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yikes.... i dont know about etiquette but i wouldnt want to be on the receiving end of a email (even if it is polite) telling me how my wedding date is inconvenent to you and you letting me know that a wedding 3 weeks after your wedding would work better for your schedule
considering this involves a couple that has their own timeplan and as their wedding seems very different to yours, i would just suck it up
these things happen, there are only so many weekends in a summer season so im guessing eventually there are crossovers with people, weddings and available dates
goodluck and i hope its not too stressful for you!
I think you did the wrong thing.
You get a day, not a week, not 3 weeks. If I got that email I would be livid.
I think you should have just sucked it up IMHO.
It's tough. I can see why it would bother you, especially if he's going to be asking your FI to be his best man. So not only is he going to be planning his own wedding, he'll have best man duties up until 2 weeks prior to his own wedding to be dealing with. Not great. Similarly, the best man is going to be doing the same thing in reverse. And assuming they aren't going on a honeymoon then he's still going to be a newlywed at the time of your wedding so that could trouble.
Personally I know what my FI would do if it were our situation. He'd turn around to his best man and tell him that we're fine with the wedding date that they've picked so long as he knows that he's expected to do his best man duties as he would normally and he wouldn't let it stress him out and therefore stress our wedding planning out. Also my FI would probably decline being his best man as he would know that he wouldn't be able to be both a groom with an upcoming wedding and a best man for a long stretch of time at the same time.
Sorry, that probably won't help you much. I'd talk to your FI and see how he feels. I also wouldn't hint in an e-mail about moving their date, I'd straight up ask if it were an option or if they have any special reason why they can't move the date, etc etc.
I second Elopings comments.
As long as it is not the same day or the day before, I do not believe it is fair to ask them to change their date. If your FI feels it will be too much, he is free to decline the Best Man position.
First of all venues can book up very quickly so that may have been a factor in their decision. Who knows why they picked the month they did - maybe they like the weather or the rain forecast or it has some other meaning to them.
I really don't think it will be a big deal. You may be busy 2 weeks before your wedding, but you have ample notice so you can get things done now and make room in your schedule for that weekend. And I doubt your FI's role in their wedding will be taking time away that he would be helping you plan, because honestly, most men leave the wedding planning to their bride anyway.
I'm a full time student (22-23 credit hours per semester) and I did almost all my communication and contracts via email (I relied heavily on online reviews and phone meetings) and got everything done in under 1 year. (I was taking 10 cumulative finals 2 weeks before my wedding!) If you can get as much done now as you can it should go pretty smooth in the weeks leading up to your wedding.
I think sending an email suggesting a new wedding date is kind of rude. What if someone had asked you to change your wedding date from the 17th to the 10th? Would you? Your day means a lot to you-- just as theirs does to them.
I'm actually getting married the SAME DAY as my father. I still wouldn't change it because I was set on that date first... it's caused a major rift between us & I fear that your "gentle email" suggesting its an inconvenience for you will cause trouble between the 2 couples.
Whenever someone says a wedding is an inconvenience, my first thought is usually- don't go then! Or in this case, perhaps your FI should opt out of being the Best man.
If I were a MOH or bridesmaid, I would not plan my wedding within a month of theirs. If we wanted to, to lock in a venue or something, I would ask first. I think they should have asked first.
I wouldn't have sent them that letter, but I might have said that your FI might not be available whenever the groom wants him due to planning his own wedding, or at least asking about what they expect of him as best man before agreeing to it.
But, if your FI is close enough to be the best man, then you should probably do what you have to to make it work.
Yeah I get that it's upsetting/frustrating but I think you went a little far with the email even if it was nice...because let's be real, it's going to be read in a negative way no matter how nice you think you were. I think your fiance should decide if he can fullfill the duties of the best man and if he can't then he should decline. Otherwise, I really don't see how it affects your wedding date at all. If you're worried about getting things done etc then plan around that day because I think you can spare half a day for a good friends wedding. Honestly, I think you should send another email before she has a chance to respond saying that you had a moment of craziness and feel badly for suggesting that she should change her date and you owe her a cupcake and champagne and all of you will do whatever you have to do to make things work.
I think if it's too much responsibility your FI should just decline being his best man. I agree that asking them to change the date may not have been the best idea, but I don't know the dynamics of your relationship with them...
I may be in the minority here, but I do think it is inconsiderate of them to schedule their wedding 2 weeks right before yours - especially if they'd like your FI to be a best man.
