Post # 1
I’m not exactly sure if this belongs on the etiquette board but it was the closest fit, I think.
Here’s the deal. For most of the year, my FI has a full-on, legit beard. He usually keeps it neat and trim, and I generally like the way it looks on him. Once in a while he’ll shave down to his bare face, and he knows that, while I always find him attractive, I prefer him with a bit of facial hair. He has very sensitive skin and a baby face, so when he shaves, no matter the quality of the razor, he gets lots of angry red bumps and inflamed ingrown hairs. He also has a major baby face and tends to look like a middle-schooler (I’m not trying to be mean, he agrees)! After he shaves though, when he has a little bit of stubble (he’s got dark hair), is my absolute favorite look on him. I find his dark stubble super attractive for some reason.
We’ve talked about how he’ll have his facial hair on the day of the wedding. I totally wouldn’t mind if he had a full-on beard for it (as long as it was neat and trimmed), I would prefer it he didn’t have a clean-shaven face, but I’d love it if he had some stubble.
The problem is, some people, i.e. our parents, think stubble is a no-no on the wedding day. They think it looks “sloppy” or “lazy” or “dirty” etc. FMIL is insistent that he needs to be clean-shaven because that’s the “proper” thing to do and to have any stubble would be in “poor taste.”
Is this one of those things that’s actually a hard-and-fast rule, or is it one of those things where, if we both like the way it looks, no one else’s opinion matters?
Post # 3
- Wedding: May 2013 - Walt Disney World
I myself prefer FI clean-shaven in general (and he has to anyway for the military) so that’s how he’ll be for the wedding. But if you two like the way it looks, I think that’s how you should have it. 🙂
Post # 4
I think this is between you and him. I think neat stubble might be better than a full beard, just because you can see the person’s face much better. I think you want to be able to see your face clearly in your wedding pictures, but stubble is fine IMO.
Post # 5
I love my guy with a couple days worth of stubble. He’s fine clean shaven, but I adore the facial scruff. We could go either way.
Let your guy decide for himself, but it doesn’t hurt to let him know you love his stubble and would love it on the wedding day, but it’s his choice.
Post # 6
I LOVE my FI’s beard, and I think he looks amazing with just a bit of stubble. He loves it because he doesn’t have to shave everyday lol. I wouldn’t want him any other way on my wedding day. I think this should be between you and him.
Post # 7
We are in the same situation. I left it up to the future hubs. It’s his face, I love his heart. Face, just a bonus. Plus, his facial hair is sometimes an expression of his personal style or mood, so I kinda view it as a fashion accessory for him.
Post # 8
It’s his wedding day. Not his mother’s. Nobody’s mother should be dictating what facial hair they have…
Post # 9
- Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA
Oh man, I say WHO CARES what anyone else thinks?! It’s his face, and you are the one marrying him. You want to marry the guy you love, not some guy with a weird face who’s trying to look “appropriate”.
My FI’s facial hair is exactly the same as you describe – often a beard, my favorite is the shorter trimmed stubble, and I HATE clean-shaven. To be honest, I would laugh in anyone’s fact who tried to tell him/us how he should shave for the wedding. Yikes, I can’t believe they’re honestly trying to dictate this!
(PS – maybe look through wedding blogs to find lots of pictures of “classy” weddings with bearded grooms, to show them to prove your point? But it’s ridiculous to have to defend this!)
Post # 10
Thanks ladies! Of course it is totally up to him, since it’s his facial hair, but I know he holds my opinion in high regard, so we’ve chatted about it.
@crayfish: LOL, well obviously his mother shouldn’t dictate his facial hair, I just wasn’t sure if her opinion was based on some sort of etiquette I wasn’t aware of, so I thought I’d ask. He’s not planning to base his decision on his mom’s wishes.
Post # 11
I’m on Team Beard. HUBBA HUBBA! My FI has a baby face when he’s clean shaven…he’s only gone clean shaven twice in the almost 5 years we’ve been together. It’s always shocking to me when he does it. When he’s stubbly it’s very hard to kiss him so I prefer the beard. I think he does as well…makes him feel all manly and shit. Weirdo.
Post # 12
@lolot: Thanks! Now that I’m more confident that it’s not some real etiquette rule, we’ll probably just completely ignore what anyone else says and however he appears on the wedding day is how he appears. But I might Google classy weddings with beards just for fun!
Post # 13
Personally, I think if he normally has a beard or facial hair of some kind, it would look odd if he was clean shaven. I feel like I’d look back at the pictures and think that he doesn’t look like himself.
Post # 14
My FI can grow a beard in a day (no kidding, he grows hair fast, they called him man chest in middle school)!
Anyway, my FI hasn’t been fully clean shaven in over 5 years. He is an Operations Superviser and keeps it trimmed and professoinal, so it’s obviously fine in the business world. I prefer my guy with facial hair, so that’s what we are going with on our wedding day!
Post # 15
@AnAppleA_Day: there’s absolutely no rule that says thou shalt not have facial hair on thous wedding day. you want to look like yourselves and be comfortable and if he feels most comfortable and like himself with facial hair he should do that! Plus no one wants a razor burned itchy face. Ever.
Post # 16
Your fiance’s facial hair sounds quite a bit like my husband’s facial hair.
Honestly, if someone (whether it be the parents or whomever) said he should shave for the wedding day I would have simply said “I’ll let him know. I’m sure he’ll take it under consideration.”
**That’s pretty much what I tell either mother when they offer too much unsolicited advice.