FI's Cousin's Ever-Changing Cohabitant Entitled to +1, It Seems..

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
679 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

You’re so sweet to let this all go. If you look at the bright side, at least you only had 1 issue and the rest of your guests were understanding. Do a search for guest list drama on the boards and you might feel better : )

It seems like you’ve made up your mind, and bless your heart, but I would put my foot down. It’s 2014, it’s a special day to be shared with those you cherish and who cherish you the most. He obviously doesn’t fall under those categories.

Post # 4
Member
1041 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

How exactly did she give her a plus one? If you are planning the wedding and you are paying for the wedding I don’t understand how anyone but you and FI can offer that. If it’s not on the invitation, then she doesn’t get one in my opinion. If there is an issue, well she should have spoken to you or FI and not someone not involved in planning/paying for who wouldn’t know who is invited. That would irk me.
Is that date right? 2018??
If that is correst, I would think they could be broken up by that point and wouldn’t worry about it now.

Post # 5
Member
7206 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@beetrothed:  First, your fiance needs to read your mother the riot act. She deserves blame more than the cousin. FI should roast her so that she doesn’t make the same mistake again.

As for this cousin, wait until invites are about to be sent out, which I’m guessing is May or June. Inquire then to see if the she’s still with that guy.

Post # 8
Member
1041 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

@beetrothed:  Thanks! That wedding date makes more sense for the situation. I’m still confused why the cousin would call FI Mom to plead her case for a +1 if FI mom isn’t the one paying for or inviting guests, or why FI Mom wouldn’t just ask you two. If it were me I would probably tell the cousin there seemed to be come miscommunication and that FI mother is not planning or paying and that you are sorry she spoke to the wrong person and got the wrong information.

Post # 9
Member
10219 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Etiquette Snob here…lol

Sorry this turned into such a debacle for you… I am happy to hear that your Fiancé has now straightened out with his Mother that you and he are the Hosts / issuing the Invites, and not her.

That said…

In your Reply # 5 you said:

She assumed that the cousin’s cohabitant was considered “family” but I would never see it that way. This was an unfortunate instance of communication breakdown, and I’m taking it a little too hard because it’s my first planning snafu. 

Just so you know…

In the Etiquette world (traditional & modern) a recognized social unit… those who are issued Plus Ones include all of the following:

Married – Living Together – and Engaged

So if the Cousin & this guy are living together, like it or not (thou shall not judge another’s relationship) they are considered a “recognized social unit”

So you truly should be issuing the man an Invite as her Plus One.

Lol, now if SHE IS as fickle as you claim, chances are good that he won’t be around come the time that the actual Invites are issued… and if she is living solo, then you wouldn’t have to give her a Plus One

BUT considering, that FMIL has already “stepped in it”… I think you are going to find yourself with this Cousin and a Date of some sort in attendance.

(sorry)


Post # 11
Member
8720 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

You wouldn’t give family a +1 if it’s someone they have been living with for 8+ months (your wedding is 9 months from now)?

Post # 13
Member
2394 posts
Buzzing bee

@paula1248:  

First, your fiance needs to read your mother the riot act. She deserves blame more than the cousin. FI should roast her so that she doesn’t make the same mistake again.

+1,000 to this.

Post # 14
Member
11379 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

@beetrothed:  i can totally understand what you are going through but if your date posted is correct, you won’t even be sending out invites for another 6 months.  so much can change in that time; people get married, people break up, etc.

i wouldn’t spend too much energy on it right now.  wait until the spring to see if a plus one will even be necessary or warranted for this cousin.

Leave a comment


Sent weekly. You may unsubscribe at any time.

Find Amazing Vendors