I had a similar situation with my sister! Six months into my engagement and six months after I'd set my date for my wedding, she set hers for the Saturday right after mine, the night before we leave for our honeymoon (4 hours from the airport we booked and the ticket cannot be changed)!!!! Sorry, I get that the wedding is only one day, but seriously. I was not ok with this.
I did send her an email letting her know that this was a really inconvenient day for both my FI and I, but also all of our family (they all complain to me, but won't tell her). Her wedding is right after mine, and the day after Christmas. A very expensive time for everyone, obviously.
Anyway, she got really mad and didn't change the date so now we're all just dealing with it, but not happy about it.
You've already sent the email, so not much you can do now. See what happens. If it's too financially straining on y'all, just tell them your FI can't commit to being best man. I think that's perfectly fair.
I'd be livid if I got that email. Honestly, your date is just as arbitrary as theirs is. They already changed their date once for you.
I think if they wanted him to be the best man, they should've picked a different date, unless there is a reason they have to have theirs so close to yours. I have two other friends getting married next year, and I can't imagine having picked a date that close to theirs, and we're not even in each other's weddings! And if one of my friends picked a date that close to mine "just because", I would be pi**ed. There are hundreds of other days in the year - give me some space. I'm just saying. LOL.
Wow, I'm not used to having such a different opinion than everyone else...strange!!! 
**edit - just wanted to add, that another friend of mine is actually getting married on the same day as me next year. But we weren't keeping each other in the loop on things and it just kind of happened. Plus, that day DOES mean something to them. And I don't mind this one bit. I just say the 4 of us will have to go on an anniversary trip in a few years haha. But for someone who has known your date for a while, and even making jokes about "interrupting your honeymoon" - that's what I'm not down with.
I think your email was rude and you are acting very entitled. You have plenty of time to plan ahead and make sure that you can afford to spend their special day with them.
Try not to worry about it. I know at first it can be a shock! I had something very simular happen,(SAME DATES LOL) my wedding on the 3rd of July, and then my brother being much more recently engaged picked the 17th. I was more or less worried about mutual friends and more importantly family being able to make both. You can work with two weeks. I know it may be tricky with Honeymoons and what not. My FI and I have to fly back a little early from ours to make it to there wedding, and then back to the State where we live. Like others have said, try to remember its there day too, could always be worse, could be the same day or only a week inbetween which would shorten a honeymoon even more! I have faith it will all work out for you as it did for me! Best of luck!
I am kind of thinking the same with the majority that you get one day and one day only, and their wedding day is their wedding day. I don't know why people get upset when someone else's wedding is planned close to theirs. If it really is not convenient for YOU then your FI should have declined being the best man, or decline going at all. Everyone has their own lives, and it does sound like they were trying to suit your needs as well.
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Now I know everyone is entitled to their special day, but I need your help coping with this and breaking it down to me. My FI and I have been dating for a long time (over 5 years) and we got engaged in January. We picked July (when we started dating) 17th (because of the diamonds in my engagement ring) for our special time. Also, we picked a day so far away because we were currently living in Japan, and now we're back in the states and wanted to wait till we were back here to plan.
Our best man just got engaged at the end of this summer to his fiance that he has been dating for a little over a year, and now they are expecting (they are currently living in Japan still). I would think that they would plan their wedding before their baby is due, but they decided (with out talking to us) to have their wedding in the states right before ours, on July 3rd. Before they chose July 3rd, they were thinking a week after our wedding, joking that "We're going to interupt your honeymoon, hahaha". Later they changed it to July 3rd thinking it would help us out more, but actually I still feel like it's too close for comfort. We've asked about wedding details, and unlike our wedding which will be very large, they want a small intimate wedding with my FI as his best man. Also, they do not have a specific reason for picking that date, it's just the date that they found to be convenient.
The frustration comes from us not knowing how busy we'll be planning our own wedding days, and also considering we don't live in the city we're planning the wedding (or in the city they're planning theirs). I just don't know if we'll be too busy on the weekends making final arrangements (cake, dresses, suits, flowers, photographers, caterers, driving back and forth etc) so much that my head explodes. We're not made of money either, and my FI paying for his tux, and a best man tux, and our wedding gift to them, etc, will really stretch out our wallets all at once.
When we first found out, I was really upset, because I felt like they weren't being considerate as to how much work we'll have to do, even more so that we'll have jobs and they'll be taking a break since he's quitting his job before coming back to the states to celebrate. We sent a gentle email stating that we were afraid of time constraints and politely hinting at having their wedding at least 3 weeks after or before ours (since we are wanting to spent at least 2 weeks in Europe for our honeymoon).
Did I do the right thing? Etiquette wise, what do you think the best man should do? I just think the dates are too close together for close friends.