FI's family thought "and guest" was rude… what???

posted 2 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
1749 posts
Bumble bee

How about “we have reserved two seats in your honor” ?

Post # 3
Member
288 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

This sounds like it could work in your favor. If they feel “pressured” to bring a guest, then don’t give them a +1. It makes them more comfortable and it saves you money. 🙂

Post # 4
Member
2052 posts
Buzzing bee

Rappig:  If they’re thinking and guest is pressure, I imagine that would be worse since now there’s a seat reserved they have to fill.

OP could you put something on the rsvp card (or have a different card for single people) that maybe says something like “I will be bringing a guest” like as a box they can check? And just address the envelope to the person alone?

Post # 5
Member
5192 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

TGold:  “And guest” is only rude if you are not acknowledging someone who’s in a stable relationship.  If someone is in an established relationship you should go to the trouble to address the invite to both parties.  Facebook is useful for this, and if you end up making a mistake or two, at least you’ve tried.

Your FI’s sister feeling pressured because an invite said “and guest” and she didn’t want to bring anyone?  That stupid and that’s on her.  Don’t change anything because of that.

Post # 6
Member
1749 posts
Bumble bee

I would keep it “and guest” for everyone, except the people I know are married or engaged. 

“And guest” is a standard thing. They can think it’s rude all they want, but it’s not. The sister feeling “pressured” by it can be ignored when it comes to this, because what she’s feeling/thinking is nonsense and doesn’t need to be taken seriously.  

Post # 7
Member
6200 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House

I added a business card sized insert to my invitation suite for single people that said “you may bring a guest”  or something along those lines. Maybe that would work for you because it would allow you to word it so that it’s very obviously optional.

Post # 8
Member
1236 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014 - San Francisco, CA

If you couldn’t remember Uncle Bobby’s name when you were filling out the invite and just wrote “Aunt Myrtle And Guest,” then I could see why they’d be peeved. But pressured to bring a guest?? I think they’re being more than a little oversensitive. Plaster on a smile, apologize for making them uncomfortable, then just roll your eyes after they’ve left about how some people feel the need to invent reasons to be unhappy.

Post # 9
Member
1892 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

There is nothing rude about “and guest”. If she felt pressured to bring a guest, then that’s her problem. It’s your wedding, your invites… Address them however you want.

 

ETA: I feel that if you add “you may bring a guest card” or “we have reserved X seats for you” your not going to get an accurate head count. There’s going to be ppl that reply 1…but think, “we’ll they said I could bring a guest, so I’ll see who will come with me when it gets closer”

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 5 months ago by  .
Post # 10
Member
3223 posts
Sugar bee

It is technically impolite.  Each and every guest you invite, including “and guest” guests deserve the same treatment.  That includes being invited by name. 

Would it bug me, no.  But it clearly bugs them.  I would try to abide by their wishes and either find out names (perhaps the IL’s can find out) or just invite singles as single.

Post # 11
Member
442 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

But if they don’t have a SO and you want them to have the option to bring a date, how on earth would you know their name? And guest isn’t rude.

Post # 12
Member
6859 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Etiquette is clear that you should never address an invitation to ” and guest”  whether there is a current dating relationship or not. You are supposed to find out the name of any  intended guest and then send a separate invitation in the name of that person.   So technically your FSIL is correct since if you had done that you would have discovered there is no one she wished to bring. 

However, many people are unaware or ignore this rule and it is really not cool in any case for  her to call you out and assume bad intentions where none existed. My guess is that if she is so ready to take personal offense where none is intended  she has other issues either with  you, her brother, or the  wedding. Or she  could be  sensitive about her single status.

Post # 13
Member
721 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

sounds like a personal problem for those offended. i would just do “and guest” anyways. that is  the only way to really let guests know they can bring someone if they WANT to

Post # 15
Member
1236 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014 - San Francisco, CA

 

weddingmaven:  So what do you do if they’re not seeing anyone and might just bring a friend/cousin/etc so they’ll have one more person to talk to? Or if they’re kinda-sorta dating two or three people but haven’t narrowed it down to one serious relationship yet? Wait until they make that decision and re-issue the invitation?

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