(Closed) FI's awful friend.

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
2587 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - UK

Maybe establish boundaries – you only meet up on Neutral ground, like in a restaurant, rather than going to each others’ homes.  That way it’s easier for you to leave when you need to!

Post # 4
Member
443 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@chronicwhimsy:  I agree.

My FI has a friend exactly like this – he drives me insane. I hate being around him, but at least FI understands my POV. Now we never really invite him over, but FI is more than welcome to go see him at his place or we meet out on neutral territory. If we do invite him over it’s only when I am not at home. 

Post # 5
Member
6015 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

I don’t know if the restaurant is a good idea.  They would want your FI to pick up the tab again.  How about a picnic or something where the kids are occupied and have something to do, that may take some of the stress off the parents.  IF they don’t invite you two over, maybe having them one night at your house … just that family and just enough food for dinner for you all.   FI picking up the tab for everyone to me sounds crazy.

Post # 6
Member
1200 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

Meet at a restaurant and bring a pre-purchased gift certificate.. Tell them you didn’t bring extra money. Immediately tell the waitress 2 checks. They can’t MAKE you pay.

 

My dh has a friend I really don’t care for.. I hate how he treats him… but he’s like crack … DH keeps going back to being his buddy.

Post # 7
Member
561 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Yeah, the boundaries are a good idea. Your FI needs some boundaries as well, though. His friend expects him to pay? Too bad. Don’t. At the beginning of the meal, you say “this will be two checks, please.”

Post # 8
Member
6256 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2014

I don’t really have any advice, but I did want to comment and tell you how mature and good-hearted it is for you to come in here and say “How can I tolerate these people” rather than “How can I turn FI against them/get them to not come around any more/alienate them.”

I lost a good friend recently because his FI felt threatened by our opposite gender (completely innocent) friendship, even though I had previously agreed to hang out with him only during the day and only in public because I knew she had big-time issues with trust and insecurity. It still wasn’t enough, and now he has been effectively “forbidden” to hang out with me.

I know it’s not the same situation, but I see women try and decide who their FI/husbands should be friends with (male or female) way more often than I think is appropriate, and I wanted to give you kudos for putting his needs above your own. I am sure he appreciates it.

Post # 9
Member
2247 posts
Buzzing bee

I don’t think this is an issue of the OP “forbidding” her FI from having a friend.  The guy is a rude-ass, douchebag.  I would never allow him in my home, nor would I want to be around him anywhere else.  I would tell FI that he needs to meet up with this friend on his own, when I’m not around, and not in my house.

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