First time moving out and living with someone

posted 3 years ago in Home
Post # 3
Member
132 posts
Blushing bee

It is a big adjustment, living with someone for the first time, so give it a chance and give it some time. My now husband and I lived together for a little over a year before we got engaged (a pre engagement test lol) it’s different, but in a good way, and it’s not like you’re in jail, you will still see your family frequently. It will be your house, everything in it will be yours, not someone else’s, so hopefully you will feel more comfortable in it. You won’t be too far from family  so you will still see your family and can talk on the phone every day.

Post # 4
Member
980 posts
Busy bee

@Lizzy723:  Wow! You sound so much like me! My SO has a house but I’ve never lived away from home and had serious anxiety issues as a kid. I’m very nervous about moving out/in with my SO. I don’t really have any advice but I am definitely moving in before the wedding/before we get engaged. (I’m a waiting bee). I think the best thing is to just take things slowly and make sure you have YOUR stuff and YOUR places in the home. 

Post # 5
Member
545 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@Lizzy723:  It is totally normal to feel this way about any transition in life. Try to focus on what’s good about being on you’re own, but do acknowledge what you feel you need in terms of visits with your parents. You’ll want to work to strike a balance of feeling connected with them while still gaining independence and deepening your relationship with your FI. The thing about a move away from any family or friends, whether its 5 miles or 500 miles, is that your relationship becomes a bit more effortful. Instead of counting on seeing them after work every day, you just have to make some plans! All you need to do is schedule weekly visits, phonecalls, or running errands together and stick to it. And you can be thankful that if anything comes up, they are just around the corner. 

I moved over 1000 miles away from my parents when I was 22 and it actually improved our relationship in that we grew to appreciate one another, cherish time together, and my parents viewed me more as woman rather than a little girl. I think you have a lot to look forward too!

Post # 6
Member
3420 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

@jnov12:  +1

I have been living with my SO for a year (also a pre-engagement test!) we will be getting engaged next year (hopefully June!). Moving away from my parents was hard, but I did live in dorms for two years before that. Even so, I felt horrible leaving my mother alone with my dad and brothers. It is a big adjustment but the freedom you will gain from this will help you grow as a person! It also allows you to make more of your own choices!

The good thing is you will be close to your family so you all can visit eachother easily! Like I said, the independence you get from living on your own is amazing and not something you should take for granted. Your family will always love you and be there for you, but you will be a married woman soon and they will respect the life you are building with your future husband

Do you work or are you still in school?

Post # 7
Member
292 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

@jnov12:  I think I may be in the minority :/ I was so happy to get out of my house… and I had a great relationship with my parents. Once I hit 18 though, I needed breathing room and my then-BF and I moved in together. 3 years later, I can barely stand sleeping over at my parents for a night or two. I have my own life now, and my parents and I are very different people.

Post # 8
Member
6525 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

@Lizzy723:  I can’t say that I know what you are going through because I was the opposite, I couldn’t wait to move out of my house. 

DH and I have been together for 10 years. and we only moved in together about 9 months ago. Reason being is that the cost of living where I am is extremely expensive, so we waited until we both had full time jobs, stable income before moving out and we wanted to be engaged. We got engaged in 2011. 

I don’t have the best relationship with my mother, so living with her was extremely difficult. It also didn’t help that my aunt who I don’t speak to lived downstairs and her sons (my cousins, who I also don’t speak to) we always there and were extremely obnoxious. (My mom lives in a 2 family house). I have good reason not to talk to them, too long to explain. 

What I can relate to you with is the fact that I never lived on my own. I never lived with a roommate or a friend, I lived at home until this past January. So I was scared moving in with DH. I was like what if we break up? what if he can’t stand living with me? What kind of arguments are we going to get into? 

Its all new, and a very big step in our relationship. Sure we have gone on vacations together, and slept over eachothers houses for days at a time but its not the same because our parens were there. 

But what I can tell you, him being my best friend made it easier. When we started living together and getting into a routine, I look back now and I felt silly for being so scared. We have gotten into the occassional arguments over dishes, and why can’t you put your bag of chips away when you are done snacking lol but its fun living with him. 

And like you said, you are only 5 miles from your parents, so you can visit anytime!

Hopefully you won’t be as homesick bc you will have FI to cheer you up and make you forget your woes

Post # 11
Member
3420 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

@Lizzy723: You’re going to be so happy in your new place 🙂 

Post # 13
Member
559 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

Nobody has mentioned how every little thing is going to annoy you. It doesn’t mean you aren’t right for each other,it means youre different. I think having a roommate can be stressful and if youre in an intimate relationship with that person its almost more…sensitive of a subject.

Example:My fiance gets bothered that I leave the fridge open until I’m finished making my sandwich/chopping vegetables. I hate that he runs his shower while he sits on the toilet for ten minutes. And then he doesn’t replace the toilet paper roll or will turn it around BC I “put it on the wrong way”.lol. I like to clean the dishes right after I use them BC I hate having a sink full. What does he like? To throw it in the sink and go! We no longer have sheets on the bed BC he says they feel”heavy” and conform to his body and “trap him”…what!? Lol!

Realize that you have only lived with your parents and your family and you all have a way of doing things that may be different from his. I had had roommates in college and one on my own and it was still a little frustrating to move in with my fiance. You’re going to compromise on a lot of little,seemingly stupid,thongs.But that’s just my experience:) Good luck to you,lady! And congrats!

Post # 14
Member
150 posts
Blushing bee

@Lizzy723:  I had anxiety leaving my parents when I was younger. I finally had to get over that when I went to college…I definitely cried the first night. However, after the first couple weekends, I met so many new friends and learned how to be independent. Now, I cannot wait to move out of my parents house! (I’m 23, graduated this past May)

I totally get that feeling. At least you’re only 5 miles away, so if you’re feeling down you can spend some time at home. You can always call your Mom and Dad to say goodnight!

I’m sure you will adjust quickly once you and your FI have your own space and privacy 🙂 good luck!

Post # 15
Member
1044 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

I  moved in with my FI about 4-5 months ago after us being together for 5 years. The transition has been SO easy. I was so worried I would miss my family, get lonely, or that we would have stupid fights. But it has seriously been awesome!

You can still talk to your mom and dad everyday, and now you can have them over your place too! Just keep yourself busy, and spend time working on your new place.That will keep your spirits up. Also, try to let things go, and just accept that everyone does things in a different way.  Thinking like that will help you avoid those stupid fights that some people have when they move in together.

I don’t know if you celebrate Christmas, but maybe you guys could make buying and putting up your decorations extra special! You both are truly creating family traditions and memories now, so make them good 🙂

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