Weddingbee boards

Short Story: We usually don't go everywhere together, but I've always gone places with him, this is our first NYE as a married couple and I'm chosing to not be there for the first time. He said it was ok, and has now changed his mind.   I usually have to go by myself if it's something I want to do unless it's an event he deems his attendance is required (birthday, wedding, not dinners with friends). 

Long:

Well..I've always been loyal and followed my BF/FI around to all of his social obligations, I never can expect the same.  He's always said that it was alright if I didn't go with him, that I'm not obligated to.  I never went with him out of obligation, it was always because I wanted to be 'with him'.  So I've become close with his friends/social circle, but the same can't be said of mine. This bothered me heavily throughout our relationship until he went with me to a counselor one day and I saw that he legitimately has anxiety about social interactions. 

I never told my coworkers about our relationship because it wasn't that far along so it was a shock to most that when I got engaged, no one ever knew because I didn't think the work place was the place for personal info, and I didn't want to field questions about where he was for social events, or if we broke up what happened...etc. We've celebrated at least 5 NYE events together.  One at a club, another at a huge hotel party, another and the same huge hotel party the following year, then a quiet house party. 

Not so this year, a good friend of his was planning a similar quiet house party that I was reluctant to accept mainly because other people I'm close to aren't attending and that we've celebrated most of the events at this person's house (who I DO like).

It is acceptable in our relationship to meet each other at the event or go separately rather than being each other's shadow. We're often separated and socializing with different people at the same time at events. 

This year.. I'll be going to Vegas with friends.  He didn't want to go with me because his friend is having the party catered this year. wtf? His friend said she would want to go to Vegas with me too. I felt guilty for a while for wanting to go, he said he wasn't going and that I wasn't gonna go either which I didn't like.

Why am I going to Vegas?? Because who knows where I'll be next year, maybe pregnant, maybe a mother by then, may be divorced already...who knows? He said he was ok with me going before then I booked the trip to join my friends.   Now something has changed and he's upset with me for leaving him.  Mind you I leave him to travel for work all the time for longer than I'll be away this time. 

So this is our first new years married.. and we'll be apart.  There could in theory be many new years together so is it so bad we won't be together for the first one? 

How will you be spending your first married new years?

That is an odd excuse to not want to go to Vegas - because a party he was invited to is catered - really!??!

I know my FI would choose Vegas over a house party anyday but I guess everyone is different. I also see how it would be hard to be away from each other for your first NYE together but you could also think of it as you will have 40+ years of NYE together to look forward to in the coming years. I would talk to him and see what the underlying issue is - because Vegas for NYE would be EPIC!!! I say go no matter what or you will regret it.

I think it's okay to have your own things to do and not constantly be joined at the hip.  He is probably feeling a little bummed that you two won't be together (it may be a big event in his mind since it will be the first NYE married), but he may feel better if y'all sit down and have a nice calm talk about it. I say go! I think it would be tons of fun! Wish I could..

@AllRosesandSunshine: Thank you!!! In general how I make decisions is by waffling a long time, then think what will I regret less later in life..and you're right there could be many years ahead and VEGAS WILL ROCK!!!! :) 

@KatyElle: AWW!! I'm so happy y'all will get to spend your first NYE together! Thank you!! :) 

@SweetM11: Agree!! I agree, it NYE is a bit of a major event, what I just thought about b/c of your comment is tho what if it hit him that this is HIS first event I won't be at? (aside from batchelor parties ;) )

Thank you ladies!!! I feel uplifted by your feedback and waaaaaay less bummed about my decision. Y'all are great!! :) 

I think this experience will def modify both of our views of events going forward..maybe he'll grow a little and lean more my way once in a while..or not and it'll be the same as it always was.

Perhaps it's also fortunate I'm Chinese so I actually have 2 New Years each year :) We'll definately be together for the Chinese one.  We're always together for family events, but not always the social/friend/work related gatherings. 

We've always known our social needs vary..he likes the same old same old..I bounce all over the place and do diff things..and he joins me sometimes. 

@oracle: Nah I think he might actually be over it. He's more than welcome to go but just doesn't care to. I have miles to cover his airfare and all but it's just not his thing to run with me and one of my packs (which includes other married couples) to each event.  

@2ndtime: You're right, thanks for your input, it is a lesson to both of us. 

So - did you go to Vegas on your own or ?

@AllRosesandSunshine: I DID!! And I had an awesome time, thank you for asking :) There was some grumbling on his part after I returned, but I said well sorry sweetie, it wasn't my intention to just up and leave you behind, you were more than welcome to come but you didn't want to.  I reminded him that's the first time I've ever left his side for a social obligation and perhaps had I done it more often in the past he would be used to it just like I am used to him not being by MY side. I'd said it would have been preferable to be together and hope that would be the case for future events.. but alas..he bailed on me for some birthday party I attended this weekend. 

I told him about a saying I read the other day: "An eye for an eye leaves everyone blind" but he laughed and wasn't moved by it.. oh well!