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Well Bees. I'm not going to lie, I'm a little nervous coming up to our first anniversary this weekend. I had suggested a weekend away at the spa/hotel where we spent our wedding night, and then a picnic at our venue, and he poo poo'ed my idea, so I put him in charge of our anniversary. I've asked him if he's planned it, and that I'd like to do something really nice since it's our first anniversary, and honestly, because romance isn't his forte and I wanted to challenge him. I was a bit mad that he had shot down my idea, which wasn't fancy, but was sentimental. Now I'm totally regretting leaving it in his hands because I'm terrified of being let down and I sort of feel like it's inevitable, the guy just sucks at this stuff (and I mean that in the most lovingly way possible)!!! I mentioned something about going away for the night and he looked like a deer in the headlights. Ugh. I just want it to be good. I want him to put effort into it, but I have this gut feeling it's just going to be a disaster.
I know that so long as he's planned something I should be happy because he's put time and thought and tried to do something special, but really.... Really... He's never planned anything special for us before. Literally. Never. Six years. I have this daydream of him secretly planning a weekend away, and I come home and he puts me in the car and off we go! Or even just coming home to roses and candles and a beautiful meal. I think those things really only happen in the movies, but I'm a romantic, what can I say?! I've done those things for him before. I'm the planner out of the two of us. Plus I'm just such a girl and I read too much into these things. I want him to want to do these things for me/us. I've asked him before to be more romantic, even just to leave me little notes before he leaves in the morning (he leaves an hour or so before I wake up) and he's only done it once or twice. How do you get a guy to be more romantic?! The kicker is that he's told me he used to be super romantic with past girlfriends, just not with me. Well gee, thanks. Uggggggggghhhhhhhh just keep your fingers crossed for me this weekend bees!!! I totally know I'm overthinking things right now, maybe I'm PMS-ing, I'm just stressing about this today for no reason.
But on to the good news, I got word from our cinematographer and our feature from the wedding is ready!!! We can pick it up tomorrow!!! Which sort of shot down the idea I had in my head. Maybe he was planning a secret screening with our cinematographer's on our anniversary in their big studio. I guess not. Ya I know, my head is too busy! But anyways, we'll save it for our anniversary Sunday. So hooray for our wedding feature! I can hardly wait to see it!
I feel your pain! My guy is also horrible at being romantic. I mean..not at all. I hope he surprises you and pulls off something amazing!
I am sure it will be wonderful.
He will probably floor you with something from left field. Even if it isn't super grand.
Have a good weekend.
Mine is horrible at these things too. And I always think of all these things and he never does any of them. But I love him anyway, I am just an over thinker. I am keeping my fingers crossed for you :)
Good luck this weekend! I can relate to this! My ex claimed to be uber romantic, and always complained that I'm not, but he never did anything romantic for me - no flowers or weekend trips or anything... So, I was always looking at those "books" at Chapters that contain sealed pages with romantic ideas, one for every week or every month. I always thought it was clever. My ex did not want to use those books, but I think my FI would not be opposed to do it in the future. It's just an idea, but maybe your husband would like that?
Happy Anniversary!
@AnneTossy: Sigh. I hope so too. I just know with him, romantic is taking me for dinner at the Italian place at the end of our street. I love it there, but it's not exactly the romantic first anniversary weekend I had envisioned that was a bit out of the "norm" for us... I'm trying to think of the most romantic thing he's done, and I'm sort of pulling a blank... He didn't even get to propose, my dad ruined it and let the cat out of the bag!!!!
@expecting rain: Thanks! I hope so too. Keep sending happy romantic thoughts my way please!!!
@pinkb: *high five for overthinkers* We just kill ourselves don't we?!
@Imagelicious: Oh he's totally fine if I plan something romantic, but if you ask him to do it, forget it. He likes date nights and whatnot, but he's never the one who plans them when we make a point of doing them. I saw an idea on Pinterest where you make a date night envelope for each month of the year, maybe we should each come up with 6 ideas and pull one each month. That way he doesn't have to plan it, but he has to at least come up with the idea... Thanks hon!
Happy anniversary!
I have no words of wisdom to make him do more romantic things. Perhaps a book like @Imagelicious: suggested?
@bakerella: Yes, that's why I thought that the book would be good because it already has pre-planned ideas, so your husband doesn't really have to think about it, only personalize it and make it happen :) Although, I've never really seen the inside of that book since the pages are sealed, so it may not be too good.
