Post # 1
Hello! So, long story short:
My boyfriend of 5 years dumped me 3 weeks ago. We were fighting constantly during the last 3 months, and he couldn’t take it anymore. He’s in the Merchant Navy and now he is going to spend 6 months on the ship (he left soon after our break up).
I didn’t contact him at all, then learned from a mutual friend that he is thinking of getting back together, not now, but in 2 years! Maybe he got scared of a conversation about getting married and having kids? But HE initiated that conversation. Anyway…
One week ago I sent him a text, a “Hope you’re fine” kind of thing. He answered 2 hours later “Hey you, I’m fine, it took me so long to answer, I was sleeping! Please send me your news” and I just sent “I’m fine” and ended it there.
Now what??? Please help!
Post # 3
2 years is a lOng time to put you life on hold…. I would just let it be. Not worth my time
Post # 4
What do YOU want? I think it is a little silly for him to think that you would wait around for 2 years for him.
Post # 5
If you aren’t 100% sure this is what you want, it sounds like two years is too long to wait. Personally, I’d never put my life on hold from hearsay (HE never told you two years, you heard it through a friend, right?)
I’d think long and hard about what you want before agreeing to wait for two years!
Post # 6
@KathyJ: I suppose my question back to you is, what do YOU want?!
Being that this is a fresh wound, it is natural to have feelings, thru the hurt of the break-up. To desire everything you had in the relationship, and to miss that person greatly. However, the reality is he ended things with you. He made the decision.
Experts/many will tell you to STOP all contact and heal yourself. Easier said than done. If you are looking for closure, you may never get it. If you are looking to get him back/get back together, he may a) not want the same, and or b) take time in doing so.
If a mutual friend said he is *thinking* about getting back together…in 2 years, then that is putting a hope (albeit unfair) in your head. You should never have to ‘wait’ YEARS to SEE if wants to get back together. And so, if you start communicating with him regularly, then you will always be holding onto something.
This is not easy. But certainly, please (with all your power) find a way to ‘move on’. If it is meant to be, then it will come back to you.
Post # 7
Forget him and move on. Seriously. It is not worth your time. It’s ridiculous that he wants to make you wait 2 YEARS until he makes his mind up. Forget about him and move on to better pastures, cut off contact completely with him. You’ll be surprised how good it feels 🙂
Post # 8
That’s what he told his friend, “it may take 2 years”
What he told ME after the break up is that “we can’t be together for the time being, maybe we could try later”
He was still very angry when he talked both to me, and to his friend, because the break up was fresh.
But although he told me that he wants no contact, he didn’t mind asnwering to my text message last week. Instead, he said that it took him sooo long to answer, but it was only 2 hours… I don’t get it…
About what I want… I love him with all my heart. Our love was very strong. And with him being on the ship for 7 months a year. It was a long distance relationship, but a very strong one, it needed a lot of courage, and strength, and love to keep it.
Post # 9
@KathyJ: If you were the person he wanted, he would have fought for you, not taken the chance you would still be waiting around 2 years from now. I am sure it will be hard, but I think you should move on….if he realizes he made a mistake, let HIM come to you. But assume he won’t and get to the hard work of getting your life back on track and going after your needs!
Post # 10
I agree with PPs. You need to work on getting over the break up and moving on. You can’t put your life on hold waiting to see if maybe he decides he wants to give it another try. In two years you can meet a lot of people and undergo a lot of personal changes- you would be doing yourself a huge disservice by wasting 2 years waiting for something that only MIGHT happen.
Post # 11
Thank you for your replies!
Yes, I agree that 2 years is a looong time, and I don’t think I’ll manage to wait for him for so long…
But I talked with his sister and she told me that every time he calls her he asks her about me (how am I, he asks about my father’s health who had some problems recently and my news in general).
Now what? I cannot contact him at all, because he can only call from the ship and we cannot reach him, but why doesn’t he call me if he wants to know how I’m doing…
Post # 12
My Sister did a similar thing to her ex boyfriend. They had been on and off again since they were in high school. She broke it off with him to follow her dreams to Dubai to be a flight attendant. She told him it would only be for 5 years and she would be back, she was 19 at the time. Thing is she met and married an aviation lawyer while she was there,
2 years is a long time, people change, priorities change, and its easy to grow apart when you are apart. When I look back at my ex who I was with for 4 years, we have now been seperated for 5 years. We have kept in touch, but he is sooo different now (and personally, not in a good way).
I would not be putting your life on hold on a maybe…..
I would live your life, and if he comes back in 2 years the timing is right and works, GREAT!!! But I wouldn’t be laying all your money on that bet!
Post # 13
You deserve to love and be loved by a man that will fight for you and never put you on hold. Stop talking to him (it’s really hard, but I managed to do it with my ex), and move on. Someday you will look back and see what we’re talking about.
Post # 14
You learned that he wanted to get back together from a friend? I wouldn’t take this as reliable information. You should go on as normal, treating the relationship as over, until he says something to you. Take this time to move on and think about if your relationship was good for you.
Post # 15
I didn’t see anyone put this out there but the guys that are deployed really want someone waiting for them, it gives them a lifeline to home that they don’t want to break. I have known sooo many of these romances go from marriage to divorce in a year. Don’t put your life on hold. It really wasn’t fair for someone tell you he wants to get together in two years. That’s just leading you on. If he really felt that way he would contact you himself. I know it’s hard but you need to move on for yourself.
Post # 16
Move on. Its not worth waiting around for a glimmer of hope. Seriously, get some hobbies and forget about him.