Post # 1
More of a rant than anything… I clearly wrote “Mr & Mrs so-and-so” on the outer and inner envelope. I also took the time to write “# seats have been reserved in your honor” and we have already received an RSVP where FI’s cousins added their child to the card. I know there are plenty of other posts on here about this, but I thought that we were so clear that it definitely wouldn’t happen to us. Do people just not read the envelopes and RSVP card? Or do they just ignore the fact that their children are clearly not invited?
Post # 3
@MrsBeck: I totally get where you’re coming from, but how old is the child?
Post # 4
@love108: Two. One extra doesn’t make a difference to me but, if others see this child they will wonder why their children weren’t invited.
Post # 5
I did my rsvps the exact same way and I was shocked that the only edits I got were removing people and writing in 1 instead of two. That’s just classless IMO. And it doesn’t matter how old the child is. If the parent feels they need to come, for whatever reason, they should ask, not assume!
Post # 6
That would drive me bananas. A two year old is definitely old enough to be left with a babysitter. They’ll probably be asleep the whole time mom and dad are gone anyway.
Post # 7
That’s a pretty bold move on their part. You definitely made it super clear who exactly was invited. I would talk to them asap and say “I saw you added (child) to the RSVP card. I’m sorry but we are not having children at our wedding. I hope you are still able to come celebrate with us!” or something like that.
Post # 8
The fact that you used both inner and outer envelopes and addressed them to Mr. and Mrs. ___________ should have given these guests all of the guidance they needed. However, it is perfectly fine for you to pick up the phone and call them and have a polite conversation clarifying the situation.
For example: “FI and I were so excited to see your reply, and we’re so happy that you will be able to share our day with us. However, we noticed that you added __________’s name to the card.
I’m very sorry to have to clarify this, but, the invitation was just for the two of you. I’m afraid we won’t be able to accommodate any additionaal guests. I do hope you are still able to come.”
Post # 9
we had this problem too. we made it very clear about who was/wasn’t invited. it was on the envelopes, rsvp cards, reception cards and on our website. people still tried to bring their kids or extra guests. one person wrote on the rsvp card, “i’m going to need 5 seats so i can bring my kids.” uh, no. if we wanted to give you 5 seats, we would have. you get 2 seats. end of story. we cleared up any confusion and the couple said they’d still attend. wedding day comes and they don’t show. this happened with a few of our guests. i don’t know what’s going thru people’s heads sometimes, haha.
Post # 10
@MsJ2theZ: And that’s what bothers me! If they don’t feel comfortable with a babysitter or there is some other reason, I probably would have said yes if they had just asked me!
@mepayne: True! My Fiance asked why someone even wants to bring a two year old to a wedding. I have a couple of close friends who expressed to me that they are excited to go to the wedding without their two year olds.
@hollyberry4: I hate that we’re going to have to call them. I don’t know them at all and Fiance barely knows them (his dad insisted we invite all of his cousins) so it’s just going to be awkward :/ I know we should do it though.
@Brielle: We went back and forth about using inner envelopes and finally decided to just do it for this reason exactly. Fiance told me he thought it was rude to tell them this and I said it most definitely is not! The thing we’re worried about is we have had a decent amount of “nos” (more than we thought) so we can accomodate this child. My worry is that people will see this child and wonder why their child wasn’t invited. Is it okay to still tell them the capacity thing? Or if we allow them to bring their child, do we have to extend an invite to others as well now?
@lilchicana: wow! Five! I had a dream last night that my aunt added 5 to theirs as well so that they could bring along some friends lol. I don’t understand either… It just seems like common sense to me! Hopefully everyone shows to ours. I’m going to be upset if we pay for someone’s plate and alcohol and they don’t even bother to tell us they won’t be able to make it.
Thanks bees! I was just so frustrated last night because I believe that we did everything we could to prevent this (and spent extra time doing that)! I just keep telling myself it was a mistake and that no one would actually do that on purpose.
Post # 11
@MrsBeck: oh man. that sucks 🙁
Post # 12
@MrsBeck: I think it’s better that you’re not that close to them. That way, if you call and say, “we’re glad you can come, but we’re not having childen at our wedding!” and they get all upset, well, it’s not like you’ve lost a close friend 🙂 Stick to your guns. Allowing them to bring their kid will just upset everyone else.
Random wedding story: I was a Bridesmaid or Best Man for a college friend last summer. Her BIL and SIL brought their daughter (flower girl, ~5 years) and son (~18 months). They left for 1/2 the reception (cocktail hour and most of dinner) because the son “needed to nap in peace and can’t have his schedule disturbed”. Then got upset when there wasn’t any food because they came back after it was gone. The groom even offered to find a babysitter and pay for it beforehand, when this came up, but the SIL threw a fit about that.
Post # 13
Definitly nip this one in the bud. Are you having any other children at your wedding (exluding flower girls/page boys)? If not then this gives you a great excuse not to let them bring their child – a simple email/phone call shoud sort this out easily. If they kick up a fuss then just explain you *clearly* stated on the invitation it was adults only. If you are having other children just explain that you are already at maximum capacity and there’s nothing you can do about it. No need to explain further.
People like this rely on your being too embarassed to call them on behaviour like this so you’ve got to make a stand! If they don’t end up coming then at least you can ask along two other guests who’ll appreciate the invitation!
Post # 14
I had the same problem (rsvp came in about 10 mins ago), the couple added their 13 year old son to the rsvp. Really don’t know what to do about it!!!
That said, my uncle received an invite for <name> & guest (he’s travelling from another country). When he was on the phone with my mum he mentioned that he and his 3 kids, who are all over 40 so no babysitter issues there, were looking at logistics. Uhm, NO! Invite is for 2 people, for him and someone to accompany him on the travel as he’s 75. Thankfully my mum put an end to that swiftly.
Post # 15
@LadyKM: I might get in trouble with some bees but there will be other children there. We have some first cousins that are ages 9 and up and we decided to invite them. However, we drew the line at second cousins because quite a few of our cousins have kids (all under the age of 5). I figured this was a fair guideline because we drew the age line at 9 and we also based it on family relationship. Looking back this might not have been a good idea…
Thanks for your advice! Fiance and I had a hard time calling them because we felt embarrassed but then we realized that we shouldn’t feel too bad about it. The mom put up a bit of a stink and we’re not sure if they are coming.
@Oxfordnerd: Oh my gosh! Three extras! I just don’t understand why people are so quick to assume after we go through so much trouble specifically listing out who is invited!
Post # 16
That would drive me crazy! I’m trying to keep this from happening with every fiber of my being lol ..outer and inner envelope will have the people who are invited plus I will be stating how many seats are reserved for them and the only thing they have to do is write the name of the people coming.. I’m hoping I don’t have a socially inept guest who decides to change the rsvp on there own.. :/ If I were you I would do like pp’s said and call asap and let them know only the two of them were invited (in a nice way of course) 🙂