(Closed) FI’s family expects him to be on holiday with them before our wedding :/

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
2450 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

you are totally in the right with this. his family is being way too clingy, and (if he is going along with them) so is your Fiance.

Family vacation? You ARE his family… and it will only be a few days until legal and official at that point.

Post # 4
5670 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

The reason they keep doing this is because it sounds like your Fiance always just goes along with this. When something doesn’t fit into your schedule, family or not, you need to tell them and not expect that they know what you are thinking. Fiance needs to explain his schedule and let them know if he will have the time to spend with them.

Post # 5
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

hmm I don’t know. I think had they booked a completely different vacation and he flew up with them instead of you hell yes I would be pissed. If it’s a few holidays things and you guys weren’t going to spend that time together because you are be busy I think it’s ok.

I think their addittude that he owes that to them is off putting and rude. However one thing that sticks out to me is them saying these are last ones before you get married. which indicate that they are expecting things to change after the wedding. Which is a good thing. I do think you guys should down and work a schedule that works best for you two, then put in family time after that.

Post # 6
5758 posts
Bee Keeper

Let me tell you what happened at my daughter’s wedding, to give you some perspective. Each family rented a house for the week preceding, in a beach town where the wedding was being held. I wanted to stay there early, as it was easier to finish up any last minute projects without packing them up in the car and having everything smushed or a mess and having to redo it all. We had tablecloths to iron, flowers to arrange, and centerpieces to put together, so it was supposed to  be a relaxing time…but it was anything but.

I’d only met my SIL’s family a few times prior, but I really didn’t want to spend every free minute entertaining them. We met up only twice during the week and that was plenty. They were free to do whatever they wanted, and it was less pressure on me. They spent some alone time with their son, and both split the week to stay with us and his parents, so it worked out fine. It was actually MORE relaxing not having them under my feet.

You’ll be busy and so will your family, so maybe ask them what they think of it. There won’t be all that much he has to do by that point, and you may enjoy having some time without him while you’re doing things he can’t help you with.

Post # 7
989 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I can understand your frustration – that just wouldn’t work for me.  Perhaps he can work on the plans so that he still has a day to spend doing “vacation-y” things with his family, but spends the rest of the time with you.  It’s your wedding weekend – if they want to do pre-wedding family activities, they really should have planned on doing them earlier.

Post # 8
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

I think I would give them SOME time to spend with him, but let them know that he has other obligations that he will need to attend to the rest of the time

Post # 9
2401 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I think a happy medium can be found. Maybe plan out a schedule where you get quality alone time with him for planning and prep and that still allows him to enjoy his time with his family.

Post # 10
1243 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

@Miss Mochaccino:  Yeah…this would really upset me.  I don’t understand why it’s completely on you to finish up all these last minute wedding-things.  He should be helping.  Their attitude about this sucks, but I’m more surprised that your Fiance is going along with it.

I would try to find a middle ground here.  Sure, he should spend some time with them…but you guys have stuff to do!  This time goes by really really fast and I think that it would really be awful if you were super stressed trying to get everything done and he’s just off spending time at the beach and eating ice-cream.  That kind of stuff leads to resentment.  

I’m going to take a wild guess that his family isn’t involved in planning, etc. of the wedding at all and are just guests.  That’s cool and I wouldn’t want them underfoot constantly, but your Darling Husband ISN’T just a guest who shows up, so….he needs to kind of step it up here, methinks.

Post # 11
6021 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2017

I would ask that if I did need him for something or for help that he make himself available to me and keep our wedding and me as the first priority. I would be reasonable and would only really ask him to be around if I absolutely needed him. this way I would still feel like his main priority and would not feel as though he was overlooking me and our wedding preparations for his family and their activities. I am very much the kind of person that is pretty independent and I would rather do things on my own anyway. Fiance tends to hinder more than he does help when it comes to planningset up of events that we host or have a part in planning. So to me, personally, this would probably work out better and like I said, I would only reallya sk for him to be around if i really did need his help with something specific. I think that you guys will have plenty of time as newlyweds to spend some qt together and really enjoy the wedding glow. Aside from when he is absolutely needed, i would let him enjoy the time with his family, you enjoy the time with yours and do what you need to do.

Post # 12
887 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

@rosworms:  “Family vacation? You ARE his family… and it will only be a few days until legal and official at that point.” I think that this is a great point! You are all essentially family now– if they want to have a family holiday, you should be completely included. Also, last minute preparations are something he should be helping with…you both need time to see each other and enjoy this time together before the wedding. I would have been upset if my Darling Husband did that to me before the wedding (and we weren’t LD)! Just my opinion though, good luck 🙂

Post # 13
812 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

I’d nut up.

Fiance would not be doing the family vacation thing with his mommy and daddy when we have shit to do in preparation for the wedding. Seriously, you’re not the only getting married, he needs to help too.

Post # 14
280 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@Paigey:  ditto that! 

Does he live near them now?  Or are they all scattered?  You said you and Fiance are long distance, and I would say that if where he lives is already near them, that they should do a mini-vacay of their own–but not the week before your wedding.  

If not, and they want to see him, then I think a happy medium would work but there is no way I would be cool with my fiance skipping town the week before the wedding while I stay around and do everything.  

Post # 16
2281 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@Miss Mochaccino:  Glad this is looking better.

My family’s coming in for our annual family vacation the week before my wedding, because we had to arrange both that and the wedding to fit in my brother’s deployment leave. And I do plan to let us all have some fun. But I’m also planning to put everyone to work (just a little!).


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