- 8 years ago
- Wedding: July 2010
(Sorry, using an alter-ego here just in case my future in-laws happen to stumble upon this)
When I first met my fiance almost 2 years ago, I really felt that I had lucked out in terms of his family. Although his parents are divorced, he seemed to have good relationships with all of his parents, stepparents, siblings, etc. And the first few times I met them, they seemed to be fairly nice. The only exception was his stepfather, who always seemed to be very rude to me (making condescending remarks and literally turning his back on me as I was trying to have a conversation with him) but my fiance assured me that his stepfather was just “testing” me, whatever that means, and that he didn’t mean to be rude.
His mother and stepfather also live halfway across the country from us, so we have only seen them a handful of times while we’ve been together. Then we got engaged and things got really crazy. I can’t even go into ALL the details because it would take forever. They have just put SO much stress on us over the last several months. They have said incredibly hurtful things to us, lied to us, and spread rumors about me to the rest of his family. I think my fiance is close to having a complete breakdown at times because his family is being SO nuts and he blames himself for it.
(Sidenote: His mother and stepfather were having marital problems for a while in the middle of this and were considering divorce, so for a while I just assumed they were unusually on-edge because of that. But now I just don’t even know. Your own marital problems shouldn’t automatically cause you to put your son and everyone else through this kind of stress.)
Yesterday was the final straw for me. We found out that his stepfather has been running background checks on my parents. My entire family is absolutely squeaky clean and the sweetest people you could imagine. My fiance’s parents have never met my parents because his family lives so far away from us. The only thing that turned up when he conducted these background checks was an incident many years ago where my father was charged with a driving offense. It was really not a big deal, and completely out of character for my father, who hasn’t even had a speeding ticket in decades. No one outside of my immediate family even knows about it. But my fiance’s stepfather called us and said, “So I guess her family isn’t so f-ing PERFECT now are they?!?” They ended up having another huge fight and my fiance was SO upset and ashamed of his family’s behavior.
My “perfect” family has been a major sore spot with them all along, since from the beginning of our relationship my fiance really bonded with my family and loves spending time with them. Yet whenever he would tell his family about my family, he would usually be met with comments like, “So you just think your family is SO messed up, don’t you? We’re the BAD family and she has the GOOD family?” Obviously my fiance loves his family very much and has never looked at it that way!
At this point, I just can’t imagine my fiance’s stepfather being at our wedding, which is being held next month where my parents live. It just seems like such a slap in the face to my family to force them to welcome this complete jerk into their home, when he has tried so hard to hurt all of us. He has even said several times (during fights with my fiance) that he doesn’t want anything to do with us and doesn’t want to attend our wedding. I just want to say, “FINE, then don’t come!” but obviously I can’t. 🙁
How on earth do we handle this?! It just makes me sick to think what other stuff they’re going try in these last few weeks before the wedding. 🙁