(Closed) Fi's Aunt upset at no babies ceremony *sigh*

posted 5 years ago in Ceremony
Post # 3
Member
2295 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Are you having a babysitter in that other room? Or is it for parents to sit with their kids?

Post # 4
Member
246 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

It’s your wedding. Let her pout about it. In all honesty, you don’t want a crying baby at your wedding. It’s easily the most irritating thing that can happen, because there’s NOTHING you can do about it either than what you’ve done; state they’re not welcome.

She’s just looking for somehting to be offended about or to not attend. You made it clear there would be care for the child and that the baby was welcome during the whole day, and would be someplace else for the short ceremony. Let her pout about it and don’t let it bring you down. 

Post # 5
Member
1748 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Ha. You’re being far kinder than we are. The youngest person at our wedding are our flower girl and ring bearer (7 and 4, respectively), and the next youngest is 20. We’re having no kids, period and I think my sister is handing off her kids (the ring bearer and flower girl) to her inlaws after the ceremony so she can enjoy herself at the reception. We haven’t had anyone really say anything about it- his grandmother was taken back, but I just stated what we’re doing and left it as is. Most of our friends want to be able to go out and have fun and not worry about their children. I just hope people understand that when an invite is addressed to the couple and the couple only, that they can’t just bring their kids.

I have a cousin who did the “__x__ seats are reserved for your party” on the rsvp card. Some think that’s bad etiquette, but I’ve considered doing it.

Don’t feel bad for your decision, you’re offering services for people to be able to bring their kids, which is very nice of you. If anyone asks I’d just say, “we have friends and family with a lot of little ones and we decided we needed to invite all kids or no kids, and due to expenses we made the decision for it to be an adult-only affair”.

Post # 6
Member
3591 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

@Asia:  You decided to have a 5+ ceremony.  That’s your perogative.  She feels she cannot come without her daughter, that’s hers. Sounds like she was relatively reasonable to be honest, she was upset (of course she’s going to take it personally, she’s flesh and blood) but she declined the invite instead of saying “well, I’m coming anyway”

Post # 7
Member
3825 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@Asia:  We’re having an adult only ceremony and reception. Whoever doesn’t like it, does not have to come. It’s our wedding. FI and I decided that no matter what we will not bed on this. People will get over it. But then again, I have lots of married friends with kids who see the wedding as an opportunity to ditch the kids and enjoy a date night so we’re not really running into any problems. There’s only one person who is trying to negotiate but we’re not bending. You must stand your ground. It’s your wedding.

Post # 8
Member
983 posts
Busy bee

Honestly, when you are up there in front of everyone, saying your vows and stuff, you won’t hear children or babies in the background. Focus should be on your FI, not your guests. If you are going to allow other children there, then you should allow all other children.  If it’s adult only, make it adult only.   It’s not fair so and so can bring a child, no matter the age, and the aunt can’t bring her child,  no matter the age. but that’s  just my opinion. I side with the aunt on this one.

Post # 13
Member
389 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I’d be upset if I was your fiance’s aunt. I also wouldn’t come.

I think you will each have to respect each others’ decisions.

Post # 14
Member
2702 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Asia:  If you don’t want childeren at your ceremony that’s fine.  It is your wedding.  Personally, I think 5 is a strange cut-off age (even 5-10 year olds can be figdety).  However, if you make that rule, you have to understand and accept that people will decline.  You are not a bad person for have no babies, but they are not bad people for not wanting to come without their baby.  I would also try and cut her a little slack.  I’m sure she understands your desire to have the wedding you want, but I’m sure it can be really hard to hear that your baby isn’t wanted/welcome.

I also doubt parents are going to be comfortable leaving their infants alone in a strange place for any amount of time.  Even if it’s just downstairs and you have a baby cam. =/  Parents will also most likely be not ok with leaving their babies with a stranger.

What about setting up a computer and streaming the ceremony so that parents could sit with their kids in another room but still see the ceremony?

Post # 15
Member
2295 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@Asia:  Okay, this comment shows sort of an out of touch perspective:

“Our ceremony should be around half an hour or so, so I wasn’t sure if it would be possible to forgo a babysitter for that amount of time (parents shower and sleep occasionally, right? O_O) and have children join in for the reception (which will last for the rest of the day, we have a 24 hour venue)”

Uhhhhhh, no!!! All the kids under 5 should be put in a room and parents should come to the ceremony? Bizarre.

As someone else said, it’s your choice to exclude children under 5, it’s her choice not to attend. Both are okay.

Post # 16
Member
182 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

I don’t care for babies attending ceremonies either, and as a parent I would never bring mine to one. It is your ceremony, you shouldn’t have to worry about crying babies.

However, also as a parent, I would never EVER leave a baby unattended in a seperate room with no supervision. That might have been her problem with the situation. If you are planning to have the babies in a room, you need someone up there with them. Period. I mean, what were you planning to do, just leave them alone in the room with some toys for an hour and a half? (that last sentence wasn’t meant to come off snarky, just an actual question, although in type it sounds that way, I’m sorry).

I can’t imagine any parent being upset if they knew someone was there to care for their child. I would just try talking to her again, make it clear the child IS welcome at the wedding in general, but there will be childcare provided for the ceremony. Just reinforce it isn’t personal, everyone with a child under 5 will be told the same thing. It kind of seems like she overreacted to me.

Good luck!

Editing to add I like the above idea where the ceremony is streaming on a computer or closed circut televison so the parents can sit with their children in the other room. Some might see this as being alienated though. I know a lot of church nurseries provide this option for services.
 

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