First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes a few years to ourselves…

posted 3 years ago in TTC
Post # 3
Member
3199 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

i don’t know a LOT about this subject, but i know if you’re particularly worried about it and want a professional perspective on ‘how late is too late’ you can go and get your fertility tested. they’ll be able to tell you at what point you will begin having more difficulty conceiving, how many eggs you’re producing, etc.

all i know is, there are commercials in my area for fertility treatments, and the woman on the commercial says she was diagnosed with diminished ovarian reserve at 37. personally, i would feel nervous waiting until 35 to start trying to have kids, but then again 1) you may have no issues at all! and 2) there are lots of methods to help fertility along if you DO have issues.

Post # 4
Member
1690 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Don’t rush!! You’re not A “spring chicken” but you certainly aren’t ancient either!! 

I can garuntee some of your friends with kids are looking at you and your FI longingly since you have a freedom that they just don’t have right now. Enjoy it now while you still have it, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with waiting. In the grand scheme of things, what’s a couple of years??

if I were in your position, I’d travel and eat out and go to shows and sleep in and do whatever you want with your partner until you get it out of your system and decide you’re ready for something else. 

 

Post # 5
Member
6270 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

i got married at 32 ( in october 2013), DH was 35 and now 36.  we started trying right away and are now on cycle 5. 

i would have liked to wait, but i didn’t meet my husband until i was older and i didn’t want to wait any longer.  this is what works for us.

if you are not ready you, should wait.  i  know a few people who had their first children at 37, 40, and 41 and all had healthy pregnancies.

Post # 7
Member
1734 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 1998

I get the impression your feelings may be more from a lack of wide exposure to children, rather than just not being ready. All kids have their moments. I’ve seen some true monsters that have made me consider shutting that whole thing down ASAP. That said, my cousin had a child when she was 21 (he’s now 8) and I have been heavily involved since day one acting as a secondary parent.

He has his very-occasional moments, but most things are remedied with a firm, “Please do (X).” He gets to it. Part of this is temperament — he’s laidback — but part of it is also practicing my own skills. I have noticed that he’s MUCH worse around his mom — because she ignores his behavior until he drives her batty, then she explodes and tells him he’s grounded for 3 months and other ridiculous punishments that she conveniently never follows up on.

Being consistent, being firm and not sending mixed messages goes a long way in directing a kid away from being bad. The next time you’re around your friends’ children, pay attention to how they parent their kids…and how their kids respond.

Do they ignore a child’s bad behavior until it’s outright awful? Do they issue several empty threats, then, only after the behavior is out of control, they lash out? Do they make excuses for the child’s behavior (“He’s only 3, he doesn’t know any better…”).

That said, it’s very wise to think about the cost, your own personal needs at this time, etc., in deciding to have a family.

My husband is 30 and I’m in my mid-20s. I will be blatantly honest with you and tell you that I have no outward signs of fertility problems. I’m overweight, but I eat well, work out, etc. My temperatures are normal and indicate ovulation at about the time my ovulation tests go positive. It’s been over a decade since I’ve missed a period, and I’m quite regular.

…Yet we’ve been actively trying to conceive for 10 cycles without a positive. Only now are we suspecting that it’s *him*, which is shocking to me. He eats OK. Again, no outward symptoms that something’s wrong.

I do urge anyone, after having my experiences (and keep in mind that I’m going to be very biased — I happen to be one of those people who had no sign of anything being wrong who is in the minority of folks having fertility problems), to get a semen analysis and get the basic blood work right out of the gate.

I regret that we didn’t do that now. It could’ve saved us so much time. There’s a chance I could’ve been in my final trimester by now.

A semen analysis usually runs $100 – $150; basic blood work could be several hundred dollars ($500, $700); the ovarian reserve tests they do, which tend to be more important for women in their 30s and 40s, could run a total of a few hundred dollars (average around $300 for E2/FSH/AMH/AFC tests).

 

Post # 8
Member
681 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

@CookieCreamCakes:  

@TwoStatesBride:  

I’m honestly really curious how you found doctors willing to do fertility testing before the 12-month TTC mark.  Because my doctor practically laughed me out of his office.

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