- 5 years ago
- Wedding: June 2016
I’ve been lurking for awhile, but finally registered so I could ask some questions and I guess get in on all the wonderful conversations going on here 🙂
So some background: My SO is in grad school, I’m taking another year of undergrad because I’m a slow-poke (I should’ve been graduating this month, but that’s another story). I’m 22, he’s 23. We met abroad, dated for a few months, and then did long-distance from England to America for 2.5 years until he moved here in June of 2012 for his master’s. We live together and he will be graduating this coming December. Because he is on a student visa, we have been trying to figure out what the best course of action is for his post-graduation plans.
Now, on to why I wanted to post! We started talking about marriage very early on, but obviously it was a “one day” situation due to our ages. Since we moved in together last summer, he mentioned a few times how he would like to be able to buy a house before we get married if possible. That’s fine with me, no problem there. Based on that, I figured we’d end up getting married around 26 or 27. I tried to put any engagement anxiety in the back of my mind, but because we’re quickly approaching our 4th year together I can’t help but start to get a little antsy, even though it’s just not the right time (university students, etc etc.) He has a job lined up for January 2014, and instead of transitioning directly from a student visa to a work visa, he has the option of “Optional Practical Training,” which gives him another 12 months in the States before he has to get a work visa. Cool! So yesterday evening, I was reading an article about how difficult and expensive it is for employers to acquire work visas for their employees, and basically a flow chart of all the different ‘routes’ to permenant residency and citizenship. I showed him and was kind of worried about how complicated and nearly impossible it all is and how I was concerned his future employer wouldn’t be willing to shell out $10k for his work visa. He said, “well, I just assumed after I was done with the 12 month Optional Practical Training that we would be married anyway and I wouldn’t have to apply for a work visa because I’d be the spouse of a U.S. citizen.” …..What? So I said “I had just assumed marriage was quite a ways off, this is kind of out of the blue” and he just replied “Nah, it’s not too far off. I just want to start working first and making actual money obviously.” WHAT? I have no clue what to think about all this. I didn’t want to press him on it further because we had a guest over at the time, but I am so confused about all of this! Last week he was making a big deal about booking us a romance package at a vinyard/hotel after the semester is over, but I didn’t think anything about it until last night. Last night as we were cuddling before we were going to sleep, he kept saying how lucky he was to have me, how much he loved me and couldn’t wait to grow old with me. Normally, he’s a very loving guy but not too vocal about emotional stuff beyond “I love you.” It’s all just weird, and I don’t want to read too much into this…but I can’t help it! He is a teaching assistant and research assistant right now while he is finishing up his master’s, so he is making decent money and he has a pretty significant savings account for someone his age and could probably afford a ring, but I’m just not sure if this is all wishful thinking on my part. He’ll be graduating from one of the top engineering departments in the country and should hypothetically be making pretty good money once he graduates, so I assumed all of this would happen well after he started his actual job. He starts his 12-month period of Optional Practical Training in January 2014, which would mean we would have to be married before January 2015 if he wants to avoid applying for a work visa. But Jan 2015 is less than 2 years away and we would have to be married before then due to all the paperwork involved! Eeeek!
Unfortunately I have two exams tomorrow so I left for the library before he got up and will get home well after he’s asleep so I can’t discuss it with him today. I am bursting at the seams and need to talk to somebody about it. Give me your insight bees, please!