Post # 1
Hi, back again with some more in law drama.. I swear this family is driving me crazy!
So I wrote recently about how my Father-In-Law was being absurd about the wedding and now my SIL is showing some similar weird side.
Some background, SIL is extremely generous, nice person that honestly I don’t know too well but I try very hard to be close with her. She hasn’t spoken to her parents in over a year because they “stress” her out and isn’t very close to her brother, my Fiance. However it is important to my Fiance that I make an effort to make her feel involved and we are both trying to be closer to her. Hence me making her a bridesmaid..
My bridesmaids are my 2 sisters and her. My colors for the wedding are grey, pink and white. I had picked a really beautiful 100$ dress online (convertible maxi) that could easily be worn again, or so I thought, in a greyish/purple color. My sisters loved it and were just waiting for the ok to order it. I send my SIL an email and tell her about it, send a picture and the link to the store to have her look at it. She calls me immediately to tell me that grey is not a color and that she wouldn’t wear it. There should be bright colors she says.. I tell her my other color would be pink she says ok that’s much better, she also doesn’t think the dresses should match, how tacky..she says. I tell my sisters the color has changed to pink and that the dresses no longer need to match, again really trying to make my SIL feel involved. My sisters oblige and buy a light pink dress.
Fastforward a month which is 4 weeks to the wedding I ask my SIL if she has found a dress and she says that she forgot to shop for it.. I tell her I would love to go with her to find one, she never answers. A week later she calls me and tells me that she can’t find a pink dress anywhere and what other color can she wear. At this point I’m stumbling and I don’t know what to say. I tell her the dress can be short, long, with or without a pattern or print any shade of pink, with or without sleeves.. there must be a pink dress somewhere this is impossible. She then asks me “what is my mother wearing? are you making her wear a specific color too cause you’re making me wear one..” I remind her that she’s a bridesmaid and that’s sort of the point and look that I was going for.. she says she can’t find anything and she’ll call me when she does and maybe she would have better luck if she could wear a black dress.. UGH
I tell my Fiance and he tells me to try not to make a big deal, it’s just a dress. She texts me that she has a perfect dress to wear. She sends me the pic.. it’s navy… I don’t understand how she thinks this is normal? Anyway, in the end I tell her it’s ok and in my head she just isn’t going to look or be a bridesmaid… she will just look like the groom’s sister. It’s not like she has helped me with anything anyway, she’s just stressing me out more. God I can’t wait for it to be over…
Post # 3
You have gone out of your way for this girl. Sorry but I’d call her and tell her straight up , pink dress or no dress. Give her an exact deadline (blame it ok printing program or something) if she doesnt have a link dress by whatever date she’s out. I would definitely call though bc then there isn’t a paper trail…, she doesn’t sound very nice to me. It sounds like she is extremely jealous and quite selfish.
Post # 4
@octoberbaby: At this point, she is not being a team player. I’m sorry but as the PP said, she needs to find a dress by a certain date and if not she is not a Bridesmaid or Best Man. Go back to the original dress you wanted and have the wedding YOU want.
Post # 5
DO NOT GIVE IN TO HER DEMANDS.
If she really can’t find a pink dress, point her in the direction of the original gray one.
Post # 6
Yeah the thing is she will need to be under the Chuppah anyway as family so whether or not she is a Bridesmaid or Best Man she’s up there.. just disappointed in her for sure.
Post # 7
@octoberbaby: If she can’t find a dress have your two sisters up there in matching dresses (the original one) and let her be there in her Navy dress.
Post # 8
You told her it’s ok? Oh hunny *hugs*
I wouldn’t even have her up there…. she clearly doesn’t want to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man….
Post # 9
Why dont you search for light pink dresses and send to her? Maybe you can help find something similar to the navy dress she sent?
This is definitely not normal… especially her asking for colors other than the one you suggested. She should have just gone with the dress you picked in the first place and there would be nothing to be concerned about. I prefer the bride to choose the dress for me to wear…
Post # 10
She attends as a guest. The end.
Post # 11
You’ve been more than nice to her. She’s the problem. Dress by deadline in your colors or no Bridesmaid or Best Man.
Post # 12
It would never occur to me to challenge the bride’s decision on what to wear. If a bride wanted something specific, I would either do it (it’s ONE day at a wedding that I have to wear it) or I wouldn’t be the bridesmaid. I wouldn’t sit and have ridiculous conversations like these, demanding the bride meet my whims, then never following through on getting what I’m supposed to. The lack of etiquette some folks demonstrate is both appalling and amazing.
Unless a bride were asking me to wear something where everything I have is hanging out, I’d shut my mouth and go with it. Even if I thought it made me look fat. Unflattering. Whatever.
If your wedding is really September 1st, unfortunately your hand is forced. I wouldn’t engage her in the power struggle of, “Do it or you don’t be my bridesmaid!” Then you welcome a shitstorm at your doorstep just 3 weeks before your wedding and risk alienating all of your in-laws. She’s being absurd. But you also have to pick your battles – people will glance at her dress, find it odd that she doesn’t match your sisters, and move on. Or maybe they’ll just think you were trying to distinguish the two sides of the family. At the end of the day, it will be a mild nuisance that is quickly forgotten.
Clinging to the situation is only going to cause you more stress right before your wedding. Don’t let her have power over you. You do indicate she’s been nice in the past, so hopefully this is not a matter of course.
This woman stands to be your sister-in-law forever. The wedding’s for a day. I don’t advocate being a doormat, but this is a situation where an eyeroll and a sigh are your best methods of tolerating it.
Post # 13
@CookieCreamCakes: I don’t advocate being a doormat, but this is a situation where an eyeroll and a sigh are your best methods of tolerating it.
That really is the mature thing to do. Needless to say, I couldn’t do that LOL. Not after already accomodating her ridiculous back talk about the color of the dress. OP should have told her to kick rocks from them. At least that way she would have at least still her vision for BMs intact. Now she doesn’t and she has see another dress/color AGAIN. Hell no. Getting the dress is the #1 requirement of being a Bridesmaid or Best Man. If you can’t do that, clearly you have issues.
Post # 14
@CookieCreamCakes: haha this made me laugh. Thank you. I am taking it in stride and am definitely picking my battles. Just disappointed/hurt in how his family is handling this wedding. and yes it is 3 weeks away so I just gotta roll with the punches!