Post # 1
First I would like to wish you all a Happy Thanksgiving.
I am posting because this was my first time ever hosting a thanksgiving dinner, and not only that, but it was my first thanksgiving as a wife. We had a small thanksgiving, it was just me, my husband and my father and mother in law and our dog Daisy.
As for my issue, I am not sad or disappointed, but I am beside myself as to how to feel about MY mother who didnt make an effort to see me on thanksgiving, she couldn’t even pick up the phone. All she did was text me and say ” happy thanksgiving as a married woman. Love you both.” She has really proved to me that her boyfriend comes first over her children, I am starting to see exactly where I stand with her and I don’t think that its right. Am I wrong for feeling like this? I mean, I think I am a little hurt that my own mother doesn’t see how this is a special moment for me? The way I see it is that your entire first year of marriage is a very special year because its a new chapter and your doing evetything for the first time again…does this make sense? And I am sad because I am trying to have a relationship with her and have her be a apart of my life and she just doesn’t care. I called her to find ouT if shes coming and she was hesitant to answer and eventually she said if we find parking we will come but its late and Im like its only 7pm? You have been at your BFs house all day, you couldn’t leave early for once?
Im just venting….again about my mother
Post # 3
She recognized it as a special occaision more than anyone in my family did, she commented on you being a married woman. I guess I don’t see your whole first year as something for people to acknowledge as special. you get 1 day, maybe a weekend.. not a whole year.
Post # 4
I’m sorry you are feeling this way 🙁 your feelings are valid, and I would probably be upset about my mother in that situation too. Not about her not really treating it as a more special holiday than normal because you’re married, but because of her prioritizing her boyfriend first. As the previous poster said, every event from your first year of marriage isnt going to be a milestone for your friends and family. But that doesn’t mean it won’t still be very special to you! This was my first married holiday too, no one made a big deal out of it, and it never crossed my mind that they should. I hope you enjoyed the holiday anyway! And maybe you can talk with your mom about why her actions upset you. I hope things improve for you both!
Post # 5
@Daizy914: I would be upset if my mother put her boyfriend first to an extent. Aside from that I dont see what the big deal is. The wedding is over and you are married. Nothing else is going to be special to anyone except you and your husband. For what it’s worth…this is my first “married Thanksgiving” and my husband is DEPLOYED so I was alone at my grandmother’s. My parents didnt want to come to Brooklyn because of the parking and traffic. Maybe I’m thick-skinned but I dont see what she (your mother) did that was so horrible.
Post # 6
It’s hard for mothers to let-go and admit you’re a married woman with your own family now 🙂 don’t be upset! With your independence she also has her own freedom and sounds like she’s not adjusting smoothly. She has to focus her attention somewhere, so she’s nuturing her boyfriend in replacement of you. Give her some time, and if things don’t improve you should absolutely sit her down and tell her she’s hurting your feelings. Mother-daughter relationships are hard.
Post # 7
@Daizy914: You spent thanksgiving with your Husband/ your man. Your mom spent Thanksgiving with her Man. That doesn’t make her a bad mom or not make you a priority. Your mom doesn’t have to spend every holiday with you and you don’t have to spend every holiday with her. I’ve spent plenty of thanksgivings without either parent- including this year.
Post # 8
@gelaine22: my mother and I have so many issues and I this just adds to them and mayve thays why I am so upset. Ive tried talking with her but she always turns it around on me and plays the victim role along with guilt trips. Ive gone to therapy. I even went with her once and she never came again bc she wasnt hearing what she wanted to hear. I just dont know what to do anymore.
@GracieGirl11: you are right, i didnt see it that way but it makes sense
Post # 9
@HeartsandSparkles: +1 The wedding year firsts are imporant to you, but no one else. Ive never thougt about a couples “firsts” when it relates to my own plans.
Post # 10
@Daizy914: Some people get to have mothers that care, and some of us don’t. My mother has never called me on Christmas, Thanksgiving, my birthday, etc., you just get used to it after a while.
Post # 11
I don’t see this as your mother putting her boyfriend before you. Its not like it was a serious life or death situation. Just because you are your mother’s child, doesn’t mean your every whim should be her number 1 priority. You’re grown and married. Your mom as a life outside of you, and that’s okay. Your mom’s world doesn’t revolve around you. She did what she wanted to do, with whom she wanted to do it. I don’t see this a bad thing.
Post # 12
@Daizy914: I think its nice she sent you a text. I will echo everyone else and say no one else looks at it as your slew of firsts together as a married couple, or even cares like you do. Granted, I wonder why she didn’t come to your Thanksgiving since you were hosting, but at any rate it sound slike you had other’s there. I think you and your mother have issues that just make this seem worse than it actually is.