- 5 years ago
- Wedding: June 2015
My boyfriend and I have been together for 5.5 years. We met fairly young in university, and have been together ever since. We’ve lived in two different cities, gone on a long travelling break and have recently moved to a new continent (!) to attend graduate school. things are amazing in so many ways – except that i am getting very worried (for lack of a better word) about when we will get engaged/married. I should state up front that my SO and I have a fantastic relationship and are both very happy – we are on the same page about getting married, we just can’t figure out when.
The problem is that we have recently started a 2 year graduate program in another country. My parents pay for my tuition and rent (we live together, they pay my portion). Please, no snarky comments about that, they can absolutely afford it and planned for that expense, I pay for other expenses and contribute. The issue is that, I would love to get engaged during our program – then we could have a longer engagement and have a wedding the year after we graduate. We would need a long engagement as obviously, planning from a different continent would be challenging. I’m not sure if they would continue to contribute if we got engaged. They may feel that if we’re adult enough to get engaged and have money for a ring, I should support myself. And really, fair enough.
However, once we return to our home country we will need to take a set of (expensive) exams which could take another 8 months, and then do a year of work experience as well. This is a long process, and we’re not sure if we could work in our chosen field (or full time) while completing these requirements. I don’t know if it’s realistic to be married before that; i feel that perhaps we should be more ‘settled’ in our profession before the wedding.
On the other hand, if we wait until we are settled in our profession, a wedding could easily be another 3 years off, maybe more – and bees, that might kill me. On top of everything else, my SO has a very large family that will expect a fairly lavish wedding, and my parents will too. I think that both families would significantly contribute, but there’s really no way of knowing until we are engaged and either set of parents offers that info – we can’t say, “we’d get engaged earlier if you’re going to help foot the bill…thoughts?”
I’d rather not elope, and I have family members who must be at the ceremony who wouldn’t be able to travel for a Destination Wedding. And, if i’m being honest, we’ve been together for so long, and have so many friends some here, there and everywhere, that i want to have a big party and celebrate with them.
So I guess what I’m asking is for perspective – has anyone dealt with a situation like this? What would you do? Holy smokes this is long – i apologize! Waiting is hard enough when there’s an end in sight – waiting without a plan is very difficult!