(Closed) First for me… 2nd for him

posted 7 years ago in Encore
Post # 3
Member
501 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

this will also be first for me, second for him. we are still fairly young though, I am 28 and he is 33. So the way i look at it is, the first one ‘didn’t really count’ 🙂 and this is the real deal!

I am an only child and my parents are really excited about my wedding . . .so it is going to be the standard traditional normal-sized wedding, with all the trimmings. . .and I can’t wait!

if you want a small wedding that sounds beautiful. . but if this is your first, and you want a bigger wedding, I wouldn’t let your fiancee’s past be the reason that you miss out on that! just my way of thinking.

Post # 4
Member
690 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I am with hellorebecca on this one. He was married once before, when he was very young and going through a lot of emotional things. I look at it as the first one doesn’t count and we are starting fresh.

Post # 6
Member
165 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

I am marrying my guy who has been married before. I’m lucky in that he had a courthouse wedding with the ex, so we are doing a real wedding together for the first time for both of us! My fiance has two boys, ages 7 and 9, who are coming to be part of the wedding. We are so excited! But it’s also the biggest challenge, his ex-wife is tempramental, so she can be fine with them coming to Alaska for our wedding one day and the next, she says she won’t put them on the plane. Very frustrating.

Post # 7
Member
501 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

@ rhinosgirl: my fiancee doesn’t have children which does make it easier. . . but one of my close friends just married a guy with kids. she is 30 and it was her first wedding too. it was cute, she had his 2 daughters as her ‘bridesmaids’ (they are only elementary school aged!) and they had a little video that introduced the bride and groom, and his daughters. 

anyway, i’m glad it is your choice to have a small wedding! like i said it sounds lovely.

but the whole thing about him not wanting his famiy to come to showers makes me sad.i am grateful that my FIs family doesn’t remind me in any way of the fact that he’s done this before. I was a little afraid that they would resent going through the whole process again, but I truly think his mom and sisters are really excited to celebrate this new season in his life. . and i bet it is the same for your FI’s family! and after all. . the shower is mostly for the BRIDE so why would it matter that they went to his first wife’s shower. . .i say invite them!!

Post # 8
Member
505 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

This was my first wedding, but my husband has been married 3 times!  He is 20 years older than me, though, so he’s had a little more time.  This one is the right one though.  And since I had never been married, I went through with the bigger wedding that I’ve always wanted. 

Hopefully your FI’s family will understand that this is your first wedding, and they will want to participate as if it were his first.

Post # 9
Member
690 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

No, my fiance doesn’t have children, which, I agree, makes it a lot easier.

Post # 10
Member
1641 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I can add my name to the list. FI was married in his twenties, I’ve never been married, although came close twice (we are in our 40’s). Neither of us has kids.

We are having a small wedding, also- about 14 people, and then a really fancy dinner after. No real “reception”. we are also having a big party for all of our friends two weeks later, just a casual cookout. It really was the only way we could afford to include all of our friends.

 

Post # 11
Member
3241 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Also in the same situation.  We are having a more ‘traditional’ wedding in that we’re aiming for about 100 guests.  But we both wanted an outdoor ceremony (his first wedding was a church ceremony) and it is technically a destination wedding (although we aren’t leaving the US).  We used to live in NC, but moved for jobs.  Works out well though since each family is about the same distance from NC, we might well be the ones traveling the furthest! 🙂

Post # 13
Member
287 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

i also got  married to a guy who had been married before, also very young and married for less than 2 years. i tried consiously to make things different than his first wedding. their was catholic, ours was jewish. they used traditional chinese colors (red and gold) and i chose a very different color scheme. it was kinda weird because he really had done it all before – the whole thing – and that became a bit of a running joke. (“i don’t know what its like – you tell me – you’ve done it before!). anyway, it was totally and completely different in every way, which was my goal. i feel like his parents were a little suspicious early on and it took a bit longer to convince them that i was the real deal and nothing like 1st wife.

also, since a big part of their relationships failure happened during the engagement/planning period, i was extra conscious of keeping him involved and engaged and feeling like he was a part of things. everything turned out amazing.

Post # 14
Member
82 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

This is my first time getting married and his second (through no fault of his own).  He was married for 6 months when his then-wife had an affair.  She didn’t want to go to counseling or make it work. 

Thus, her mistake is my gain.  🙂

We are doing a traditional church wedding.  He felt uncomfortable last time that his former wife didn’t want any religious aspects to their wedding since reglion is somewhat important to him.  Therefore, he figured out that he wanted someone who matched him faith-wise this time.

It feels like a first wedding for both of us honestly.  Everyone on his side is happy for him, and they are all very engaged as far as what they can do to help. 

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