- 6 years ago
Good morning, bees! I’m just home from a trip to Massachusetts over the weekend with my Fiance to visit his family for an early Christmas (he has to work on both Christmas and New Year’s this year ) and still marveling at how AMAZING the visit was.
Like many, my relationship with my FI’s parents/family started off a little rocky. My Fiance is a mama’s boy to the extreme being that his aunt (single with no children) also had a huge hand in raising him and thus is like a second mother to him. When I came into the picture 4.5 years ago as his first girlfriend, I knew there might be some difficulty in getting them to accept/like me. We lived in the same dorm our freshman and sophomore years of college, so his parents knew my mom almost better than they knew me and his mom got a VERY negative impression from this. My mom is… flighty and irresponsible, to put it nicely. She doesn’t make great first impressions, and his mom basically judged me (at first) by the way she perceived my mother.
So, combination bad impression + you’re taking my baby away = not a very welcoming environment. Just over two years into our relationship, his father passed away VERY suddenly of a heart attack. It was awful, and I will always regret and lament not being able to have a relationship with him because there is so much of him in my Fiance and I *know* we would have gotten along very well. I dropped everything to travel home with him to be by his side while he laid his father to rest — something I think made a very big impression on his family (most of whom I met for the very first time then).
But I still got an overwhelming sense that his mom didn’t like me. That year was hard on everyone – I was hospitalized just a month after his dad died for blood clots in my lungs, and when I came for New Year’s to visit his family his mom had a few very not nice things to say to me and about me (I overheard an argument they had one night when they thought I was asleep). I was pretty convinced that she would never like me and that it would never work because after growing up in broken homes with nothing but hate and dislike, I refuse to bring my children up in a similar environment.
Over the past year, though, things have changed. We got engaged in March and I knew his mom was a bit wary about the idea, but she began to really warm to me at his college graduation two months later. This past September, we made a trip to see them for her birthday and it was absolutely wonderful. And then over this past weekend, not only did I feel accepted and welcomed – I felt like a real part of their family. It means so much to me because I want to be a part of the kind of family he has, one that is together and cohesive and takes care of each other.
This weekend was the first time I felt 100% accepted, welcomed and loved by his family and it pretty much affirms EVERYTHING for me.
Has anyone else had relationships with their inlaws/future inlaws that required a lot of time + effort to develop? When did you finally know? And for those who’ve always had great relations, also a huge congrats!