- 4 years ago
- Wedding: November 2007
Even though Darling Husband and I aren’t TTC for a while (financial/emotional reasons), we still enjoy talking about the possibility and what the future could hold.
I’ve had recurring nightmares since my MC last November about being pregnant and having the baby die in the womb, or MCing while in the 2nd/3rd trimester, or giving birth to a stillborn. This happens once every week for me, and I don’t know if it’s because subconciously I’m not over the last MC or what.
However, last night, for the first time (ever!) I had a dream where our baby lived. The dream started with Darling Husband and I selecting a surrogate for our baby after trying and failing to sustain our own pregnancy. This isn’t out of the realm of reality for us, as we already know we will face complications with TTC. We have also both discussed surrogacy, and the fact that if all else failed we would be okay with it. So, back to my dream. The surrogate mother bonded well with us, and during the pregnancy we all became close. Then it was time for her to deliver. We were all in the room, and I remember telling Darling Husband I was so happy we were about to have a child. Until that point, we didn’t know the gender because we had chosen to wait until he/she was born. We (in the dream) kept saying we only cared about a healthy baby. The surrogate delivered a healthy, beautiful baby girl. She was the most astonishing baby I’ve ever seen (real life or dream), but she definitely had a little wrinkly forehead and squinty eyes and was covered in gunk but she was gorgeous. I seriously wish I could draw so I could draw her little face- it was the most precious thing I’ve ever seen. I remember crying in the dream, and Darling Husband was crying too, and we were just holding our newborn baby girl. We had discussed (IRL) naming our baby Ellie Grey, so it was a shock to me in my dream when Darling Husband wanted to name her “Jodi”. I remember him saying we could name her “Ellie Jodi” but I told him that sounded weird, but we could name her “Jodi Grey”, so that is the name we chose in the dream. We held her for a while, and played with her, and time went by quickly until she was 2-3 and then the dream ended. I woke up smiling.
Sorry that was so long, but my entire mood has been lifted by that dream. I go to sleep most nights fearful of the recurring MC dream, but this was totally different. I just had to share with someone (besides DH) because I was so overwhelmed with the feeling that it was reality. I realize, of course, it’s not- and won’t be for a while- but it was so great to have a dream that left me with tears of happiness and not sorrow.