly like curlycue said. Maybe your “friend” feels the same way and it would be a relief to both of yall. Good luck, I feel your pain.
Post # 5
vintagebride143: You don’t need to do a bridesmaid luncheon. I’d let that go.
But… I was with your Maid/Matron of Honor until you got to the death of your friend. I am so sorry, (((hugs))). And what she said was terrible.
I wouldn’t mention anything else and pin it all on that: “If you can’t support me when a friend dies, then I don’t want you as my MOH”.
Post # 6
CurlyCue: KatiePi: ksn1219: thank you for all of your suggestions, and support!
aussiemum1248: Why not a bridesmaid luncheon? None of my girls know each other, and I want everyone to meet. Also, everyone lives in different areas: NYC, Westchester and NJ–I’d love to have everyone together and have a nice time. I took your suggestion and told my Maid/Matron of Honor that she hasn’t been a good friend to me, especially during the passing of my friend, “so I’m relieving you of your duties.”
I’m really glad I made this choice, because she endead up telling me that she’s so relieved because ” it’s too much on me that you get an engagement party, bridal shower, bachelorette party AND a wedding! At the end of the day you have a husband and I don’t even have a date. It’s not right.” What’s not right?? I can’t help that she’s single, but her remarks are horrible. I’m still hurt but happy with my decision to no longer have her involved.
Post # 7
i’d say, “hey i’m not going to have this drama, i’ve decided to not have you in my wedding,”
the end. short and simple.
Post # 9
Came across this when I was searching for advice on what to do with my Maid/Matron of Honor situation. Jealousy is infuriating. You are absolutley right! You can’t help that she’s single. I caught the same crap from my Boyfriend or Best Friend when I first got together with my Fiance. She acted out in the most high school ways, we are adult women by the way. My engagement only made things worse between us. I’m ready to cut my loss of a 9 year friendship and move on. She has screwed me over in so many ways due to her jealousy. Glad to see you ended that cycle… my hearts broken but need to have that talk. This is supposed to be our happy time!
Post # 10
senglish0410: i second that. perfect, get right to the point
Post # 11
vintagebride143: I wouldn’t ditch the friendship over this. The key thing you said, IMO, is, “she was never a needy friend, in fact she used to be great.”
There is soemthign going on with her. She’s under stress and being a total pain in the ass. But I don’t think this is worth ditching the friendship.
The bridesmaid lunch/dinner is an easy fix – just hold it without her. (Invite her, but don’t cancel because she can’t make it.)
Post # 12
vintagebride143: Oh wow, just saw the thing about her saying it’s not right that you get to have a man and a celebration. This chick has lost perspective!
Anyway, sounds like it’s dealt with. Hopefully the friendship comes around one day when she can get over her insecurities.
Post # 13
vintagebride143: Wooooow. Her comments… holy crap. “It’s too much that you get all the typical things people getting married do. You should skip out on normal parts of life because I’m a terrible catch.”
Glad you kicked her out. She sounds like a nut!
Post # 14
vintagebride143: She sounds like a VERY self centered friend. Also, a luncheon is NOT a big deal and actually I think its a really good idea because these girls should know each other at least a little! Good call on dumping her as Maid/Matron of Honor.
Post # 15
I was all ready to pull out my ‘the wedding party isn’t hired help so you can’t fire them!’ card but after reading your whole post–I totally agree that she needs to go (which you did, so that’s good). I don’t know what’s going on with her as you said she didn’t used to be like this, but wow–very selfish. ‘I can only eat sushi?’ Who’s that high maintenance? Yikes. You have a husband and she doesn’t have a date? WTF? Is it your responsibility to make her happy in life?
My condolences for the loss of your friend. ::HUGS:: I’m sorry that you are going through losing someone close to you. Now that you’ve taken care of this problem, hopefully that will be one less thing to stress over!