- 5 years ago
I’m still exploring this site but I’m so glad to have found it! I feel like this is all I think about all day every day and I’m going crazy! My boyfriend (that term sounds so childish after all this time) and I have been together ALMOST 5 years (2 weeks away), since we were 18, we both still live at home with parents, we both have decent full-time jobs. Problem: I was a STUPID 18 year old who started this relationship off by saying “I don’t think I ever want to get married” (looking back, I honestly don’t have the SLIGHTEST idea what I was thinking) and he, the child of divorced parents (ugly battle for which he probably should have had counseling after) completely agreed that he never wanted to get married and his parents advised him against it as well. Well we have had ONE breakup n our relationship, at the 3 year mark, which was caused because I finally spoke up and said at some point in the near future I would like to live together. this was met with a breakup/meltdown/life crisis on his part one week later which lasted a month. Last year, he FORGOT our 4 year anniversary but I tried to not let it bother me too much because it was a hectic time for both of us and our families. Here’s the kicker: all you ladies complaining that you haven’t received that diamond ring yet? He has given me TWO diamond white gold rings. *sigh* they are beautiful and I wear them every day, but on our one year anniversary when he gave me the first one I was disappointed that it wasn’t a promise ring….. Christmas after our 4 year anniversary I was disappointed (but not at all surprised) that it was not an engagement ring…. So here’s my biggest worry…. The ONLY thing he has EVER said about marriage was while we were sitting at the jewelers waiting for them to bring my ring out after a resizing and he asked me “would you want me to pick out an engagement ring by myself or have a sales lady help me?” of course I was floored and in shock just said “it’s not gonna happen so why are you asking that?” “as in I completely doubted he would ever propose) and he said “just answer the question” and I said “I don’t know I’ve never thought about it!” so….. Yeah I was a jerk =[ but it angered me a little that he was so nonchalant about something Id been thinking about constantly for months (now longer) and now at this point I don’t know how to even approach the subject again without embarrassing myself and destroying what we DO have since I’m really the one who’s changed the game here considering the attitude I started this relationship out with =[ I just feel like at 23 everyone around me is engaged or married and I envy everything about that, but mostly that they get to go home every night to the person they love, and wake up next to them each and every morning….. =/ our 5 year anniversary is in 2 weeks and I actually have a photographer friend who offered to do a “couples shoot” for us next week and I was sooooo excited!!! …. Until he complained he hates photos….. I told him “I just want to get nice photos done once and this is probably the only chance we have unless you want me to schedule for our 10 year anniversary…” to which he replied “yeah…. I know. Ill go.” =[ my brothers girlfriend even went so far as to text him about the photo session while I was with him saying “hint hint having a photographer on hand is the perfect time to pop THE question!!” he just laughed and showed me the text, never responded or said anything else about it….I don’t know how to even HINT what I’M thinking without terrifying him but I dont know how much longer I can keep this to myself…..Before I just start sobbing in front of him and blurting it all out….. And if even ONE more relative asked if we’re engaged yet I’m going to have a complete and total breakdown.