First thanksgiving as a married woman

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
873 posts
Busy bee

She recognized it as a special occaision more than anyone in my family did, she commented on you being a married woman. I guess I don’t see your whole first year as something for people to acknowledge as special. you get 1 day, maybe a weekend.. not a whole year.

Post # 4
Member
355 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I’m sorry you are feeling this way 🙁 your feelings are valid, and I would probably be upset about my mother in that situation too. Not about her not really treating it as a more special holiday than normal because you’re married, but because of her prioritizing her boyfriend first. As the previous poster said, every event from your first year of marriage isnt going to be a milestone for your friends and family. But that doesn’t mean it won’t still be very special to you! This was my first married holiday too, no one made a big deal out of it, and it never crossed my mind that they should. I hope you enjoyed the holiday anyway! And maybe you can talk with your mom about why her actions upset you. I hope things improve for you both! 

Post # 5
Member
8720 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

@Daizy914:  I would be upset if my mother put her boyfriend first to an extent. Aside from that I dont see what the big deal is. The wedding is over and you are married. Nothing else is going to be special to anyone except you and your husband. For what it’s worth…this is my first “married Thanksgiving” and my husband is DEPLOYED so I was alone at my grandmother’s. My parents didnt want to come to Brooklyn because of the parking and traffic. Maybe I’m thick-skinned but I dont see what she (your mother) did that was so horrible.

Post # 6
Member
319 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

It’s hard for mothers to let-go and admit you’re a married woman with your own family now 🙂 don’t be upset! With your independence she also has her own freedom and sounds like she’s not adjusting smoothly. She has to focus her attention somewhere, so she’s nuturing her boyfriend in replacement of you. Give her some time, and if things don’t improve you should absolutely sit her down and tell her she’s hurting your feelings. Mother-daughter relationships are hard.

Post # 7
Member
1981 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

@Daizy914:  You spent thanksgiving with your Husband/ your man. Your mom spent Thanksgiving with her Man. That doesn’t make her a bad mom or not make you a priority. Your mom doesn’t have to spend every holiday with you and you don’t have to spend every holiday with her.  I’ve spent plenty of thanksgivings without either parent- including this year. 

Post # 9
Member
7279 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@HeartsandSparkles:  +1 The wedding year firsts are imporant to you, but no one else. Ive never thougt about a couples “firsts” when it relates to my own plans.  

Post # 10
Member
8419 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

@Daizy914:  Some people get to have mothers that care, and some of us don’t.  My mother has never called me on Christmas, Thanksgiving, my birthday, etc., you just get used to it after a while.

Post # 11
Member
1969 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

I don’t see this as your mother putting her boyfriend before you.  Its not like it was a serious life or death situation. Just because you are your mother’s child, doesn’t mean your every whim should be her number 1 priority.  You’re grown and married. Your mom as a life outside of you, and that’s okay. Your mom’s world doesn’t revolve around you.  She did what she wanted to do, with whom she wanted to do it.  I don’t see this a bad thing.  

Post # 12
Member
7654 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

@Daizy914:  I think its nice she sent you a text. I will echo everyone else and say no one else looks at it as your slew of firsts together as a married couple, or even cares like you do. Granted, I wonder why she didn’t come to your Thanksgiving since you were hosting, but at any rate it sound slike you had other’s there. I think you and your mother have issues that just make this seem worse than it actually is.

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