First time dating since marriage ended..

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
1990 posts
Buzzing bee

I haven’t dated online, but I’d say that online dating gives people an easy way to play games of cat and mouse. The rules haven’t changed – don’t put up with someone being rude, or playing games.

That said, don’t go crazy stalking his activity. That’s another thing the internet makes way too easy! He’s still got a life and things he’s doing. Give him some time to reply, and let it unfold 🙂

If he likes you, he will respond! If not, he doesn’t – and that’s okay. Don’t sweat it, respect it, and move on.

Post # 3
Member
3704 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

chubbypanda:  Hard to tell. Online dating is weird because a lot of times people will drop off the face of the earth and then reappear randomly with messages. It is possible he was just being polite and didn’t actually want to go on another date, or he could have just missed your message. I know that I went out with several guys in a short period of time and told them I would go on second dates (and I would have), but then had to retract that when I met my FI and shut the whole thing down within days of meeting and choosing him. 

Post # 4
Member
736 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

chubbypanda:  ugh, dating sucks. Being out of the dating scene for a while is awkward too.

My suggestion would be to meet people casually (not hooking up or getting too entangled either). Just meet some people, make some friends, have fun and be active. I think you’ll find with this approach, the “right” person will just stick. 

To add to that, honestly, I don’t think you should want to get on the bandwagon in terms of finding someone serious and settling down right away. After six months, you’re not going to be emotionally ready, and that can lead to some bigtime mistakes (trust me on this one, I speak from experience here). Just go out, have fun, and enjoy your “you” time. It can be pretty awesome to be independent, without a man.

Post # 5
Member
1032 posts
Bumble bee

Online dating is great but awful at the same time. It’s easy to meet a ton of people. Hard to commit to just one. Easy to snoop when they’re online or not. Since you’re newly single I’d just keep my options open and ignore him. he will find you if he wants to. Go on other dates and enjoy yourself. 

Post # 6
Member
80 posts
Worker bee

This is unfortuntely pretty common. I found a lot of guys would say they had a good time and agreed to go out again just to be nice. Bottom line, if a guy is interested, he’s going to be texting/calling you and wanting to see you. If he’s not, it just wasn’t there. Try not to take it personally and move along to the next! You have to go in with no expectations and just have fun and be casual. Most dates will be fun but won’t lead anywhere, that’s just the way it is. Enjoy the process, relax, and have fun! 

Post # 8
Member
126 posts
Blushing bee

I did the online dating thing for almost a year. Very intensely. My advice: definitely don’t text/call/exchange emails for more than two or three days, if that. See if their style of planning a date is compatible and move forward from there. Each date doesn’t have to be dinner and a movie, either! You can meet up for coffee. Then see if it’s worth moving on from there. Or meet at a museum or a fair. A place that doesn’t set up such huge ‘let’s get to know each other’ expectations.

There aren’t any rules. All there is is knowing what you want. If a guy isn’t replying after you said you’d be happy to go out again– oh well, nothing is lost. Better to know now than later. Believe me, you will do it too! I hated having to let someone down after a couple of dates. But it was best for both of us.

That said, sounds like your relationship just ended and you should give yourself time to mourn and take care of yourself as a newly independent person. There really, really is no rush. Online dating will be waiting for you when you’re ready.

Post # 9
Member
3704 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

07pswilliams:  I agree with this approach. I only talked to guys for a couple days before meeting them (in a very public place). I think OP is right about building up an expectation when you are talking to someone for so long before meeting them. I like the idea of meeting up for coffee or a drink and extending the date if you’re having a good time. There is no set time frame and it is easy to just peace out if it’s not working, rather than having to sit through a whole dinner or show with someone you clearly aren’t connecting with. 

Post # 10
Member
9 posts
Newbee

I say don’t give up, even if this first date doesn’t lead to the second one! I met my husband online  (okcupid and eharmony — we were matched on both sites for compatibility and hmm..married within 9 months of our first day of meeting face to face!) and it was kind of weird on our first date because we met up only within a day of messaging each other online. I agreed that the more time you spent texting each other online/without in person meeting, the likely you are to build up emotions towards him (which may or may not materialize in in person meeting).

Before I met my husband, I have met and dated a few guys online and I would recommend meeting in person as soon as you can (so you can either move on if there’s no chemistry/compatibility or know whether this person is a good potential). The one thing I’d recommend though is to make sure that you are meeting a legit person (for me, I look for a person who writes well, seems logical and doesn’t sound like a weirdo). I’d highly recommend just a coffee chat first then if you really bond, you can go for lunch/dinner after the coffee. Whatever you do, make sure it’s at a public place!

Best of luck! It might be hard and some times self depreciating dating online (because I find so many people have way too high or unrealistic expectations of the qualities they want in a partner). But I think,…once you met the right person, everything will seem worth the time waiting/screening for the right person! 🙂

  • This reply was modified 2 years ago by  whitemusk.
Post # 11
Member
6614 posts
Bee Keeper

It sounds like maybe he’s not interested although theoretically there could be logistical reasons why he hasn’t contacted you. Regardless, don’t give up on online dating or dating in general! The unsuccessful dates are just experiences to learn from and maybe to laugh about in retrospect. 

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