Happy Anniversary! I'm sure he will plan something that you will love! My FI is the same way, he's not the most romantic guy out there but when he puts thought into it he comes up with the most surprising romantic things! Have fun this week-end!
I bet he comes up with something that you will love anyway:)
Okay my cinematographer just emailed me a sneak peek of our feature and I'm all warm and fuzzy now. I can't share it with you until DH sees it though, I have to be fair ;)
Thanks for your kind words ladies, hopefully this weekend is awesome, and when it comes down to it, so long as we're together and relaxed and our phones are off, the rest of it is just icing on the cake right? I have to keep in mind that my husband is that guy that always pulls something off by the skin of his teeth, it's his marquis ;)
I hear you! I know I will feel the same way once our 1 year comes up...if I don't plan something, he won't do anything extra special.. He thinks he is romantic by asking me where I want to go out to eat and then telling me to make the dinner reservation..
...but I hate to tell you that I don't think it's just in movies.. My sister has had numerous boyfriends who have done such romantic things..one guy took her on the beach and surprised her with a candlelit dinner! The only time I had that was on my honeymoon at a Sandals..and that was because I was insisting we do it lol...
... I have a guy friend who told his girlfriend to take off for 5 days in October and and will then tell her to pack her bags closer to the day because he is taking her on a cruise to Bermuda!
...Now I'm not saying I need my husband to take me on fancy vacations to prove his romance..but even a rose every now and then just for the heck of it would be oh so nice ;)
@bride2bejc: Maybe we should tell those guys to stop it because they're making the rest of the world's husbands look bad?! LOL!!!!!!
First, happy anniversary! Second, I totally get this. My husband isn't great at being romantic but because of this, it makes the smaller things that much better to me. He worries that getting me flowers any other day will make a special day seem less special. If you're like me though, like others have said, if he puts effort into anything, even if it isn't grand, it'll be special. I think the fact that he's planning it himself is special. I do over think everything too though.
To give you an idea of loving the little things, my husband was telling me last night that he has to go bowling as a team exercise at work. I told him it sounded fun and he said "Eh, I'd rather be going bowling with you," and my heart just melted.
@bride2bejc: I knew a girl whose boyfriend at the time (now husband and you'll see why) surprised her with her birthday present. Her birthday is the day after Christmas and he flew her up to NYC (from SC) to go ice skating and to dinner. I thought that was crazy.
I hear ya! I adore my husband, but I, too, am definately more of the planner. Yesterday was my birthday and I basically had to make all the plans. I was upset about it at first because I really wanted him to plan a special day for me, but I refused to be upset on my birthday and just told him what I wanted to do and it was a nice day. It's not that he doesn't care, but I just think he lacks romantic imagination sometimes. I, too, daydream of him planning a surprise getaway. I think he wants to be more romantic and does good when he has a really specific image to work with (for example, he does draw me bubble baths, lights candles for me, and gives me wine which I love), but he doesn't really plan big gestures and events. Sigh. BUT, I guess I'm just learning not to have unrealistic expectations and to be happy with what he does do.
Happy Almost Anniversary to you!
Happy Anniversary no matter what happens:) I hope he surprises you in a good way. I don't know if this will make you feel any better but my husband has bought me exactly one gift: my ring. That's it. And he never plans anything beyond a Sunday drive. What makes this even worse is that he recently told me a story about his girlfriend of several years ago.
He was going to cash in what was left of his 401k and surprise her with two plane tickets to Paris, book a hotel room and buy her a beautiful dress and have it laying on the bed when they showed up. He ended up not doing it but that is like something out of a movie. WTF? Where did THAT man go? Lol
@mandb122: He's planning it by my choosing after he was so unenthusiastic about what I planned, not because he volunteered, lol! I know for sure that we're not going away tomorrow night, he's talking about how a friend invited him for a boys night..... I've been trying to be sneaky and get a little bit of info out of him, but he's not letting any hints go yet. Not sure if that's good or bad.... sigh. LOL!
@bakerella: I have to force my husband to plan things sometimes because he's worried a lot about me not liking it (I planned the trip we got engaged on and we chose the restaurant we ate at that night together). But don't be too sneaky! It'll ruin the surprise whether it's big or small.
I do get it though. I wish sometimes he would even come home, tell me to get dressed, and take me to a surprise restaurant even.
I could have written this word for word. A few months ago, I actually straight up asked him to plan something for us - just a small weekend or night away, because I'm ALWAYS the one to do it. Well, he somehow interpreted that it needed to be a SURPRISE, so a month went by with nothing, not even a mention of "Oh, don't make plans next weekend, because that is when we'll go away."
