- 7 years ago
Hi, I am a frequent poster here but have created an anonymous username because I really need to vent. I don’t guess I’m looking for answers because there are none, I just need to get some things off my chest.
FMIL has always been distant and cold. She was this way with FI his entire life, and especially cold to me.
6 months ago, FI’s brother passed away. FMIL became even more distant, while FFIL mourned openly. Everyone mourns in their own way, which is fine, but FMIL began to demean FFIL for “boo hoo-ing all the time.” She continued to get more and more harsh to the point that FFIL felt guilty for needing to grieve the loss of his son. FFIL began to suffer mentally and has been dealing with severe depression. FMIL has no sympathy and says he just wants people to feel sorry for him. She has not tried to be there for FFIL emotionally, she has just chastised him for still grieving.
Less than 2 months after FI’s brother passed away, FMIL moved a 20 year old boy into their home. I will call him B. The boy lived near, had broken up with his girlfriend who he lived with, and needed a room. FMIL seemed to become obsessed with B. She gave him money, helped him get his driver’s license, gave him a car, and got him into a G.E.D. program. This sounds great and helpful for B, but we all suspected it was her trying to deal with the loss of her son by throwing herself into something else. So we said nothing. Then FMIL began going on trips to the beach with B, went to get a tattoo with B, making FFIL leave the room so she and B could watch a movie together…the list goes on. This was when FI and I began to think that their relationship was inappropriate. FFIL has found used condoms and “love letters” from FMIL to B, so that pretty much confirms it.
FFIL has been getting worse. He is still depressed over his son’s death, and for the last 4 months he has had to live in a house with his wife and her 20 year old fling. She has fed FI, her parents, and anyone who would listen, stories of how FFIL is so controlling of her and jealous of B. She says that she has lost weight and is “hot and sexy” now, and her husband can’t stand it, he is so jealous.
Last night, FFIL found B’s pot stash. When he confronted B, FMIL blew up and called FFIL a liar. She left with B and went to a hotel room, and texted FI in the most dramatic way possible saying “We had to flee the house, don’t worry, we’re okay.” FMIL told FI that she opened a separate bank account and has been secretly putting money in it so she can leave. It is obvious that she is going to leave with B.
FI finally decided to call his grandparents (FMIL’s parents) today because he thinks that they are his mother’s last hope. It was useless. They told him that he was lying about his mom’s affair and that if he thought he could call them and get them on his dad’s side he was dead wrong. They say that FMIL is finally doing something for herself and FI needs to be happy for her if he calls himself a son. They live 2000 miles away so I guess that they can say whatever they want, but FI is here and he sees what is going on.
The whole situation is so ridiculous. FI is genuinely worried for his mother, but no one seems to care.
I feel helpless, all I can do is sit back and be furious at FMIL for caring so little about her family that she would just throw it away for this boy that she just met. I feel awful for FFIL who continues to spiral downward, and worse for FI who feels like he needs to fix everything but doesn’t know how.