Post # 1
I’m going to be scheduling a visit to the gynecologist in the next few weeks. My fiance and I are getting married in June and I just want to make sure everything’s “good to go.” (Oh my, that sounds strange.) I visited a gynecologist 5 years ago and had a horrible experience. I was supposed to have a pap smear (though still a virgin) for a small part of a mandatory physical – work related. Basically, it was incredibly painful and they weren’t able to complete the physicial. I am and will be a virgin until our wedding night. Do any of you have any suggestions of things to expect? Things to ask or not ask?
Post # 3
@missbee15: it’s going to hurt… not becuase you’re a virgin but becuase they are scraping your cervix. It hurts!!! Just try and relax.. deep breaths! Also, if you’re on track to have your period for your wedding, perhaps consider birth control so you can push your period off.
Post # 4
@missbee15: Hi and welcome!
I would tell your new gynecologist what happened to you the last time, that you’re still a virgin, request the instruments to be warmed (they can run them under warm water, that’s what my doctor does) and him/her to be extra gentle with you.
Whatever you can do to relax ahead of time, do. Remember to breathe deeply and relax. For some reason I always wiggle my fingers and toes, I don’t know why it helps, but it does. 🙂
It’s not fun for anyone, trust me, even after you’re no longer a virgin, but it is bearable and over relatively quickly. It will get easier with each future visit, too.
HUGS to you and I hope all goes well for you!!
Post # 5
The more tense you are, the more it may hurt. If you are looking to get on birth control of some sort, do your research before hand and make a list of questions you may have. That way you get all the information you can out of your appointment.
Post # 6
Its not a fun experience, but its a worthwhile one. Not just for things like testing for STD’s, but also for checking to make sure everthing is normal for you developmentally.
The only suggest I can give you is maybe bring a stress ball and squeeze it so you can relax your vaginal muscles more. If you are too tight down there it will be harder for them to do their job and possibly more painful.
BE sure to read reviews before going to a gyno. They are not all created equally.
And tell them this is your first real experience and the last one was a bad experience. Ask that they explain what they are doing and why. You dont want to be left in the dark.
Post # 7
- Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort
I went to the gynocologist plenty of times while I was a virgin and never had a problem. I’m sorry your first experience was so bad because you really should’ve been going more often since then and I guess you haven’t because of that experience. You should expect that they will do a physical exam, but you can be honest with your gynocologist about your previous experience. He/she can use a smaller speculum. Just try to breath calmly in through the nose and out through the mouth with pursed lips, not to squeeze your fists or create any tension in your body like that, and to focus on the nice picture of the beach that will probably be on the ceiling above you.
Post # 8
- Wedding: June 2017 - Vegas Wedings
@Sunfire: What she said! They have different sized speculums and you need the ones for virgins or women who are smaller down there. Make sure to say you need the small ones!!! A friend of mine had a terrible first experience because they assumed she was having sex with her boyfriend of 3 year (now husband) when she in fact was a virgin. They apologized but she ended crying and it hurt and was embaressing…. it was bad.
It shouldnt hurt (unless they are terrible at their job) but it will be uncomfortable. If you relax it honestly wont be so bad.
Wiki says “Getting a pap smear should not cause pain, unless […] the person performing it is too harsh, or uses the wrong size speculum. The patient should speak up if they are in pain.”
Post # 9
Agreed – make sure you ask for the smaller ones, and explain your previous experience. While it kinda sucks, it definitely doesn’t hurt, it’s just more uncomfortable. It’s over pretty quickly though, and as PPs said, it’s really important that you’re going consistently!
Post # 10
I don’t have any other advice. Just wanted to wish you luck and remind you that it will only be a few short moments of your life that are very worthwhile.
Post # 11
Whoa! Funny that you should post this – I just had my first OBGYN appt today! I’m also a virgin waiting for marriage (in April!) and it was pretty nerve wracking. I was breaking out in sweat during the procedure! But honestly, it wasn’t bad at all. I chose a doctor with 30+ years of experience, and I barely felt a thing. I told her that, and she said, “It’s because I’m that good!”. So your doctor’s level of experience may be a factor.
You will feel some pressure, slight cramping/discomfort when they do the pap smear. I was pretty tense throughout, so that might have contributed to the discomfort. Good news is that I’m completely healthy, and I don’t have to get another pap smear for another 3 years! 🙂
Post # 12
If it’s your first visit, your doctor should do a consultation with you before you actually enter the examining room. That’s your time to tell him/her that you’re a virgin, preparing for marriage, with little to no sexual experience. Your doctor should then know to go through the exam slowly and many will explain what they are doing every step of the way.
I’m also a virgin, and when I had my first gyno appointment, the doctor was very sweet and tried to make me feel comfortable throughout the whole process. I didn’t feel pain – but I did feel pressure during the exam, and the pap smear was a bit “pokey” but only for a few seconds. Ask for a smaller sized speculum and just emphasize that this is your first time.
Hope it goes well for you! 🙂
Post # 13
I agree with PP, explain your past experience and your concerns. also, for your own sanity, (and this may sound weird), but be it a gyno visit or wax, I always imagine myself explaining it and laughing with my girlfriends over cocktails, and somehow it doesn’t seem so terrible in the moment.
Post # 14
I know this might sound silly, but do you plan on getting on birth control or on ‘not trying to conceive” right away? If that’s the case, you may want to ask your OBGYN what he/she thinks about you getting on birth control (it sometimes takes a week or so to work, and adjustment period can be crazy or really tame, depending).
But if you’re not planning on using birth control (pill or IUD or anything else you’d need help from a doctor for) then I think all the other helpful Bees answered your questions. Yes, it’s a bit uncomfortable. I’ve gotten 3 done, I believe, maybe 4. (My grandma has cervical cancer, and there is a lot of cancer on one side of my family, so even though I’m young I am sure to stay on top of everything).
But tell your OBGYN that you’re nervous and He/She should (if they’re good) talk to you and have a bit of a conversation on what to expect, and hopefully that will make you more comfortable.
And know that what you’re doing is for your health, and your future’s health, and (if you plan on it) your future children’s health!
Post # 15
I have never, ever had any pain at the gynecologist so don’t assume its going to hurt. Just try to relax, tell the dr. Its your first time and try to relax by taking deep breaths. You will be fine.