Post # 1
Le sigh. The first MIL vent of what I am sure will be many. . .Hubby and I just got back from our lovely delayed honeymoon to Eastern Europe. Had a wonderful time, lovely weather, saw great things, blah blah blah.
(Quick side note: We left our car at his aunt and uncle’s house because they live relatively close to the airport. His grandparents also live in the city; his immediate family lives over 1000 miles away)
Literally, seconds after DH turns his phone on after landing at home, it rang. His mom was calling to tell him she was in town because his grandpa was having surgery in a couple of days. So, after traveling for nearly 20 hours, we walked into a family dinner. Which I understand. I was (am) just grumpy about it because at that point I wanted to get home.
The part that really sets me off is that on the way from the airport, his uncle informs us that MIL “stole the keys” to the car. The first thing she says to us is “you’re not going home tonight.” Not because she didn’t want us to drive, but because we needed to go visit Grandpa. We explained to her that our housesitter had to leave that night and there was no one to look after the dog. She wouldn’t budge.
This goes on for a bit. Eventually, we work out that we’ll drive back up on Friday (tomorrow) a few days after the surgery to see Grandpa. She dangles the keys in front of DH calls him a “good boy” and hands them back.
I’ve been stewing on this since it happened (Monday) and just kept getting more tightly wound. I completely understand the need and responsibility to see Grandpa in the hospital. I have no problem driving back up (3+ hours each way) to do so. I do have a problem with her stealing the keys like parents do from disobediant teenagers and holding them hostage until she gets a solution she finds agreeable. The part that really stuck me later was she made a comment in reference to this that “See, I can be reasoned with.” (Everything is under the guise of a “cute” voice, which I’m sure makes it all better)
We had just gotten back from a 3 week trip and had to get home. We shouldn’t have to “reason with her” as to our plans. Why not just ask us? There are rarely ever major points of contention (now that the wedding is over), but everytime I see her, this sort of thing happens. We don’t see her all that often, which makes her easier to deal with, but instances like this make me really resentful.
Post # 3
Sigh (again). Literally as I hit post, DH got a call asking us to drop his mom off at the airport tomorrow. We were planning to drive up early, see grandpa, have a late lunch with family and get home around 6 or so.
Now, we’re bad children if we don’t drop her off at 6 PM–three hours later than we had planned on leaving–in the middle of rush hour in Chicago, which would surely turn our 3 hour drive into at least 5. That’s not to mention that we’ve arranged for someone to look in on the pup while we were gone for the day and don’t have time to find someone to either watch her or take her for the long walk she’d need.
Post # 4
The cutesy voice is what would get me riled up. I hate being patronized like that. I agree with you. It’s being talked to like a child that is frustrating, especially if you are adults and married with adult concerns and a life that you have to look after, in addition to caring for your family.
Post # 5
Tell her she will have to make her own way to the airport, you have delayed getting back as long as you possibly can, and need to get home for your pup. She made her way from the airport, she can make her way back.
Don’t let her get the best of you, it is obviously a power struggle. And wtf is up with “She dangles the keys in front of DH calls him a “good boy” and hands them back” that is beyond rude and condescending, and saying it with a “cute” voice *ugh* people like that are used to getting their way with their fake sugar and spice
Post # 6
Oh man. I can’t imagine being jet lagged and dealing with this. Can DH put his foot down about the flight? Can he tell her “look, ma, we’ll drop you off at 3pm b/c we have to drive home.” Or, novel idea, can the Uncle you mentioned drive her? Good luck!! 🙂
Post # 7
man your MIL bitch factor just went up – once she handed over the keys i would have gotten in the car and driven away
other than that – you are tired and jet lagged and shes being a bitch, try to step back and get some rest, im sorry what should have been an relaxing but exciting homecoming for the two of you is being being ruined by her antics
Post # 8
oh, man… I think I would’ve threatened her with grand theft auto if she didn’t hand the keys over. My FI…. ummmm… yeah, we won’t go into what he’d do if it was my mom doing that. His mom? His DAD would come down on her, lol.
I’m soooo sorry you gotta deal with this. Your hubby needs to tell his mother flat out “no way in hell” and tell her to get her OWN ride to the airport. 🙁 good luck and don’t be afraid to tell your husband how you feel!!!!
Post # 9
That is insane. I really don’t understand why people act they way they do. There was no reason for her to ambush you before you could even get home.
What’s your hubby’s attitude about this? When you say everytime you see her this kind of things happens, do you mean she plays this weird, condescending control game with you and your husband?
Post # 10
I hope your DH is standing up for you and setting some boundaries with his family! This was a HUGE priority for me before we got married – I told DH I wouldn’t marry him if he didn’t get this priorities straight on this issue! Its not fair to put you in the middle!
Post # 11
Oh, I can’t stand being patronized. It sounds like she needs a little “come to Jesus” meeting (that is what we say about our horses when they are misbehaving and need some schooling lol). As in you and your FI, as a united front, the next time she does something like this, you tell her like it is. No need to be mean, but be assertive. “This is how it is going to be.” And then drop it and be nice after that. This can come from your or FI, but would probably be best coming from either him or both of you.
Or you could do the immature, but self-satisfying, passive-aggressive, sugary BS right back to her…which is how I deal with FI’s ex when I have to see her (she is still close with some of his family, no kids involved, and I didn’t met FI until after they had broken up, FYI). We look super sweet and like we get along great to FI’s family, but we really can’t stand each other. I used to just ignore her nastiness, but I got tired of it after two years…this way she knows what I mean without me having to look like a B*. She isn’t as nasty to me now, knowing that I won’t just take it.
Post # 12
Thanks for your kind supportive words, ladies. Hubby doesn’t want to give her the ride anymore than I do. I think we’re going to offer to take her to the airport around 3 or so, when we were planning to leave anyway. It’s not too far out of the way and it seems like we’re trying to make accommodation.
michkarose mentioned it is a power struggle. . . and it is. Not just with us though, with everyone–SIL and hubby, heck, even DH’s step-father. (Who is amazing and unfortunately not there this week. He has this aloof way of pushing her buttons right back that she can’t get mad at–it amuses him).
Hubby picks his battles and will stand up to her when it’s important (i.e. we’re not staying the night). The entire family was there, so we didn’t want to make a bigger scene. She just acts this way all. of. the. time. It’s exhausting more than anything. Added to everything, the cutesy voice drives me up and over the wall–all the better to make sly demands in, I suppose.
She’s very successful in the buisness world, so I suppose the won’t take no attitude works out there. Hubby say’s she’s always been this way, so I’m just buckling down for the long haul and being thankful for those 1000 miles.
All that being said, she’s generous and would do just about anything for a person. (I’m feeling guilty for all that negativity). So long as she’s the center of attention and be sure her opinion is heard. Loudly. Several times.
Post # 13
- Wedding: August 2012 - Now Jade Riviera, Puerto Morelos Mexico
oh my word. i’m so sorry you have to deal with that! you definitely need to talk to DH about this and he better have your back!
about dropping her off at the airport… yes, i agree with An Alaskan Bride…tell her that you will drop her off at 3pm, when you were planning on leaving. it’s not like there is nothing to do at the airport. if she doesn’t want to sit at the airport for 3 extra hours, then she needs to find another ride. ugh…man, i’m pissed FOR YOU right now!
Post # 14
I used to live in Chicago and had a strict rule about rush hour on Friday–NO! Let DH tell her you will drop her off at X time. If she doesn’t like it there are plenty of public transportation options.