- 4 years ago
- Wedding: August 2010
Bees, I just want get this off my chest. My FI and I are not TTC yet, and probably won’t be for another year or so. I’m ok with that at this point. Yes, I have baby fever, but I realize that now isn’t the right time.
I came off birth control 5 or so months ago, and after a couple of loooong cycles my body has regulated again, and my last 3 cycles were 29 days each. Very happy about that.
My last cycle went back to being a bit wonky. I ended up being 5 days late, and spent those days in a state of limbo, both hoping that somehow a condom had failed and I was pregnant, and scared at the same time. On the 5th day I went out and bought a FRER because I couldn’t handle the waiting game anymore, and it was negative. A bit of relief, but mostly I found that I was sad and disappointed. So silly, because I KNOW we aren’t quite ready yet, but a part of me really wanted that surprise!
FI was great the whole time and said that if we were pregnant, it was absolutely meant to be and he would be thrilled. And then when I found out I wasn’t, he just hugged me and said that we’ll have our time. I ended up getting my damn period later that day.
In our 7 years together I’ve never had a pregnancy scare that lasted more than a couple of days, so no need to ever POAS before now. There is a part of me that is dreading TTC because I can’t fathom the idea of getting negative test results month after month, and I know that it’s a very real possibility. I’m sure it can do a number on your mental state!
Sorry that got so long. I just needed a little vent!