First RSVP weird situation… Opinions needed.

posted 4 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Was my BM out of line?
    Yes, it was rude. She should not have assumed. : (39 votes)
    45 %
    Get over it, it's only one more person and won't matter in the end. : (47 votes)
    55 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    1259 posts
    Bumble bee

    While it’s annoying that she assumed, I think because she’s in your wedding party you should (if financially possible) extend the plus one option to her as well. It’s still a couple months away, you never know which course this new relationship may take. I would just let it go. 

    Post # 4
    Member
    8720 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2013

    Most bees are going to tell you that the bridal party should get a plus one regardless of what you think about their situations. It doesnt matter how much she appears to like him that isnt for you to judge. 

    Post # 6
    Member
    812 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: February 2013 - Mansion House at the MD Zoo

    @jlc3:  I agree. Bridal party gets a +1, as long as you can afford it. It’s super annoying the way she went about it, but I would let her bring a date.

    Post # 7
    Member
    2878 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    Yeah it’s rude. *hugs* I don’t blame you for being annoyed, and she should have talked to you, but try to let it go. I think he still gets to come.  I think (unfortunately?) BP members are always supposed to get a plus one.  I’m a little worried about this with two of FI’s groomsmen… we shall see how their RSVPs look…

     

    Post # 8
    Member
    205 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    Adding an univited +1 is never OK, but it’s a bigger deal if you’re having a small, intimate wedding.  If she’s only ever been to hundreds-of-people affairs maybe she doesn’t “get it” yet.

    Post # 9
    Member
    1535 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2013

    @Loveylove13:  I voted that it was rude (because it was), but I do agree with previous posters who said it’s somewhat expected that members of the wedding party are given a +1 regardless of their current relationship status.

    Will this be a huge issue in terms of budget and space?  Or is this something that you can think, “Wow, that was pretty rude!” but get over in time for your wedding?

    Post # 11
    Member
    293 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    @Loveylove13:  I agree it was not the right thing for her to do, but playing devils advocate here, her intentions were probably good. since you said it won’t make a difference in the end, I’d just let this one go.

    ETA:  I feel bridal party members should get a +1 anyway. Not that it makes her assumption ok, but I really think its not worth making an issue out of with her.

    Post # 12
    Member
    1570 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    It was rude of her.  I am so sorry. 

    Post # 13
    Member
    2529 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2014 - Italian Villa

    @Loveylove13:  Totally rude, and… are they still going to be together in 3 months? It’s impossible to say! Personally, if I was the new SO, I wouldn’t be comfortable going to the wedding of someone I haven’t met and not knowing anyone. Maybe she hasn’t asked him yet and has assumed he’ll go.

    Post # 14
    Member
    3806 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    @Loveylove13:  I’m not of the mind of “it’s just one more person” because if you do that enough, it becomes 1 x 13 and that costs you more money. So no. I voted for the first option. It was rude for her to assume that she still had the option to bring someone. 

    Post # 15
    Member
    3077 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: February 2015

    definitely rude. It’s never “just one more person” to me, if you open up that can of worms, next thing you know there are 20 more people at your “intimate” wedding. But unless you want to call her on it and risk a friendship (if she’s the type to get upset), I’d probably let it go.

    Post # 16
    Member
    353 posts
    Helper bee

    It was totally rude of her to just assume, as a close friend she should have asked you first… but also, try not to judge her intentions… she might just be sad to go to your wedding (such a happy event!) by herself, if she’s just out of a serious relationship. She might just be bringing someone so she doesn’t feel depressed/alone during a huge celebration of love, you know?

     

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