(Closed) First time dad at 40+?

posted 5 years ago in Babies
Post # 3
Member
9956 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

As someone who is over 50, I would say that age comes on more rapidly as the years go by.

Soo… if you guys visualize yourself being active with these kids, then better to have them sooner than later in life.

Over 40 and our bodies begin to slow down… by 50 that amount can be substantial (lots of folks my age say they cannot believe how much our bodies change / slow down at the 50 year mark… it is almost like when you buy a car, and the end of the “warranty period” begins to loom)

I had my kids in my middle to late 20s, and was able to run around after them (almost effortlessly) when they were toddlers, enjoy skating, skiing, camping and canoeing with them when they were kids and pre-teens, and still keep up to them in their teenage years (ie Dad tossing hoops or throwing around a football).

These more energetic experiences will take a toll on a Mom & Dad as you age… easy to do in your 30s when the kids are young, but more difficult if Dad is in his 40s and 50s when they are preteens and older wanting to go tubing, snowboarding etc for a family vacation etc.

And as I said, the “gap” only gets greater as the years go on… can be a strain to be a college student or young adult with older parents that have health issues or require care… I know people my age, who feel like they’ve been “burdened” somewhat by the fact that they’ve had older / retired parents almost their whole lives.

Certainly worth considering…

 

Post # 4
Member
5015 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

Yes!! I’m 27 and FI is soon-to-be 37. We are both switching jobs next year and will probably move twice in the next 3-4 years. My loose plan is to start trying when I’m 30, so he will be 40, but who knows if we will feel ready at that point. If we have two kids, I would like to have them both before I’m 35 so he’s 45. If we were the same age, I think I wouldn’t think about timing as much and might be willing to wait a few more years. But, I love my FI and wouldn’t have it any other way! Everyone has their “things” that they worry/think about, and this is just ours 🙂

Post # 5
Member
1853 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@lovejewel:  I’m not in a similar situation, but I just wanted to give a little health-related input if you’re at all interested. With increasing paternal and maternal age, the risks of nondisjunction disorders (like Down syndrome) and Autism spectrum disorders increases significantly. These risks are still not alarmingly high, and your child would most likely be beautiful and healthy, but your genetic mechanisms do age and start to fail a little more frequently. This is just something that would be important to me, so I wanted to put it out there, but I know not everyone is concerned with statistics like this. 

That being said, you bring up great points about financial stability, it would be pretty difficult to dive into having children without savings or owning a home. Best of luck to you both 🙂 

Post # 6
Member
3371 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

My husband is eleven years older than me and we had our first child together in his mid-forties.  We have a healthy, gorgeous son and are planning our next addition!  We talked a great deal about having children and one of his biggest concerns was his age at various stages of the children’s lives and his ability to participate.  Now that he is a father, I think most of his concerns pale in the light of actually being a dad.  If he’d had a choice, though, he would have chosen to become a father earlier in his life. 

Post # 7
Member
2623 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

A lot of it will depend on your man, never mind stats and other peoples stories.

My friend just turned 40 (male) his wife is 32 and he is in very, very good shape (personal trainer) In fact he is in better shape than he was at 25.  Their first kid is due in November

and I work with another 40 year male who just had his first kid. He is a nice guy, but does nothing to take care of his health. A little overweight, no exercise. Mediocre diet from what I can tell. He is going to have a tougher time of it than my friend.

Post # 8
Member
3371 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

@ThreeMeers:  I have to disagree with your statement.  My husband struggles with his weight, but there is more to parenting than how physically fit you are, without talking about extremes where someone isn’t able to play with their child due to weight.  I think the more important issues are emotional health (maturity), financial ability to provide, and motivation to be involved in the child’s life.  I’m sure I’m taking it a bit personally, but if my husband had believed he shouldn’t have a child because of his weight struggles, we’d be missing out on the joy we’re sharing right now.  My husband, who could be the second man you described, is out playing, swimming, kicking soccer balls, and chasing our son without a problem.  For perspective, he’s dealt with weight issues since his twenties.  It doesn’t hinder his parenting or ability to have a healthy child.

Post # 9
Member
2702 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

DH’s uncle was 46 and 48 when his kids were born. He is definitely not in the best shape or health. His one son is autistic so he needs the extra energy to care for him. I see him struggle all the time. I know for a fact he would have wanted to have kids earlier in life.

Post # 11
Member
1853 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@lovejewel:  Sounds like you know the answer: “I am not ready for a child mentally at this point”

Right now you know it wouldn’t work very well, but the future could bring anything, including some amazing things! If you’re worried about your child’s age as you two grow older, have you considered adopting a toddler when you’re ready? It would also potentially eliminate the health concerns… I know it’s not for everyone, but just an idea 🙂 

Post # 12
Member
3371 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

@lovejewel:  Thank you so much!  I was worried that I killed your thread with my reaction.  I think you should seek specific info about the health risks from a few different sources (eta: meaning, seek an OB/GYN’s advice and not rely on a stranger’s thoughts, including mine. I didn’t think it neccessary to say that to you when I first wrote this, as I trust you’re smart enough to do that on your own!)  I’ll be close to or at 37 when my next child is born and obviously he’s older; our first child is healthy and happy and we have no history of birth defects in our families.  I had a hospital birth with our first and when we spoke with a midwife preparing for the next, she laughed when I asked if I needed to be worried b/c of my age.  Personally, I wouldn’t be truly concerned unless you were into your forties, although, if it takes longer than 6 month to get pregnant, you should consult a specialist.  It’s always scary to ponder the risks.  You two will figure out the right balance for your family! 

Post # 13
Member
9920 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

My uncle is older..at LEAST in his 40s…maybe in his 50s even!!  I don’t know but he’s my mom’s next to youngest brother…so he is 16 years younger than she is.  DAMN YOU MATH.  Okay he is like 48.  He and his wife (who is 35) just had their first baby in March.  

 

Hahahaha I think they’ll be fine.  The kid is super cute!!!

Post # 14
Member
1853 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@jjmomma:  With all due respect to you and your midwife, these statistics are very solid and have been known about for over 50 years. I would happily provide dozens of scholarly peer-reviewed articles to back up my information. Again, while these risks are still relatively small, please don’t dismiss well-intentioned well-backed advice because you have anecdotal evidence that something wasn’t true in your case. 

OP, please do conduct some of your own research if you’re up for it. You deserve to be informed instead of being told “don’t worry about it.” 

Post # 15
Member
3371 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

@Taeyers:  Oh, trust me, I am not suggesting that anyone dismiss well-documented medical information.  I clearly suggested that she consult a doctor for information, in fact.  I provided my personal story as just that, a story offered to add to all things considered, not as evidence of any kind.  I’ve had three children following the advice of doctors and have only recently spoken with a midwife (who is also a nurse).  I think your impression of my perspective is flawed.  My point is that she is still young and from what I understood will be younger than or at 35 when she is ready to have a child.  Barring any fertility issues (which I also suggested she seek help for) she will be conceiving well before concern for the health of her eggs is neccessary.

My replies have contained much more than just “don’t worry about it.”

Post # 16
Member
7772 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

My stepdad was in his 50s before he had kids.  No problems!

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