- 6 years ago
- Wedding: October 2013
I’ve been a long time lurker here at the bee but have finally decided to come out of the shadows and introduce myself! 🙂 My fiance and I have been engaged since last summer and we had decided to put off wedding planning until I was finished with degree #2. Now that I’m finally done, we are finally starting our planning process. It has only been a few weeks since since and I am already stressed out and feeling pretty unsupported. I know that I would probably regret not having a wedding, but there are just so many factors (i.e. money, family) that are deterring my inclination to have one.
A little background on me and my fiance: I am 24 and he is 28. We’ve been together for almost 8 years and we are each other’s first love. He’s my best friend and I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with him. Before we were engaged, we always knew that we would get married even fairly early on in our relationship. I was beyond elated when he proposed last year (even though he sort of messed up the proposal haha, but that’s another story :P). We told our friends the good news and they were all thrilled for us to finally tie the knot.
However, I haven’t really felt much support or excitement from our families. So far, Future Mother-In-Law and my sister are the only ones who have been excited about and congratulated us on our engagement. Neither Future Father-In-Law nor Future Sister-In-Law acknowledged our engagement, which I guess isn’t so surprising since neither of them have ever been particularly warm to me. Well, his sister did “like” my change in status on Facebook, so maybe that counts? lol.
I was also dreading telling my parents because I knew they would make some comments that would completely ruin my good spirits (i.e. you’re too young, focus on your career, etc.). I know this was probably selfish but I really wanted to savour the happiness before my parents ruin it (they have a way of pushing my buttons like no one else). Surely, they reacted exactly as I expected. The first words out of my mother’s mouth were “Why are you thinking about marriage now? You’re so young. Weddings are expensive. You should wait a few years, I didn’t get married until I was 29 even back in the day.” My father’s reaction was less negative but he didn’t seem overly happy about it either. I know that it’s not because they don’t like my fiance, since they have known him for a long time and they get along. They just have trouble seeing me as a “grown up” despite being in my mid-20s… or maybe it has something to do with their fear of having an empty nest since my sister got married last year and they might be “losing” another daughter. Whatever the reason, their reaction really wiped out the excitement and happy mood I had been in before telling them. I thought I was prepared for this… and I was secretly hoping that they would surprise me… but I am still feeling very disappointed. I just really wish that they could be happy for me. Every time I bring up the wedding, my parents just quickly dismiss it or change the subject, as if I would change my mind and decide to wait a few more years. It sounds stupid, but it really hurts my feelings to not have that “yay!” reaction from my parents. It’s really taking the excitement out of wedding planning when there’s such a lack of support from my parents because I see weddings as more of a family event than a “my perfect day.”
Sorry for the super long, negative essay as my first post. I had no idea I had so much to get off my chest before I started… I guess I just don’t really know who to vent to about this and you guys just seem so supportive here. Thanks for listening if you are still reading 🙂