(Closed) First wedding related fight :(

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1192 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

@MsPanda: Maybe try and get some quotes for those things HE wants and show him how much on peper. Also remind him it’s more YOUR day then it is HIS day… yes it is for the both of you but the bride has been dreaming about her wedding since she was little.. the groom just has to show up….

Post # 5
Member
1577 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Boooo.  You need to nip this in the bud NOW.  If he’s not going to do any work… ie. research, calling venues for prices, etc.. then he can’t veto.  He needs to know how much things cost so that he can get his head out of the clouds and get real.  Did he have any reasons for wanting a church wedding? 

Our date isn’t till Oct 2012, but I made a timeline pretty soon after we got engaged that outlined the tasks we need to accomplish each month with his tasks bolded, mine normal and the things we need to do together italicized.  I even bought HIM a binder and gave him this timeline.  LoL.  Sounds crazy, but it’s working so far.  I made sure that no one gets only the “fun” tasks… I did try to give him the things that mattered more to him though.. and vice versa.  He’s actually ahead of schedule with the things I gave him to do.  :o)

Post # 6
Member
1398 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I think a compromise would be to have that churchs minister officiate at the outdoor ceremony. I would definately show him how much this is going to cost if it is done his way. Maybe the dollar signs will wake him up.

Post # 7
Member
5118 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@MsFoxxy: I like this plan of setting dates on when to discuss things. If one person has done their research and the other hasn’t, well then they had their chance and have shown they don’t care enough about that decision so they don’t get veto power. 

@MsPanda: I agree with the PPs, get him to knock this off early. Mr.ND was very much the same way at first- not wanting to do any research, just wanting the idea of this or that or the other thing. For example, I really liked one style of BM dresses, but he wasn’t fond of them…but couldn’t articulate why. I told him that unless his criticism was constructive and that he was offering alternatives and also reasons for why he didn’t like something, he didn’t get to say a word.

I finally told him that I would show him my 2 choices, and if he didn’t like one or either of them, he didn’t get to choose unless he had an equally researched alternative, and even then it wasn’t his unilateral decision to make, it was just one more option on the table to discuss. Our rule is that you get as much out of it as you’re putting into it, so the one doing the legwork gets more say.

Post # 8
Member
1577 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@indibee:  Nice handling of the dress situation.  Mr. Foxxy & I discussed and chose the shade of purple for the dresses together, but that’s it.  Me & my girls are choosing from here and he’s cool with it. I am, however.. letting him pick my dress for our at home reception as a compromise since he will have no input on my ceremony/DW dress.  Should be interesting, to say the least.. LoL.

It seems that a lot of guys have the issue of saying that they don’t like something but having no reason whatsoever… it irks my last nerve!  Mr. Foxxy does that all the time.. with a lot of stuff.. and I’m like “OMG.. there has to be a reason you don’t like it!  You can’t just not like something.. with no reasoning!!!”  LoL.. drives me up the freakin wall.  I’m a very logical person though… I’m very emotional, but my emotions always have reasons!  :o)

Post # 10
Member
1577 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Ahhh.. the parental units.  LoL.  One of my best friends got married this past Sept and her now-hubby’s mom was upset because they weren’t using a church.  I really don’t get it.  I’m a Christian myself, but even the Bible says that the physical church is just a building… real church is where ever people gather in His name.  So what difference does it really make? 

And after reading your comment about his mom wanting to pick out your dress without YOU.. yeah, his mom is just bonkers.  I would pretty much discredit anything she says regarding the wedding, LoL.  That doesn’t even make sense.  Didn’t she have her own wedding?  Did her future mother-in-law pick out her dress??? 

Wow… I’m sorry you’re having to deal with all of this babes.  Vent all you want.  That’s what we’re here for.  :o)

OH.. and just so you know, I also subscribe to the “no pay, no say” train of thought.  Not that I don’t take suggestions… but at the end of the day…

Post # 12
Member
5118 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@MsPanda: Oh dear, she sounds like a whack-a-doo. I’m praying that Aug 2012 comes quickly for you, or that her phone and internet breaks until then 🙂

Post # 14
Member
1577 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

300???  OMG.  And that’s just for their side, right?  Yeah, that’s insane.  My heart goes out to you, sweetie.  My FI has a huge family too… and a lot of them tend to just “show up” for stuff without being invited.  So I’m already worried about how that’s all gonna pan out.  But seriously 300 is ridiculous.. that’s like 3x the number it’s supposed to be.  You should hand her list to your FI and tell him to start crossing off ppl he hasn’t seen in 10 yrs..

Post # 16
Member
1192 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

@MsPanda: I dont agree that he should be picking the bridesmaids dresses and all the fun stuff… I think you should choose the dresses and maybe run it by him but when it comes to the fun things that needs to be discussed together not just him.

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