FI's family is crazy and creepy…sometimes I wonder if it is worth it

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1164 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

First off, wow…I’m sorry that they are so awful! And unfortunately, they are his family so even if he tries to cut them off, it’s easy to get roped back in.

Second, as you know, the interenet is NEVER private. I really don’t see a way to keep all of your wedding info private if, like you suggested, someone is giving them the URL and such. And even if you didn’t have it online, if someone is giving them that info, they’d probably offer up any details about your wedding.

Do you have security at your venue? I know a lot of venues I’ve looked at either provide security or require it. I really don’t know a way to completely prevent them from showing up. But, if you have security, at least if they cause trouble they can be removed.

Post # 4
Member
285 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

@hidingbee77:  I’m not sure if you’re trying to say that you may leave FI because of family drama or not, so I’m sorry if I jumped to conclusions. I think that he needs you to get through this. Every family has some sort of problem. Mine are all broken apart and not caring, FI has a alcoholic mom and so on. And despite the fight we just got into, having each other helps us deal with problems we have on each side of our family. So I say, don’t let his family keep you from marrying him. There sounds to be a lot of bad apples, but not all of them are. I would try reconciling (don’t know if that’s the right word) with the mom. But do keep in mind that there is only so much yall can do. She has to put forth as well. I’m sorry that things are crappy with his family though. I can understand why it stresses the both of y’all out.

Idk what you want to do, but maybe possibly send out invites with the real address and make sure that the people that get the invites understand not to give the address out to anyone and that the address online is not the real. Put a false address online so that if unwanted guests find it, they will not get the correct address.

If maybe hiring on a private security officer would make you feel at ease, I wouldn’t see the problem with that. And it wouldn’t hurt. Just have him dressed in appropiate (I can’t spell) wedding attire.

Have you thought about the possibility of a DW so that its harder for family members to attend?

Post # 5
Member
285 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

@hidingbee77:  that should say certain family members. I’m on my phone so its being stupid with editing.

Post # 6
Member
1734 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 1998

Good God, what a circus.

As others are saying – can you get security at your venue?

Take down anything online that indicates both the location and date of your wedding – including websites. At the end of the day, they aren’t a necessity. You can include enclosures (maps and all) with your invitations. We had a site and I don’t think a single person used it. Although, I DO like the idea of the “false information online” idea – the only problem there, however, is the risk that guests will throw away your invitations, then mistakenly go online to get what they need to attend the wedding.

Any way you can uninvite the two siblings of his parents -or, yeah, give THEM the false wedding information? If I were your FI, I probably wouldn’t have contact with people who couldn’t at least accept my decision. People who are eager to push someone into a reconciliation are – apparently – also the very ones who will spill the beans on your wedding to correct the “mistake” you’re making by not inviting his parents.

I’m sorry you’re all going through this. What a nightmare. I do think it’s very possible for the two of you to have a great wedding still, though.

 

Post # 7
Member
1793 posts
Buzzing bee

A couple of thoughts for you from a 2 time bride and (almost) 4 time MOB:

1.  Take the website down.  Couples have gotten married for CENTURIES without websites.  They are not a necessity they are a “cool” thing.  Ditch it and ditch the headache.

2.  Please consider taking this to heart:  talk to every vendor you have and make it crystal clear that any changes can only be made by you or FI and they must verify to whom they are speaking.  Tell them they are to share NO information with anyone who calls regarding your wedding.

I have been on forums for years as my girls have gotten married and I remember one instance where a very disgruntled MOG made calls and cancelled contracts/venues, and changed what she couldn’t cancel.  Please talk to your vendors to be safe.  Your poor FI has a family full of Whackadoodles.

Post # 8
Member
9412 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@hidingbee77:  I am sorry you are going through all this. It’s true what they say – you don’t just marry the man, you marry the family too. If other family members are giving our your information, I would let everyone know that it is not acceptable to do that. If they don’t listen, then they need to be cut off too.

This situation happened to me with my FI’s family. The family members we did talk to were telling the ones we didn’t everything about our lives. Like, really? Do you not have anything else going on in your own life? Why are you so obsessed with people who want nothing to do with you? We ended up cutting them all off and feel much better having done so.

Post # 10
Member
1793 posts
Buzzing bee

@hidingbee77:  You are quite welcome!  The bride I mentioned in my first post was fortunate enough to find out what was going on in time to fix everything.  It ended with a restraining order on the MOG!

Post # 11
Member
285 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

@hidingbee77:  I am glad that I read that wrong!  And ha, yes, I know exactly what you mean.  FI just made me a pretty upset person this past weekend.  I’m a little annoyed still, but its just because I hold grudges for a bit longer than most.  Other than that, we are so much better now.  

I would just seriously think about a DW, that either is just you and FI with or without a few friends or family members.  It’d probably keep things running smoothly.  And maybe if everyone ends up dropping this whole thing in the future, you guys can have a renewing of the vows ceremony with everyone involved.  🙂  

Glad to also hear things are better.  Keep your head up, in the end, everything will work out.  

Leave a comment


Sent weekly. You may unsubscribe at any time.

Find Amazing Vendors