Post # 1
This is sort of a weird situation. My FI called his parents yesterday to ask them to email us a guest list of their relatives and close friends who should be invited to the wedding. His dad said that they don’t feel it’s “their place” to invite people, and that my FI should just invite whomever he wants there.
I 100% agree with the sentiment, but I don’t have a great history with my FMIL, and now I’m nervous we’re going to leave someone off the list and insult the family! It just doesn’t seem logical/practical to me. My FI is TERRIBLE with social things like names, how people are connected, levels of closeness, etc. Thankfully we have a list from our engagement party that we can use as a starting point, but that list doesn’t include a lot of cousins and whatnot that should be invited to the wedding. I know FI will have no clue about it. He doesn’t really get the idea of “If we invite these people, it would be rude not to invite these people.” I don’t want it to seem like the whole wedding is my family and friends and none of FI’s!
Has anyone ever dealt with this? I just find it really weird that they don’t think they should ask to have anyone invited! And part of me worries that this will turn into something bad, like, they’re mad we didn’t invite certain people even though they never told us we should. Do you think they’ll be willing to go over a final list to make sure we didn’t leave anyone off?
Post # 2
- Wedding: December 2014 - 13th ~ TN
TGold: I would try making a list and then sharing it with the FMIL to see if she has anyone to add. At this point it really seems like all you can do. Then, if she does not add anyone to it, she has no one to blame but herself when they are not invited.
Post # 3
TGold: I think you and FI need to go over the list together: his knowledge of who’s in his family, combined with your knowledge of what’s appropriate.
For instance, if you’re inviting all aunt, uncles and over-18-cousins on your side, sit down with him and make the same list for his side. Then try to work out with him if there’s anyone who doesn’t fit in these categories but is close enough that you might invite. But without any requests from them, I don’t think you’re obliged to invite any friends if his parents at all.
Post # 4
Although with that reply you truly do not have to, I would highly suggest that you do invite them.
I was going to suggest the same…
Start with listing his –
Parents (of course)
Grandparents (of course)
Aunts and Uncles
Any close friends of the family
Anyone he sees often
Then if there is anyone he doesn’t know or hasn’t seen in the last say 5 years, put them on a B List. I would suggest the 2 of you take the list to them and show them and then while sitting with them there, decide who should and should not be invited.
Post # 5
It sounds like they’re just trying to be polite and let you invite the people YOU want to be there! 🙂 That honestly sounds pretty nice.
Post # 6
- Wedding: Davis Island Garden Club
I agree with MrsUPS. Start the list and share it with FMIL and ask her is she can help you add anyone you forgot. Ask her are these all of the aunts and uncles? What’s aunt Mary’s daughters name? And hopefully she can fill in the blanks. Maybe if she sees you want to invite these people but don’t know all of them she will see it as helping you out rather than inviting people.
I would also also suggest doing it in person if they are close enough for that to be possible. It will make it easier to make it conversational.
good luck, the guest list is the toughest part of the planning.
Post # 7
Neither of our sets of parents invited anyone who were specifically there for them. We each made a list of who we wanted to invite and then showed it to our respective parents. My parents made a few suggestions of who to add on, but they were people who I would have wanted there anyway and had forgotten about. My husband’s parents said there were a couple of family members we could actually leave off so we did. If they don’t want to invite anyone, that’s fine but maybe show them the guest list – once they see it they may think of people either for you or for them.
Post # 8
I went through our list with both our mums in person after we’d made it so that they could add anyone we’d forgotten, maybe make the list and then do that with your FMIL so she can add people then rather than having to make her own list and send it to you now?
Post # 9
Neither sets of our parents invited anyone. It was our wedding so we invited the people who we were closest to.
We did have some of my parents family friends come to the evening reception but they certainly didn’t write us a list.