First Post – Rehearsal Dinner Question

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
3718 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

If your FI’s parents are paying, they get to invite who they want.

So talk to them and come up with a happy medium.

FWIW – we didn’t even have a rehearsal dinner 🙂

Post # 4
Member
9137 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

It completely depends on whose hosting the rehearsal dinner.  My aunt hosted her son’s RD and it was huge because she invited all of the groom’s family as well as the bridal party and grandparents/siblings of the bride and groom.  If you’re hosting (i.e. paying) then you decide on the guest list.  If your FMIL is hosting and footing the bill then she decides on the guest list.

Post # 5
Member
3280 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I agree, if they are paying they can invite whoever. Our rehersal dinner is just WP, dates, parents, grandparents, and officiant and is over 60 people, but the wedding is over 300 people. I find it odd to have 100 person RH and a 130 person wedding. 

Post # 6
Member
299 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I’d always heard the rehearsal dinner was for wedding party and spouses/dates, immediately family, and any guests coming in from out of town. I think it’s that last group that makes some so big. Most of our guests are coming from out of town. We “solved” that by holding the rehearsal dinner at a venue that only sits 60. So that’s our max number of invitees (vs. the wedding count is about 150). I’m not sure who will be on the invite list, I’m sort of leaving that up to my in-laws who are hosting it. Besides the wedding party and people actually in the wedding, I only have a few family members coming. They’ll all be invited. After that it’s up to FMIL to choose from among her HUGE family. We’re waiting to see who’s planning to arrive the day before and then we’ll invite from there. No need to give people a reason to come in early if they wouldn’t have otherwise. 

Post # 8
Hostess
22135 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2011

@august302014:  Welcome to Weddingbee!

My RD was what you suggested: bridal party and dates, readers and dates, parents of bride and groom, grandparents of bride and groom, ring bearer and his family.

However, if your future in-laws are hosting, you may have to defer to their preferences here. Are you comfortable talking with them about the issue? Another option is to invite all out-of-town guests (whether they all accept is TBD) which might mean inviting more of his family but wouldn’t require you to invite allllll of yours if they are local.

Post # 9
Member
6525 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

@august302014:  whoever is hosting the RD can invite whoever, but the RD is primarily for just the wedding party and the parents of the bride and groom.

My MIL paid for our RD, but she is very by the book and only invited the wedding party and she invited her sister  that she is really close with. I didn’t mind at all, bc thats how its supposed to be, not a mini wedding! lol

I feel like some people drag out the parties

Post # 10
Member
42490 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

People “hear” things and think it is either the norm,or the expectation. It is only a recent innovation to invite out oftown guests. It is not required that you do so.

The rehearsal dinner is a way to thank the wedding party for their time and support, and to ensure that both sides of the family have met before the wedding.

If your FIL’s have kindly offered to host the dinner, I suggest you, as a couple, have a chat with them to share yor desire for a more intimate dinner.

There is always room for compromise. They could host the smaller scale dinner, and extend invitations to OOT’s to join them for dessert and coffee after, or for drinks.

Post # 11
Member
851 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013 - The front lawn of our church

@august302014:  I agree that if they’re hosting it they get to invite whoever they want. But I don’t think it would be wrong to casually say that you were invisioning a more intimate gathering with just the BP, their dates, and immediate family. If they insist on a big gathering then just let it go. 

Post # 12
Member
965 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

We will have a standard rehearsal dinner followed by inviting anyone in town to celebrate at the bar. My entire family is OOT and will love the opportunity to hang out and see each other!

Post # 13
Member
941 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

I think this is the difference between a Rehearsal Dinner and a Welcome Dinner. Can you request a small dinner for BP and immediate family, followed by a cocktail party or Welcome Reception for out of town guests? 

Post # 15
Member
941 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

@august302014:  I wouldn’t think it was rude at all! I honestly wouldn’t expect to be invited to anything other than the ceremony and reception. Anything else is bonus and sounds like fun!

Post # 16
Member
1169 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

We are having out of towners, bridal party, grandparents and parents. It’s about 50 or so people.

My sister did the same thing, then “opened up” the party after dinner for anyone who wanted to attend. They could have drinks and hang out, but it wasn’t nearly as expensive and the dinner piece was still super intimate 🙂 

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