Then all of a sudden out of the blue, I came home from work and he said "Pack your bags - we're going to White Point!" (a lovely nearby resort-type-place with lots of wild bunnies running around) He had wanted to go so far as to pack the bags for me, but he knew he would be totally incapable of doing that correctly, haha.
Suddenly it was clear why he was shooting down all my suggestions for stuff to do that weekend! Haha. I remember a conversation that was like "Why don't you want to have lunch with X and Y? We haven't seen them for a month! It will be fun! You're being ridiculous!" etc. :P
So, I guess my point is... good luck, and if he's anything like my fiancé, he'll find a way to surprise you and make you feel good and LOVED! :)
Aw I know how you feel! I had big expectations too even though we had already talked about what we were doing and it was simple and we are going on an anniversary cruise later in the year. The main thing was that I reminded DH that I wanted a card since it's a paper anniversary and it's our first! Well in the morning I woke up real early (like 9) and made him breakfast and brought it in to the room on a tray with my card on the tray. He read it, ate his food, went back to sleep...until like 12! I was already fuming from that. Then he woke up and he was like I gtg get gas. He went out and got me a card.....because he said he had a card that he bought but my card was much better and he needed a better one. He was then gone for like an hour (fuming) and I was getting annoyed! He came home and had a card and I was expecting flowers too, didn't get any. I was really disappointed. Then we were planning on doing a wine tasting at a vineyard but it got rained out. We ended up just going to the outlet mall then going to dinner in the evening. It honeslty wasn't the best day ever, the best date or the most romantic but I don't even care. I think my expectations were just too high!!
I can't wait to see your video feature!!
@mandb122: Problem #2, I'm a nosy parker, I can't help it! lol!!! I'm trying to be good though! He knows what I like to do, so I'm hoping he has something fun planned. I think the other thing too is that he's an experiences person, and I'm a gifts person. Or both. Take me somewhere to do something fun, and then give me a thoughtful present and there will be happiness for all! LOL!
I'm glad I'm not the only one with an unromantic husband. He's actaully well known in our circle for his lack of thoughtfulness with stuff like that. Evidence: Christmas. He goes shopping on Christmas eve of course, and then Christmas morning I open all these presents and each of them comes with the disclaimer "It's not what I wanted to get you, but they were all sold out, so here's the receipt and you can go return this one and get what I meant to get you". Wow honey, the gift of standing in post-Christmas return lines?! HOORAY!!!! I wish I were kidding. He's just that guy. Thankfully it's turned into something endearing at least ;)
@BrightGreen: Awww that's so cute! I hope he pulls through like your FI did!!!
@PitBulLover: Uh ya, I would have been fuming too. However, you've also reminded me that I should have lunch and get to making his present! I have nothing for him yet, just big ideas! How crappy would that be if I was so focused on whether or not he was going to pull through that I didn't do anything for him?!?!?! Whoops!
@bakerella: My Christmas? "What would you like for Christmas? I want to get you something you'll love." I always tell him to surprise me and sometimes he does but he hates it deep down. I think his upbringing has to do with it because they always ask what everyone wants and just get that. I grew up with everyone making a long list and it was a complete surprise what you got off the list plus other little surprises.
@bakerella: what are you thinking of making him? And yes, I did address the day's issues with him and I was not happy about feeling like that on our anniversary. Husbands can just be clueless sometimes!
@mandb122: Two words for you: Amazon wishlist. Seriously. Over the course of the year, I put random stuff on it and point it out to him. It really makes for a much smoother holiday season, lol!!!! Actually, he was really sweet about a month ago. There was this GORGEOUS ring I saw that I told him I would love as a right hand ring one day if he ever felt possessed to do so as an anniversary or birthday present, and he asked me to email it to him. Very good man. He needs clear directives ;)
@bakerella: We're getting there too. We're going to the mall this weekend and I really want a Fossil watch I found. I said "There might be a Fossil store." "Oh, we can go see if they have that watch you really wanted! And we can find the cooking tools you've been wanting too." So I guess he's getting better.
Awww, my DH is like that too. I have straight up told him to buy me flowers more often. Small gesture but I LOVE getting flowers. He still doesn't do it. Dork.
Anyway, I hope your DH comes through with something very special. And HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!!!
@PitBulLover: I have a couple ideas that I think he'd really love, most of them involving maps.
I love this one because it ties in so well with our wedding logo I made. I could even do the little arrows! I just don't know what maps I would use? Maybe where we were each born?
