Post # 1
Apologizing in advance for the long rant but have no one else to talk with. My Fiance and I will have been together 4 years next month. We’ve been engaged about a year now. He was married once before in a courthouse. Ive never been married. We have to pay for our own wedding so I said we should get married in a courthouse. He said he wanted a big wedding and he knew I wanted the same (which was true). Now Ive been planning since Sept ’11 for our Sept ’12 wedding. Hes always asking how much did this cost how much was that? I told him to stop asking and he did. But every time I mention something about the wedding he gets this frustrated look about him and just nods and okays (like just to shut me up). Ive asked him for 2 mos to get his guys together for their tux fittings and that hasnt happened yet. Ive asked him for to get the addresses of his family members so I can have them for the Save-The-Date Cards and invitations. Havent gotten anything yet and I have been asking for that since January! Im not gonna have some half done, ghetto, or whatever will happen will happen weddding and reception. Thats not the kind of person I am. Its like he wants to be married OR AT LEAST play house, but now wants to do without the wedding celebration. Im financially and emotionally way too invested into this wedding for us to pull out now.
Then there was yesterday. We were sitting on the couch and he called his cousin. After talking for a few minutes he gets up and walks to the bedroom. I overhear him saying “hold on I didnt want her to hear, but I was wondering if….” I dont know what came after that. Then last night when he got home from his cousins, hes here for 15 minutes, gets another phone call (hes in the front and Im in the back of the apt). He goes outside and goes and stays on the street to talk for the next 40 minutes. He was talking with one of his groomsmen. Let me say this first ladies HE IS NOT CHEATING. I KNOW THAT FOR A FACT. But what are you doing that you have to talk outside and have secret convresations? Are you talking about me behind my back?
What should I do? Should I say anything? I know one thing I will do is stop doing “the do” until he gets his guys to the tux rental store. Am I wrong for that? What do I do? We have walked around since 9pm last night and havent said a word to each other. And that is not cool or healthy. ADVICE???
Post # 3
Ask him why he went out in the street to talk on the phone…that is odd behaviour and deserves an explanation.
Post # 4
You guys need to talk. You should each lay out all of your concerns/questions and be honest. It is strange behavior. He should be talking to you if he has concerns.
Post # 5
If he’s talking to people that will apart of/at the wedding, I would assume it is a surprise having to do with the event.
Post # 6
I agree, very odd behavior. I’d ask him about the walking outside to talk. It could be guy stuff tho.
My Fiance is HORRIBLE at doing ANYTHING for the wedding.
Just yesterday, I went from calm and discussing an issue, to angry and yelling, because he was trying to mention the cost of the engagment photos, but called it, that expensive groupon thing you made me get.
But in the end, he appolized and made it all better.
His part of the guest list, it was like pulling teeth. I could be a dentist now.
Next dentist session will be getting him to pick the music for the wedding. Which he agreed to do, but just hasn’t gotten done!
Post # 7
if he’s marrying you, you get to know what’s going on in these random phone calls. now I’m curious! unless it’s some fun surprise for you or work-related confidentiality, I don’t see why he needs to go outside…
Post # 8
When I first started reading your post I had to double check and make sure I didn’t write it in the middle of the night or something, lol! My Fiance has been absolutely horrible with helping me do anything for the wedding. Our wedding is 3 months away and he just now asked his family when they are flying in (which I asked him to do back on Spetember) and I am also waiting on addresses among other things. Anyway, I think he may just be venting or letting off steam. Fiance and I have both acknowledge that our relationship has been very tense and will continue to be very tense until the wedding (aka stress) is behind us. If I were you I would staright out ask him why he had to go outside to have the conversation and ask him if there is anything he needs to get off of his chest. I have noticed that even though my Fiance may not doing much his stress level builds as mine does and sometimes we just need to vent to each other about each other and 5 minutes later we are fine.
Post # 9
Maybe it was his bachelor party? It sounds like you need to have an honest, sit-down conversation. And I would definitely bring up the strange phone conversation behavior while you’re at it! It seems like you’re putting in a ton of work for the wedding and he’s being a slacker 🙁 I’m sorry!
Post # 10
Maybe he needed to vent or get guy advice? Maybe he is planning a surprise or something special for a honeymoon? Either way, if you’re bothered by it, say something. You won’t find out the truth without asking for it.
Post # 11
Thanks ladies. We did talk,I forced the issue and after a while we got everything on the table. It was weird. He thought I was cheating on him (he walked in on a phone call as I was hanging up and thought he overheard some things he didnt). He accused me of not caring about his son and of not supporting him. I mean, soooo many things came out. But we talked, I cried, we recommitted to lots of things. He said he is making an appointment for us to go to couples counseling, which is cool withme. Im just glad its resolved, because he said he was ready to walk away–he was cheated on before so I get that. Thank you ladies for listening and for your advice.
Post # 12
@FutureMrsEAG: maybe they’re talking about the bachelor party?
and maybe he wanted a big wedding for you, but as a man he had no idea what the entailed
I say talk about it, the wedding is for both of you but naturally as the bride you are going to be bogged down with the details of the planning
From a guys POV, it is way too early to start measuring for tux’s –they don’t know how far in advance you have to plan weddings
Talk to him about it-go over your to do list and show him what his responsibilities are
Post # 13
i hate the whole “silent treatment” things “/