Post # 1
I am experiencing my first frustrating moment as a bride-to-be and would really appreciate some prespective.
I have 5 amazing bridesmaids. 3 friends, 2 cousins (who are sisters). Although the wedding is not until June, I sent out a Doodle Calendar for the girls to fill out their availability so that we can go dress shopping before two of the girls so back to university in the fall. One is flexible in coming back for appointments and the other is in a very intense program (lets call her A) so I wanted to work around her and get it done before school sets in.
A filled out the calendar first and all of the other bridesmaids filled out their availability for the dates A picked and we settled on tonight (August 19th). I called them all to confirm and set up the appointment at Davids Bridal for 7 pm.
Everyone was happy and excited! SO this morning I texted all of the girls told them I was excited and making sure they could still make it to my house to dirve them at 6:15. A responded and said that she was too busy tonight studying and that she couldnt go anymore.
I am frustrated because I know she was out partying over the weekend.. and while that is TOTALLY fine.. I feel like I tried really hard to make this work with her in mind FIRST (she missed the engagement party/ bridal party meeting eachother) because she was away. ANd I just feel like she isnt making her commitment here a priority.
NOW BEFORE I SOUND TOO BRIDEZILLA.. i am not saying that my wedding is a priority, I just think that commiting to this time and then not saying anything about not coming until the day of.. after MY prompt is a bit frustrating.
I needs some prespective/advise/ please tell me if I am getting frustrated for no reason.. and also what do I do in this situation? DO all of the other girls order then we guess her size and order hers too? Or do I make a seperate appointment for just her? How does that work??
Post # 3
@Seashells7: I’d say just take the girls who can come and go dress shopping to browse.
If you find something you love and everyone agrees, majority rules and she will have to just try on the dress later.
Post # 4
@Seashells7: Agree with PP; if she’s too busy, she’ll just have to wear whatever you and your other bridesmaids pick out. You’ve done your best to accommodate everyone, and she’s had her chance.
You don’t need to order the dresses yet if your wedding’s in June. When you go tonight, ask when they should be ordered by. My guess is 3 or 4 months before the wedding. She’ll just have to go to DB on her own time to order the dress, or get her measurements done by a seamstress and let you know so you can include her dress in a group order. I would not randomly guess her size…baaaad idea.
Post # 5
I think it is rude of her. You worked with her to find a date that she could make- taking into account her studying commitments. To go partying at the weekend and not have time to attend the appointment she committed to is poor time management on her part and is quite frankly rude! She knew in advance about the appointment- she even chose the date! To not attend is rude rude rude. Take the other girls and if a dress is chosen, brilliant. If A doesn’t like it, tough. She had her chance to contribute. She can go to the shop on her own and order the dress that you and the others chose. IT’s her poor time management that has led to this so it is up to her to make sure she sorts her dress order, not you
And you may get people jumping on to say that you can’t expect bridesmaids to put their life on hold, you should have no expectations etc etc, but expecting a bridesmaid to turn up to a prearranged appointment that was chosen by her is perfectly valid. I’d be livid.
Post # 6
Thanks for the advise! What about bringing A’s meausrements and then sending her pictures when we choose for her opinion??
Post # 7
@Ihavenottold: +1. I totally agree with you. She shouldn’t have cancelled. I’d be annoyed regardless of what type of appointment it was.
Post # 8
@Ihavenottold: I was expecting a response about expecting too much of her.. but I honestly think that I did all I could.
I know it will be just fine, Its just frustrating to me… because I cant see myself doing this to someone else.
Post # 9
- Wedding: March 2013 - Callanwolde Fine Arts Center
@Seashells7: I think your bridesmaid has to actually go to David’s Bridal and get measured by their staff for the sizing. That was at least how it worked at Alfred Angelo when my girls bought their dresses.
Post # 10
- Wedding: August 2015 - Backyard Forest
@Seashells7: I would tell her that was going to be your approach (PP) and tell her it is a shame she can’t be there to choose for herself. She might quickly change her plans.
I think you’ve been incredibly accomodating!
Post # 11
@Seashells7: majority rules. take the girls with you that can go and let them pick the dress. you probably won’t need to order until 4ish months before wedding. betweeen now and whatever deadline you set, tell A she needs to be measured either by DB or somewhere else and have them sent it. she will just have no input on the dress (if you are letting your girls have input)
Post # 12
@Seashells7: It’s unfortunate, but you can’t force her. If you find a dress that everyone else likes, then she can go back to David’s at any time and get measured and place her order at any DB store, not just the local one. That is one nice thing about David’s for bridesmaids that live farther away – very convenient! Just make sure to let them know that there’s another BM and they’ll add her name and the style/color that you choose to her account so all she has to do is get measured and place her order.
Post # 13
@Seashells7: oh, and I totally think you’re fine for being mad. You did everything you could to work around her and she blew it off. But you can’t make her do anything, and you just have to be bummed for a minute and then let it go. Unfortunately it won’t be the last time someone lets you down. You can only control yourself though!
Post # 14
@Seashells7: I kind of feel like she’s forfeited her right to an opinion by not showing up…lol. But, if you still want to send pics, go ahead!
Post # 15
@Seashells7: Just let your other girls pick the dress and let her come in on her own time to get measured. If she chooses to flake she loses her right to get a say so I wouldn’t text her esp. if she really is studying because she may just become annoyed.
Post # 16
Thanks for all of your responses! I will add her to the account and get her to go in and get sized as soon as she can.
I spoke with her and she is studying for an interview tomorrow that she found out about last night in investment banking. It is her dream job. I love her, she is my family and although it is frustrating that she didnt tell me, I need to keep in mind that little things like this dont matter in the long run.
Thanks so much for helping me figure out how to order at davids bridal for girls who cant make it!
c’est la vie!