And this one I love with where we met, where we were engaged (I'd stretch that one a bit), and where we were married. I wish I had the maps we used on our trip to the east coast, they're locked in our Winnebago 2 hours away though!!
@mandb122: Now see if that were my DH he would have said "Ya let's go see if we can find it, then let's look it up on Ebay and Craigslist to see if we can find it cheaper!" lol!!
@Theresa90405: DH is getting better with flowers. I get them about every other month. Actually you just reminded me! HE DID DO SOMETHING ROMANTIC!!!! I had a good windfall with work and some press exposure, and he brought me home flowers and a little cake, that was cute! Okay, need to hold that in the forefront of my mind more often, that was very nice of him.
@bakerella: I love this map idea. We'll be moving around a bit for my husband's job so I might steal this for where we're from, went to school, got married, live now, and live in the future on a smaller scale and add to it over the years. I love it!
@mandb122: I'd also like to do something like this, but it requires more time and effort than I have right now:
Okay, DH watched our feature preview so I can share now. PM me if you want the page and the password :) Warning, it's 13 minutes long and it will make you cry.
I can definitely relate to ALL of this. We've started talking about what to do for our 1-year anniversary. I'm SO TIRED of being the one who does all the planning - however, I also know that if I let DH plan, I will be disappointed. So, what's worse? Planning your anniversary that you both will enjoy? Or leaving it to Mr.I.Have.No.Ideas and be disappointed with what he comes up with?!
I keep asking for a date night and never end up with the romantic dinner and flowers that I envision in my head.... sigh.
I was getting very frustrated with it but am trying to come to terms with the fact I did not marry a romantic man. I see some of my guy friends and the crazy romantic things they pull off for their SO's and I wonder why DH can't be more like that... but he just isn't. So, instead of getting bitter about it (which I was starting to get), I just realized I have to be the planner. End of story. I guess that also means that when I'm tired of planning, we do nothing romantic .... how sad is that?!
@bakerella: I can totally relate to your perfectly sweet and sentimental suggestions being shot down. I threw out a bunch of ideas and each one got shot down. When I finally asked for his ideas - he said "San Diego". Seriously?! I have no love for the town - it was were we got engaged but has no significance for us a couple. It's where his brother proposed to his wife 15 years ago - which is why I think DH thought it was a good place. I don't want to go down there because I don't deem it special or interesting (I used to go down there all the time to visit friends).....
@bakerella: I LOVE that first one! That would be so perfect for you guys. I love the second one too...but I also love all things maps!
@oracle: Ugh I hear you, it's me planning or nothing.
I presented the idea to him of us each writing up 6 date night ideas, sealing them in an envelope and picking one at random each month. He thought that sounded like a good idea but decided to also poke holes in it by suggesting things he knows I would never want to do. Sigh. So I told him you had to be respectful of the other person, and that maybe we should be assigned alternating months so we don't get stuck with seasonal issues. Plus it would be fun to put something in there like snowshoeing! See, I'm already planning! LOL! Anywho, forward progress!
As per our anniversary, I poked at it a little asking if at least he could tell me if I needed to pack, and he said he'd write me a list tomorrow, but also pointed out that a list is paper. Yaaaaa that doesn't count. LOL!
I am pretty sure that you described FI & me in your post! I am 100% a planner and organizer while he is not. I told him a few weeks ago that I wish he was more romantic and that he would do things for me without me having to ask/hint/do it for him. He told me to watch out and that he was going to overwhelm me with romantic stuff... I'm still waiting. The first few months we dated he did do very nice, romantic things for me but then I guess he ran out of steam.
I really hope he does have something awesome planned for you! Crossing my fingers for you!
** Update!!!**
I got an email with a list of things I need to pack!!!!
- comfy clothes (outside so weather dependent) with walking shoes- one nicer outfit (not super duper dress up but nice-r)- bathing suit- outdoor blankets - overnight bag- light dress (nice but not formal by any stretch for next day)
We leave at 10:30AM. Start day with comfy clothes appropriate for being outside
given weather (which looks to be nice).
** Update! ** I got a list of things I need to pack! He really did plan something!!!
- comfy clothes (outside so weather dependent) with walking shoes- one nicer outfit (not super duper dress up but nice-r)- bathing suit- outdoor blankets - overnight bag- light dress (nice but not formal by any stretch for next day)
We leave at 10:30AM. Start day with comfy clothes appropriate for being outside
given weather (which looks to be nice).
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